It’s nearly impossible to study Myers-Briggs® types on the Internet without coming across several articles about the incredibly rare and nearly magical INFJ type. I’m an INFJ myself, and I’ve seen us described as the world’s prophets and shamans with deep spiritual insights. We’re called natural empaths with unfailingly accurate telepathy. We appear so deep you’ll never plumb the depths of their souls. We’re even seen as the ideal type–the one everyone else mis-types as because they wish they were this special. And the more people describe INFJs as perfect and other worldly, the more ridiculous the claims about INFJ super-powers becomes. For example, I’ve actually seen such ridiculous claims like these made in INFJ memes and blog posts:
If you’re laughing out loud at the craziness of this, you’re not alone. The tendency to portray INFJs as something akin to a demigod or goddess doesn’t sit well with most healthy INFJs, and yet these sorts of stereotypes are still around. On the one hand, you have certain INFJs and want-to-be INFJs embracing the idea that they’re better/special and using it to look down on other types (something that can be damaging to us as well as to others). And on the other hand, you have non-INFJs buying-in to the otherworldly stereotype and reacting to it in ways that aren’t good for the INFJs (such as when certain people “hunt” INFJs for a relationship, a disturbing thing that I’ve written about in another post).
How Did This Happen?
The simple fact that INFJs are the rarest personality type is going to make us feel and appear different than other people. That’s where this whole thing started–with acknowledging and explaining why INFJs aren’t like the other 98-99% of the population. So far so good. But soon, it started turning into an idea that “different” equals “better.”
INFJs process incoming information with a mental function called Introverted Intuition (Ni). INTJs also lead with this process, and they’re the second-rarest type. That means only 3-7% of the population has this as their preferred mental process (it’s the co-pilot for ENFJ and ENTJ, and they’re pretty rare too). Ni is a perceiving process that’s inward focused, tied to personal perspectives, highly interested in patterns, and is concerned with things that can’t be directly experienced.
It’s not too hard to see how this process could be seen as mystical, or even magical (as side-note, I actually like the nickname “The Mystic” for INFJs as much or more than “The Counselor,” since it focuses on our dominant function instead of our co-pilot). Introverted Intuition doesn’t “make sense” to most people, even the INFJs and INTJs who use it all the time. Pattern-recognition related to things you can’t directly experience is hard to explain. And if we stop trying to explain how this works, then some variation on “it’s magic” seems like a good enough stand-in.
The impression of INFJs as empaths and mind-readers comes from how Ni relates to their co-pilot process, Extroverted Feeling (Fe). Fe picks up on other people’s feelings and makes decisions based on meeting the needs of the whole group. When you couple a keen interest in other people and an ability to pick up their emotions with Ni pattern recognition, INFJs can be insanely good at predicting behavior. And so we became known as the telepathic mind-readers of the Myers-Briggs® community (even though other types use this process as well).
Perpetuating The Unicorn Stereotype
The fact that the quasi-mythical, somewhat deified image has become a stereotype for INFJs is party our fault. Many INFJs grew up feeling like outsiders who never fit in. We’re carrying around deep emotional scars and we’re longing for someone to look at us and say, “Your weirdness makes you wonderful and valuable.” And we find that in the personality type community. Here are a couple examples:
The INFJ has been called “The Mystic,” “The Counselor,” and “Empath”. They are described as original, gentle, caring, and highly intuitive. The quality of extrasensory perception, or ESP, is often attributed to them. People who have known INFJs for years continue to be surprised when yet another layer of their complex personality is revealed. (Ann Holm, “The Mysterious INFJ”)
If we hearken back to humanity’s tribal days, we would likely find only a few INs in a given tribe. At that time, they would have assumed roles such as sage, healer, Shaman or prophet—anything that capitalized on their powers of insight and intuition. Indeed, their rare and unusual gifts would have made INs a precious commodity. (Dr. A.J. Drent, “Why INFJ, INFP, INTJ, & INTP Types Struggle in Modern Life”)
While there are some INFJ haters out there, most of what you’ll find about INFJs on the internet is positive and supportive. In fact, the descriptions are so good at inviting you to identify with this type that non-INFJs are very likely to mis-type when reading about different types online. In at least one little niche of the world, INFJs are in vogue for the first time in their lives. On the one hand, this is a good thing–we do need to understand that there’s nothing wrong with our personalities and that we have amazing strengths. On the other hand, though, we also need to be aware that we’re not a special category of human that’s more valuable, impressive, intelligent, etc. than other people who aren’t INFJs.
The Dark Side of Special Snowflakes
As I mentioned in the opening for this post, there are a couple dangers to letting the mythical unicorn INFJ persona run around unchecked. On the one hand, it can build resentment towards INFJs or make them targets for unwanted attention. I’ve seen a few nasty, aggressive posts attacking INFJs for thinking they’re so special. But for now, let’s set aside how the mythical stereotype hurts people’s perceptions of INFJs and look at how it can lead INFJs to develop wrong ideas about ourselves and damage our relationships with other people.
After writing my “Myths About Sensing Types” post, a reader on Facebook commented that quite a bit of the Sensor-hate online comes from INFJs, who write a large percentage of the personality type content online. Since Sensors make up 70% of the population, that means most of the (very real) emotional wounds that INFJs carry around and feel so deeply came from Sensors. And so we may look down from our “I’m the most insightful personality type around” pedestal and turn Sensing types into villains, or at the very least a type that Intuitives like us cannot get along with.
It’s not just around Sensing types that this sort of thinking can become a problem. We also read that we’re too intelligent for the Feelers and too emotional for the Thinkers, which further alienates us from the other types. Depending on how an individual INFJ responds to the message that they’re special and different, they can become a terror in typology as they wield their 1% status to prove that we’re better than everyone else. Alternately, it might make an INFJ feel even more isolated and alone than they did before now that they’re sure they don’t fit in with other Feelers, or the Thinkers, or Sensors. If we’re to believe our special snowflake status makes it impossible for others to understand us, that leaves a depressingly small pool of people we can build relationships with.
Embracing Differences Without Becoming A Snob
In describing INFJs, it’s important to make sure we do so the same way we describe other types. INFJs are special and different, but we’re no more special and different than everyone else. We need to make sure we talk about and value the unique traits of each type, and show both INFJs and all the non-INFJs balanced, insightful, and helpful portraits of their types online. At the same time, we also need to remember that everyone individual is more than the mental hard-wiring that we call a Myers-Briggs® type.
As INFJs, we need to guard against the temptation to see ourselves as better because we’re more rare or because that’s what we read online. We also have to be careful not to resent or put down other types because they’re not like us or because someone of that type hurt us in the past (I know I have to be careful of that when I meet people with the same personality type as an ex-boyfriend). This shouldn’t really be a difficult thing to do, since as INFJs it’s usually easy for us to see things from other people’s perspectives. Most of us know what it’s like to be misunderstood, misinterpreted, and unfairly judged. Let’s commit to not doing that to other people.
It’s also important to point out that while INFJs aren’t perfect (we’ve all got a bit of a dark side to us), most of us don’t default to thinking we’re better than everyone else. It’s when we’re unhealthy, hurt, and/or stressed that we become adversarial or snobbish towards other people. A healthy INFJ is going to recognize that these tendencies are not ideal and work against them (or perhaps not even have a problem with this at all).
Personality type systems are meant to give us insight into how our minds work. That insight should empower us to understand and embrace our differences while also celebrating the uniqueness of others. It’s okay to enjoy what makes your type unique and, in the case of INFJs, rare as well. It’s even okay to embrace certain aspects of the mystic persona, if that fits your personality in a healthy way. But we should never use our INFJ-ness as an excuse to put-down other people or make ourselves look better than them.
If you’d like to know more about the INFJ personality type, check out my book The INFJ Handbook. I just updated it with a ton of new information and resources. You can purchase it in ebook or paperback by clicking this link.
Like An Anchor 
Thanks for writing this. Another thing I’ve noticed is the whole witch hunt against “fake INFJs” is out of hand. After reading ridiculous accounts about the superpowers of INFJs and the evils of the “imposters”, I spent a long time doubting whether I was really an INFJ because I wasn’t a goddess. This lead to a lot of self doubt and prevented me from exploring my true personality type. So really, the whole snowflake concept really doesn’t help INFJs at all.
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I’ve seen the witch hunt thing, too, and I hate it. I’m sure there are plenty of people who mistype as INFJ, but if so then we should be encouraging them to keep looking for their best fit type, not attacking them. And in some cases the “fake INFJ” hunt gets directed toward people who actually are INFJs but just reject the outlandish aspects of over-the-top type descriptions. It’s crazy.
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Good article well said
Funniest bit for me about the whole wonderful snowflake thing is that likely every infj wished they had the magic power to simply not be yourself anymore.
I for one would have used magic powers if I had any for that
Each person has unique ness literally written on their fingerprints and are also just another sad robot monkey of a type well all live and die do and mistake and so on.
It’s really ironic if people imagine they’d like to be
( arrogant? ) infj s. Because A it s so hard for us mostly we wish we weren’t. B you probably don’t understand what we are or what your real potential is. To be the best you. And diversity is beautiful n inspiring and never tidy or perfect. The one thing I think an infj knows well is they are sure not perfect. People are annoying idiots. Including us INFJs we don’t teleport and don’t do group hugs ( except as a sarcastic joke maybe ? )
We’d like to save the world but being expected to sounds sucky beyond belief. We don’t lead much n follow less well. Stop stalking who you think we are. You’re probably mistaken. As usual. Generally we are not egoists I think. But have a gazillion flaws ( still counting get back to you?) but living limelight sure ain’t one. Being either loved or ( scarier n more likely by experience ) hated for who we are not is deeply disturbing. I’m ok being hated accurately .. strangers low value of me is ( freakingvannoyinc but ) no biggy. Every type and person is special be yourself well. What else can you do ?
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I wish more people used personality type theory the way you’re talking about — to help recognize the value of diversity and that each type (and person) is special. The whole idea of “type envy” doesn’t make sense when you realize everyone has both gifts and struggles that go along with their type, experiences, and all the other things that make them unique
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Yep! Such a needed article, thank you! When I began my INFJ journey I was tempted … oh, so tempted … to think I was smarter than everyone else, and of course I was RAISED to BE SMARTER. This shuts out the world and creates a self-induced cave of selfishness. (not to mention the huge crash at the bottom of the Ravine of Failure) I believe INFJs need to pull the focus off themselves and their special gifts and learn from the strengths of others … like anyone with an E!!!
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I like the point you make about us needing to pull the focus off our special gifts and learn from others. Discovering and appreciating those gifts is such an important first step, but we shouldn’t stop there. I have some Extroverts in my life right now who push me to grow and, while I occasionally feel more like hiding from them than thanking them, it’s good to have people like that around 🙂
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Yes indeed.
Self knowledge is sure needed by all n INFJs benefit from seeing patterns we be experienced n felt alone about.
But. Get the focus off yourself is very good advice I need to tell myself that one more.
It’s good for me to get out of that and simply do stuff is therapy no amount of navel gazing can compare to. And a cure for it.
Small practical things for someone else ect concrete things created and done. A bit of “ good karma” ect.
Getting to do mode can be tough for us I think ..
and it’s nice to feel useful if even small ways in the now. I find increasingly that a tiny goal today is gold for being ok. Saving the world not so much. As for knowing myself. That gets old real fast.
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Another damaging aspect can be the focus on intuition. Sometimes the the message given to intuitives is that their intuition is always right, and therefore hunches should be trusted 100% of the time. That is dangerous advice and acting upon it without question can hurt others in relationships.
On another note, do you think the varying levels of information available for each type is equal to demand? My sensing family members couldn’t care less about personality typing, and the only people I’ve known who care about typing have been intuitives.
Thanks for this piece. It is needed!
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I do think part of it is demand. My posts about intuitives (especially INFJs) tend to get a lot more traffic than other posts. Erik Thor talks about this in one of his articles, too (here’s the link: http://www.erikthor.com/2018/01/17/ever-thought-youre-actually-just-smart-sensor/). He says his posts on non-INFJs get less than half the traffic of posts on other type.
The only sensing types I know in-person who care about personality typing care because they have an intutiive friend or family member who’s interested in it. However, I have met several Sensors online who would like to find more information on their types and are frustrated by the focus on Intuitives. I’d say the demand for posts on sensors is definitely less than for posts on intuitives, but I’m not sure how much of that is lack of interest and how much is sensors giving up on finding the sort of content they’d like.
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Very timely and much needed perspective.
When I was in college, I took tests that typed me as INTJ. I just accepted those multiple choice results even though the description didn’t feel like it matched very well.
Now, I’m pretty confident that I’m an INFJ; it’s made so much more sense and tracks with what I know about myself and my experiences. Maybe it was because I didn’t think it was “cool” to have a feeler function as a male or maybe my mental state with constant stress influenced the results. Regardless, I am secure in my INFJ status and all the strengths and weaknesses that entrails.
But since becoming secure in that knowledge, I’ve found myself put off by a sizeable amount of MBTI content related to my type. Pandering, embarsssing, and shallow depictions of the INFJ as being a superhero with supernatural empathic powers and the like were frustrating to comb through when I never felt unusually powerful or insightful in that regard. All I wanted was information and how to understand myself better. I wasn’t looking for validation I was looking for understanding. And with understanding I could have growth and not be subject to my chronic overthinking mind that always concluded I was mentally flawed because of my “alien”-ness.
Blogs like yours I really appreciate because they are grounded and offer practical insights into my type. They encourage me that we are not irrevocably flawed but also not above common human foibles. It gives me the encouragement to grow and lean in to my unique abilities without ignoring my blind spots and short-comings.
Thanks again!
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Thanks! I’m so glad you like this post 🙂 I really try on my blog to be more grounded and balanced in how I talk about our personality types. I think that’s much more helpful than going to the extremes of either beating people up for their type’s weaknesses or exaggerating the strengths.
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Yes, agreed, though the reason I write about being an INFJ is because I am one and can write with authority on it. I have asked my family to guest post on their types, and my ENFJ daughter has a post waiting for editing eventually, but the rest of my family is uninterested. The first time I wrote about being an INFJ I was trying to give a sort of map to the people who cared about me because I knew I was complex- it was about understanding I felt I could shed light on: http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2016/01/infj-magic-oddnessthe-door-slam-and.html little did I know it would get half a million hits and be visited EVERY SINGLE DAY! I almost took it down but I left it up because some people said it changed their life in a good way. It is hard to strike a balance.
I also wrote a post about Sensors and Intuitives here: http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/2016/06/n-and-s-types-in-familial-relationships.html I think there is a lot of wounds from misunderstanding and if we can understand- things become easier which is why I write. However, you are right about being cautious…and sensors DO look for information less on the web. I have many sensor friends that I begged to do the personality test and then find them information online…and I am glad Personality Hacker began to do podcasts for the Sensors too and create more understanding that way:)
There are also so many other layers to being human. I know I am probably more individualistic because of my Enneagram 4 with 5 wing than most INFJ’s and also insanely intense due to my Scorpio birth, and hold many paradoxes due to chronic illness and having Autism and Dyspraxia. There are so many factors. But knowing myself to the best of my ability helps me know and understand and give grace to others. That is the beauty of it, isn’t it?:) Thanks for sharing!
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I’ve seen a lot of blogs that say “You’re not an INFJ when you do_______” or videos calling out “fake” INFJs. Its seriously getting out of hand.
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I loved this post! I go weeks (maybe even months and years) not thinking about being an INFJ. It is so nice to be able to find articles that speak to me. I had never heard of people pretending to be INFJ. I have spent most of my life wishing I was more like other people. Explaining that I really like sitting quietly at home to people gets boring. Luckily my hubs in an INTP and is all about sitting quietly at home.
Thanks!
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Whoa, found some of the things here intensely relatable. Your memes are hilarious, by the way. : ) Thanks for writing!
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I was first typed as an infj 1998. I haven’t noticed any envy of my type. Why would anyone envy social awkwardness and poor communication skills? This knowledge has helped me understand other people better and find a perfect job fit. Traffic on infj may be so heavy because our need to understand is so much greater than other types. This is the first time I have classified myself in a public forum. Thanks for listening.
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We’re already tired and exhausted by not fitting anywhere and being alone for people not understanding us . If you really wanna make a balance you don’t have to attack infjs like this , this just , at least to me , seems like someone hurt you
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Yeah I agree, it’s hard enough we are so rare because god forbid others think about more then themselves I’m getting off topic. Anyway we need the belief that we are special to inspire us to do great things. If not we would just sit a home doing nothing wishing for the rare chance of another INFJ will coming into our lives.
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Great article. If you’re coming off as a snob to others because you feel more special than the general population, you are not an INFJ. We are NEVER aloof. We see the value in everyone, we FEEL the value in everyone. Being an INFJ is wonderful but it’s also poignant and lonely—it’s not some special snowflake badge. At the end of the day, I don’t think many people would want to truly be like me. Sometimes I’m not even sure I want to be like me. “The Last Unicorn” was not happy to be so rare. It was a burden.
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Who hurt you
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The INFJ ability to read between the lines can be found in a metaphoric thought process. I get that first meme, not literally but metaphorically.
The author is more akin to a sensory type instead of an intuitive type because the author is only seeing the surface level, and taking things literally.
For example, if the author interprets the Bible as literal then:
Matthew 13:47
Verse Concepts
“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a dragnet cast into the sea, and gathering fish of every kind;
…would think that up in the sky, a giant net falls into the ocean and lifts back up into the sky, a net full of ocean species.
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As an infj I will comment we can never feel better than anyone that goes against our principle of oneness. Secondly we are born with understanding of what’s wrong and what’s right even in ancient stories we know if it’s true or lie 3rd we have a childhood memory or dream of chamelion that keep coming to our minds that’s our subconscious mind give us hints of what to focus on that’s our so called spirituality. We are natural psychologist without the need of studying psychology any thing or word we are attached to is very important to focus on. This are my views
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