INFJs have a reputation for being mysterious creatures. If you’re trying to figure out what an INFJ is really thinking, that reputation is somewhat justified. And judging by the number of people online asking, “How can I tell if an INFJ likes me?” it can be very difficult to figure out if an INFJ is attracted to you, especially in a romantic sense.
Even though the whole “otherworldly INFJ” thing has been blown way out of proportion in internet descriptions of the type, there are some things about INFJs that just don’t make sense to most other people. Since INFJs are the rarest type, our minds are wired to think in a fundamentally different (not better) way than the majority of the world’s population.
As a type which uses Extroverted Feeling to make decisions, INFJs are very interested in maintaining harmony in the outer world. This tends to make them very agreeable people. In groups, we can be friendly and sociable with just about everyone. However, we’re also introverts who spend a lot of time inside our own minds. We’re often reserved, private individuals, leaving many people confused about how we actually feel. In addition, many (though not all) INFJs struggle with varying levels of social anxiety and shyness which makes it even harder for us to make it clear when we like someone.
The following list of ways to tell if an INFJ likes you isn’t going to be 100% true of every INFJ. However, it does reflect general trends in the way many INFJs say that they act and think when they like someone.
We’ll Give You Our Time
INFJs are generally friendly people who enjoy socializing more than the stereotypical introvert. But we still have a limited amount of social energy available. If we’re answering the phone when you call, saying “yes” when you ask if we can hang out, and planning to spend time with you that’s a pretty good sign that we like you. At the very least, this means the INFJ considers you a friend.
We May Turn Suddenly Awkward
INFJs can be naturally gracious and charming in social situations, particularly when we’re not thinking about it. An INFJ who’s comfortable in their own skin might even be good at flirting. But more often, we turn especially awkward around people we like. Unfortunately for those trying to figure out if an INFJ likes them, we also get extra awkward around people we don’t like. Generally, though, our awkwardness around people we like is accompanied by smiling. Awkwardness around people we don’t like is accompanied by trying to get away from them.
We Respond To You
When an INFJ likes you, they’ll be much more responsive with you than with most other people. That means more eye contact, more laughing at your jokes, and even more intense listening than they’ll give to other people. Be careful not to take this sign by itself as proof that an INFJ likes you romantically, though. It might just mean that you’ve said or done something the INFJ finds intriguing and they’d like to get to know you better.
Further reading: Your Not-At-All-Confusing Guide To Finding Out If An INFJ Agrees With You
We Linger Near You
One of the main ways that INFJs flirt is by putting themselves in your general vicinity hoping you’ll choose to interact with them. We linger, giving you opportunities to spend time with us or start conversations rather than asking directly. We know it’s not the most effective strategy for letting you know we’re into you, but that’s what we do. In fact, trying to be around you as much as possible might be the most common thing that INFJs do when they like you.
We’ll Get Closer To You
If an INFJ likes someone, they’ll tend to get physically closer to them than to other people. Exactly how this shows up will depend on the individual INFJ. Some INFJs might get farther into your personal space than they do with other people. An other INFJ might initiate casual/playful physical touch. Others might act like they want to touch you, but keep pulling back and looking awkward.
Further reading: Want To Date An INFJ? Here’s 15 Things We’d Like You To Know
We’ll Try To Take Care Of You
When FJ types fall for you, they’ll want to check in regularly and make sure you’re okay. They’ll try to meet your needs, usually before they take care of themselves. And they’ll do their best to keep you happy. All of these actions are ways that FJ types naturally tend to show love. However, others can easily misinterpret this and many INFJs know that we can come across as smothering or intrusive. Much of our awkwardness comes from trying to show we like you in a way that feels natural to us without scaring you away. We’ll be trying to find ways to take care of you without making you think we’re weird or clingy.
We’ll Share Pieces of Ourselves
If an INFJ likes someone, we’ll find ways to share pieces of our soul with the other person. We’ll play a song for you that speaks to something important inside us. We’ll take you to a place that holds a special meaning for us. Be careful not to dismiss these tiny gestures if you want an INFJ to continue liking you. This is often our way of checking to make sure it’s safe to share the really important things with you.
Your turn …
What have your experiences been as someone trying to figure out whether or not an INFJ likes you? Or what is it like for you as an INFJ trying to let someone know you like them? Let’s discuss in the comments.
If you’d like to know more about the INFJ personality type, check out my book The INFJ Handbook. I just updated it with a ton of new information and resources. You can purchase it in ebook or paperback by clicking this link.
4 thoughts on “How To Tell If An INFJ Likes You”
This is such an insightful and wonderful article, i wish there were more like it! Im an INFJ and i frequently display these behaviors with family and close friends but in the end i feel like im trying too much. I like taking care of others but when i dont get a loving response i quietly back off. Sometimes i wish i was somebody’s pet cat so that i could cuddle with someone without feeling awkard (lol). I dont know how other people do it. Most of the time im struggling to maintain a balance between being sweet and understanding, and being strong and fiercely independent.
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Thanks so much for your comment! What you said about wishing you were someone’s pet cat reminds me so much of how I feel. Touch is really important to me, but I’d feel super awkward and needy if I were to ask for a hug or snuggles from most of my friends and family.
A s an INFJ female, this is spot on. The truth is that being interested in anyone, romantic or not, nets these behaviors. So what makes the romantic nature of a relationship unique? Sadly, I cant tell you, as I’m still waiting to find someone who wants me, that I also want in return. And maybe that’s it. The older I get, the more I know I have to cognitively share what is going on in my head to allow others to know and so I can be known.
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I did think about that while writing this article. Most of what I described is things INFJs do when they like someone in any way, not just romantic. I know for me at least I don’t usually feel romantically attracted to someone unless I already have friendly feelings toward them. I wonder if that’s one reason the line between liking someone as a friend and liking someone romantically can seem blurry for INFJs.