Over the past few weeks, it has become apparent from comments on this blog and Word Press’s statistics that my writings about INFJs, introverts, and personality type are by far the most popular. Even though it’s been two full months since I wrote Things You Should Know About INFJs, it gets more than twice as many views per week than the newer posts. Since INFJs are one of the personality types most likely to read about themselves and look for answers about how they think, I guess this shouldn’t be surprising.
Am I An INFJ?
If this is a question you’ve asked yourself, that’s a pretty good sign you’re an NF type. If we accept David Keirsey‘s ideas on personality type, NF Idealists are by far the most likely type to be searching for identity.
Do you know your Myers-Briggs type? How did you discover it and in what way, if any, has this knowledge affected you?
I discovered my personality type was INFJ after taking a free test based on the MBTI around the time I graduated high school. Since taking the official test wasn’t an option at the time, I tracked down several free versions online (here’s one that’s pretty good) to compare results. Then, I read many descriptions of INFJ types online and in books, and they fit me so well that I’m certain this type is correct.
Signs You’re An INFJ
Here are a few results I found while glancing over a forum on TypeologyCentral called “You know you’re an INFJ when…” It is 231 pages long, was started in 2008, and is still active. These are all quotes from the first two pages.
- You’re convinced you can make positive change for humanity happen if you just keep working on your vision…
- You’ve figured out that you don’t fit any other type well.
- Had a co-worker this summer tell me about her cheating on her husband. You know, after knowing her for all of a week. It seems like everyone wants to share any dark/weird stories with me.
- You can’t act on something you know logically is the right course of action until its ethically justified for you.
- You’re pretty sure something is a lost cause, but you have to try anyway for conscience sake.
To a certain extent, all these are true for me (the third one as a general principle — random strangers confiding weirdly personal things with little or no encouragement). The top points on my personal list are a little different, however. The following are typical of most INFJs, and ring especially true for me.
- Conflict is tremendously uncomfortable. Even tense moments are hard (especially, for some reason, while eating dinner)
- You have a well developed “rich inner world” and/or the feeling that you belong in a fantasy world rather than the real one
- It seems easy to pick up on other people’s emotions and mirror them while you are talking.
- You’re a spiritual/religious person who frequently ponders deep and/or abstract ideas
- You are fascinated by personality types and enjoy figuring out what other people’s types are
- There a struggle between needing to be around people so you can connect with them and share your thoughts, and an introvert’s desire for alone time
If you’re an INFJ, what would you add to this list? What convinced you this type is the one that fits you?
If you’d like to know more about the INFJ personality type, check out my book The INFJ Handbook. I just updated it with a ton of new information and resources. You can purchase it in ebook or paperback by clicking this link.
Like An Anchor 
I originally thought I was an INTJ, but then realized I have Fe. A LOT OF FE. I want everyone to feel included, be happy, not have conflict — when other people are criticized, I get worried about how they might feel! Injustice really pushes all my buttons. I’m the kind of person who picks up a beetle and carries it outside rather than step on it. I also really struggle with my own emotions — the ones I have, I tend to resent, and sometimes I think I should react differently than I do. (I often stop to ask myself, “How DO I feel about this? Do I even feel ANYTHING?”)
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Yea, I think Fe is a pretty good clue you’re an INFJ … there are A LOT of feelings. About pretty much everything, it seems 🙂
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Yup. 🙂
I should have realized it when a friend deleted her livejournal without a word of explanation to anyone — and my reaction was, “how could she be so rude to other people?!” — I wasn’t mad, I was mad on their behalf. LOL
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I just watched Bad Santa, which is supposed to be a comedy, and balled my eyes out when the boy told Willy that he knew he wasn’t Santa, but that he thought that he might get him a present because they were friends. He was putting himself down and I just felt horrible for him. I do this all the time, crying or just getting overwhelmed with the emotions in my environment. I just tell people I have a lot of feelings lol!
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A few of my friends do share secrets with me but because not much happens theres not much to share
But some people really so tell me some wierd stuff noe that I think of it
(literally realised that whilst typing this)
One thing I have to check on
Am I the only one or do others put jokes in whatever they write
Not just on a normal scale I mean like final GCSE’s and in the middle of the test somewhere I put atleast one joke
I cant get serious whilst writing ever, I find it as a way to express myself
Even if I have to sneak a subliminal or secretive message in there I’m gonna get a joke in there no matter what
Not sure if I’m the only one
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I hadn’t thought about this as a possible INFJ thing, but I do sneak elements of humor into many of my writings. I can write seriously, but usually there are aspects of what I write that make me laugh. Typically for my writings it’s not something other people would find funny, but I do include plays on words or something subliminal that amuses me.
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Eeexactly
It only works for me
I have to explain it a lot to someone else
My friend says I put my own feelings and thoughts into my work instead of doing what I am supposed to do
Of course he sees it as a bad thing (probably is in most cases)
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You know your an INFJ when you know someone is lying and you won’t stop till you exploit it.
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You know you’re an INFJ when your friends call you “their counsellor”.
Hello!! Love your blog xx
I was wondering, are there any personality types that are more compatible in relationships for INFJs? I’m just curious because they have that with horoscopes.
🙂
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Most people will tell you ENTP is best, followed by ENFP, INTP, INFP, ENFJ, or other INFJs. It’s most important to match on the Intuition preference. You might find Dr. A.J. Drenth’s article on INFJ compatibility helpful: http://personalityjunkie.com/infj-relationships-dating-love-compatibility/
While these are considered the “most compatible” types for INFJs, any two types can make a relationship work as long as they’re willing to understand each other and work together. I wrote more about this topic here: https://marissabaker.wordpress.com/2015/02/16/looking-for-love-with-the-mbti/
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Thank you!
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Also, what about relationships/friendships with ESFP, ENFPs and ISFPs? Everywhere i look there’s not much positivity about INFJs with those types and they always seem to clash. My best friend is an ENFP, his brother (who always opens up to me) is an ESFP, and my interest (til we find a better word :D) is an ISFP.
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I’m afraid I don’t have much direct experience with ESFPs. I get along fairly well with the ISFPs I know. I’ve seen several websites say ENFP and INFJ relationships work out well. Personally, I like them as friends but can’t see myself in a romantic relationship with one.
The reason (I think) that some writers say INFJs clash with these types is because of the differences in how we use our Jungian functions. The function stacks for each type look like this:
INFJ: Introverted Intuition, Extroverted Feeling, Introverted Thinking, Extroverted Sensing.
ENFP: Extroverted Intuition, Introverted Feeling, Extroverted Thinking, Introverted Sensing.
ESFP: Extroverted Sensing, Introverted Feeling, Extroverted Thinking, Introverted Intuition.
ISFP: Introverted Feeling, Extroverted Sensing, Introverted Intuition, Extroverted Thinking.
We do share Extroverted Sensing and Introverted Intuition with the ESFP and ISFP types, but have no functions in common with the ENFPs. This, along with the fact that their decision-making function (Feeling) is introverted rather than extroverted, can make it a little harder for INFJs to understand and relate to xxFP types. Obviously it’s possible for us to make a friendship or even a romance work (your experiences prove that), but this is why you’ll see some people dismissing the relationships 🙂
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Thank you so much once again!
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what would be the best type of person for an INFJ to meet, I mean some places say INFJ and some say ENTP and sometimes ENFJ I know people can befriend one type but which would be the one that works the most often and the best
Not sure why I suddenly wanted to know this
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I meant to sat INFP on the third line mot INFJ
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For friendships, I think we probably find it easiest to connect with other “N” types. Extroverts can be easier to meet, since they’re usually happy to carry the conversation until you’re comfortable enough to open-up more. So I guess ENxx types might be best? I also find it fairly easy to befriend ESFJ and ISFJ types, who use Extroverted Feeling (an INFJ’s secondary function).
My best friend is an ESFJ. She says it took years before she felt like I really opened up, but we get along very well now. I usually hit it off pretty well with INTJs and INTPs. If you can find them, they are often excited to have another Intuitive to talk with. I also love ENFJs and ENTPs (probably shouldn’t play favorites with personality types, but those are mine). I get along well with other INFJs when I meet them, but for some reason we seem to have a hard time keeping in touch.
Hope this helps 🙂
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since I can never actually come to asking someone their personality types I just take a guess
but yeah this does actually help
it would be cool to meet another INFJ though I don’t think I even know one
most people come off as an INFP since every guy thinks they are messy and dis-organised
in fact even I do
but that last letter is so hard to figure out
anyways thanks
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If you’re looking for a good reference for sorting out the J-P difference, here’s an article I like: http://www.personalityhacker.com/infp-vs-infj/
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Awesome
Ill check it out
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I remember when I was a young college age person I thought it would be so awesome to go off by myself and camp for a very long time. So I went. After the first night I woke up and thought, “This is stupid, I need to be around people.” So I went home. Classic INFJ. People, I hate being around them and I need them. Ugg!
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Hahaha … I know what you mean 🙂 I did that when I was house-sitting. Thought it would be great to have the place to myself for a week, but after a day I was calling up friends just to talk and then by day three I was begging my cousin to come visit. On the flip-side, I did get lots of writing done
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