There’s potential for meaningful friendship between two people of any personality type. However, certain types just seem to “click” more often than others. Today, I want to talk about that sort of connection happening between ENFJs and INFJs.
I’m an INFJ, and I’m blessed to have several ENFJs in my life, including my brother who is also one of my best friends. ENFJs are almost as rare as INFJs (about 2-5 percent of the population, as opposed to 1-3 percent), so meetings between them don’t happen all that often. But when they do, it’s often the start of a lasting, valuable friendship.
Understanding Each Other
I love spending time with ENFJs. With all the ones I’ve met (at least those who I know are ENFJ), there’s a sense of instant connection that comes with feeling truly understood and accepted. Plus they’re often easier to meet than other INFJs simply because they’re more extroverted. On top of that, they’re great listeners. INFJs crave understanding and connection, and since we’re usually the listeners it’s nice to meet someone who actually wants to listen to and understand you.
In Myers-Briggs circles, we say this type of connection is a result of shared learning and decision-making processes. INFJs lead with Introverted Intuition with a co-pilot of Extroverted Feeling, and ENFJs lead with Extroverted Feeling with co-pilot Introverted Intuition. We “get” each other because we see the world in extremely similar ways.
One of my favorite things about spending time with ENFJs is I never feel like we’re stuck on shallow conversation topics — they’ll dive just as deep into a subject as you want. Also, I love the fact that ENFJs actually voice the kind of random questions that pop into my head and throw them out for discussion. I suspect the ENFJs are also happy to find a conversation partner who’s willing and eager to talk about things like the origin of the universe, whether you’d rather fight a horse-sized chicken or a dozen chicken-size horses, and your own potential relationship compatibility with Disney villains.
Extrovert/Introvert Dynamic
Sometimes introverts, like INFJs, complain about feeling worn-out by their extroverted friends. We may love the fact that they help draw us out and will do the talking in situations where we don’t know anyone, but they don’t always understand our need for alone time or desire to leave the party early. This is not true of the ENFJs I know.
In general, ENFJs are friendly, gregarious and popular, but they also need down-time. They are one of the most “introverted extroverts” (along with ENTJs), and I usually find that by the time I’m ready to withdraw from a crowd, my ENFJ friends are as well. One-on-one conversations (or in small groups of 3 or 4 friends) are where I shine, and ENFJs are comfortable here as well.
ENFJs might wish their INFJ friends were a little more outgoing, but I never feel like they’re pressuring me to go past my people-limit. They want me to be the best version of myself that I can be, not to turn me into something else. Sometimes their drive toward perfection (of themselves even more than others) annoys and frustrates me, but I usually find myself admitting their advice is right.
Do you have experience with ENFJ and INFJ friendship pairings? What did you think?
Featured image credit: Ana via Pexels
If you’d like to know more about the INFJ personality type, check out my book The INFJ Handbook. I just updated it with a ton of new information and resources. You can purchase it in ebook or paperback by clicking this link.
Like An Anchor 
As an extrovert, it is challenging to realize that not everyone operates that way. Growing up, if someone wasn’t talking, it meant that something was wrong , or they were upset with you. So I can tend to not feel like I am connecting with introverts because of the lack of cutting each other off in conversation like a bunch of clucking hens! Additionally, I can feel like I am talking way too much and introverted folks are just politely putting up with me… (which still may well happen sometimes) But it takes a conscious choice to not interpret introverts the way I naturally would. But then again, every person is different, so I can’t necessarily paint with a broad brush!
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I’m a loud introvert so I kinda get the mentality.But when we do go silent it is either because we are in our heads or conserving energy or just don’t want to say something stupid which I have done at times lolz But yeah my best bro is an Enfj we bond well. We did butt heads at times but for the most part we get eachother.
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One of my closest friends is an ENFJ. She seems to understand introversion more than some other extroverted types do. Overall it’s a very comfortable and natural relationship. 🙂
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My test scored INFJ, but I totally see myself as a ENFJ. Both ring true for me…is that even possible??? Lol….
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It’s not uncommon to feel like both types. Both use the same learning and decision making processes, so it’s easy to get them confused. I find, however, that I’m actually quite different than my ENFJ friends. I spend a lot more time in my head and I’m not quite as in-tune with social dynamics. ENFJs are more comfortable in the outer world, and they’re often more excited about going on fun “adventures” than I am.
Personality Hacker has a 10-minute podcast that talks about ENFJs and INFJs. It’s in the context of answering a question about relationships, but it might help clarify differences and similarities between the two types: http://www.personalityhacker.com/phq-questions-enfj-vs-infj/
Their longer podcasts for each type are really good, too, but quite a bit longer:
http://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0090-enfj-personality-type-advice/
http://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0034-infj-personality-type-advice/
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Yes it is possible. I’m an Ambivert, so i am both ENFJ and INFJ. Although my Extroverted side is more dominant.
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One of my longest and closest friendships is with an ENFJ. She is one of my favorite people in the world. I wish I knew more ENFJs. I love their positivity. It helps draw me out of my negative-doom-and-gloom thinking. They are the light to my darkness. 🙂
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Well, I am an INFJ and some time ago I met a man with whom I felt comfortable immediately, which is very unusual for me. Normally it takes me a lot of time to be willing to let someone in (not that I do that in purpose), but in his case it felt rather natural. Recently I found out he is an ENFJ. So, indeed, this post makes sense to me.
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I know the feeling — that’s only happened to me twice, once with an ENFJ and once with an INFJ. Talking openly and comfortably with them just feels so natural.
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I have had people tell me things about themselves and then follow-up with “I don’t mean to bother you about my life” to which I reply that I’m not bothered by it. I’m always amazed at what people have told me in confidence. When someone gets mildly paranoid about their secrets, I simply assure them that whatever they tell me is kept secret – I’m like their doctor, lawyer and priest all rolled up into one. LOL! I guess it’s my semi-easy going nature and friendly personality.
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i wanted to ask what personality type are you marrissa bec it is weird that you feel comfortable with both types isnt it you need to be another kind of personality
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I’m an INFJ.
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Oh that’s why!
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Wow, this is weird! I am an ENFJ guy and we are a rare breed indeed. I have known a few INFJ people in my life (one male, one female) and we did get along fairly well. I am not a strong E, but enough that I derive energy from being around others, love to have intelligent conversations, socialize, affectionate, romantic, high energy level, very positive, patient, etc. People usually enjoy being around me, for the most part and I sometimes tend to make people laugh. The introvert-extrovert title is also true because I am cautious in revealing personal thoughts and feelings about myself and like to keep my various social “worlds” separate. Fascinating stuff!
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Beautiful post!
I am an ENFJ currently with an INFJ man. There is a beautiful, unspoken dynamic that grows throughout our friendship which eventually became a meaningful relationship we could ever ask for. We see the world very similarly in different energies, we agree even when we disagree, and we fulfill each other’s needs without the other one asking because we already intuitively know. Even if it this didn’t work out, I’d know that this is still going to be my life long partner in different ways either as a friend or a mentor.
Advice for ENFJ, be patient with the INFJ because once they give you their time and trust they will almost never give it back. That is why they take their time. Understand they have their layers that you must grow into because there is a very precious core underneath.
I am public relations studies major and he is pre-med. Makes sense for our personality right? We are constantly learning and perfecting each other. I only hope that everyone can experience a love like this, if not ever than at least once in their life.
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I’m an ENFJ and I have three INFJ friends, and my sister is INFP/J and we are also best friends. I totally agree!
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I can only agree on this. Im ENFJ and my soulmate best friend (that I actually met over the internet but just clicked) is INFJ. We can get so much appreciation and understanding from INFJ which we need like air to breath. My INFJ friends are non judgmental and help me with sorting my own head and feelings, which is one of our hardest weakness’.
We can even have the down time together. Being able to just hang around without talking or interacting, is something very special I haven’t had with any other friend, and appreciate very much.
My flatmate is actually INFJ, too. And we just clicked the second she entered the flat for the interview.
This is really precious friendship!
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I’m a INFJ and have a friend that’s ENFJ. It’s so easy to talk to her! It’s like I can finally be myself around her and we can talk for hours and never it’s never get boring.
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