There’s potential for meaningful friendship between two people of any personality type. However, certain types just seem to “click” more often than others. Today, I want to talk about that sort of connection happening between ENFJs and INFJs.
I’m an INFJ, and I’m blessed to have several ENFJs in my life, including my brother who is also one of my best friends. ENFJs are almost as rare as INFJs (about 2-5 percent of the population, as opposed to 1-3 percent), so meetings between them don’t happen all that often. But when they do, it’s often the start of a lasting, valuable friendship.
Understanding Each Other
I love spending time with ENFJs. With all the ones I’ve met (at least those who I know are ENFJ), there’s a sense of instant connection that comes with feeling truly understood and accepted. Plus they’re often easier to meet than other INFJs simply because they’re more extroverted. On top of that, they’re great listeners. INFJs crave understanding and connection, and since we’re usually the listeners it’s nice to meet someone who actually wants to listen to and understand you.
In Myers-Briggs circles, we say this type of connection is a result of shared learning and decision-making processes. INFJs lead with Introverted Intuition with a co-pilot of Extroverted Feeling, and ENFJs lead with Extroverted Feeling with co-pilot Introverted Intuition. We “get” each other because we see the world in extremely similar ways.
One of my favorite things about spending time with ENFJs is I never feel like we’re stuck on shallow conversation topics — they’ll dive just as deep into a subject as you want. Also, I love the fact that ENFJs actually voice the kind of random questions that pop into my head and throw them out for discussion. I suspect the ENFJs are also happy to find a conversation partner who’s willing and eager to talk about things like the origin of the universe, whether you’d rather fight a horse-sized chicken or a dozen chicken-size horses, and your own potential relationship compatibility with Disney villains.
Sometimes introverts, like INFJs, complain about feeling worn-out by their extroverted friends. We may love the fact that they help draw us out and will do the talking in situations where we don’t know anyone, but they don’t always understand our need for alone time or desire to leave the party early. This is not true of the ENFJs I know.
In general, ENFJs are friendly, gregarious and popular, but they also need down-time. They are one of the most “introverted extroverts” (along with ENTJs), and I usually find that by the time I’m ready to withdraw from a crowd, my ENFJ friends are as well. One-on-one conversations (or in small groups of 3 or 4 friends) are where I shine, and ENFJs are comfortable here as well.
ENFJs might wish their INFJ friends were a little more outgoing, but I never feel like they’re pressuring me to go past my people-limit. They want me to be the best version of myself that I can be, not to turn me into something else. Sometimes their drive toward perfection (of themselves even more than others) annoys and frustrates me, but I usually find myself admitting their advice is right.
Do you have experience with ENFJ and INFJ friendship pairings? What did you think?
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