10 Things INTJs Need In A Friendship

Ever wonder how to be friends with an INTJ? This personality type has a reputation for being intelligent and aloof loners, but like many stereotypes this isn’t really all that accurate. INTJs put a high value on friendships and they can make wonderful friends.

I’m going to assume that since you’re reading this article you either want to make friends with an INTJ or you want to be a better friend to the INTJs in your life. So without further ado, here are 10 things INTJs need in a friendship.

Looking for a test that can help you discover your personality type? I recommend the free test from Personality Hacker (click here to take it). Please note that this is an affiliate link, which means if you make a purchase after taking the test I’ll receive a small commission at no additional cost to you.

1) Loyalty

INTJs are fiercely loyal once they care about you. Once you earn their trust and they consider you a friend, you can bet they’ll want the same kind of loyalty from you that you’re getting from them. Betraying an INTJ is the fastest way to end the friendship. You’ve heard of INFJ doorslams, right? INTJs can be just as bad, or even worse. You get doorslamed by an INTJ you might as well not exist anymore. Read more

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God Wants The Real You

Unless you’re listening to a branch of Christianity that teaches God doesn’t expect anything from you, Christians talk about change quite a bit. We change our lives when we commit to leaving sin behind and following Jesus. We change how we think as we put on the mind of Christ. We change from being outside the faith to being grafted into God’s chosen people.

There are some things, though, that God doesn’t want to change about you. Or at least, that’s not quite the best way to describe what He’s doing. Rather, He wants to reveal the “you” that He created you to be. He doesn’t want us to get rid of our individuality, our gifts, or our true personalities (though it might feel that way at times).

The way God transforms us often involved quite a bit of change. But it’s not about turning you into someone you’re not. It’s more of a revelation of the truest, best version of you.

He Sees All Of You

God wants a relationship with the real you. I’ve been reading Captivating by John and Stasi

Eldrege, and this quote caught my eye:

He wants your deep heart, that center place within that is the truest you. He is not interested in intimacy with the woman you think you are supposed to be. He wants intimacy with the real you (p. 123)

Though this book is specifically written to women, what I just quoted applies to both genders. Throughout the ages, God calls to our hearts. He longs for a relationship with people who aren’t going to hide themselves from Him. Read more

Just Be Yourself (The Way I Want You To Be)

“Just relax, have fun, and be yourself.”

Usually when I hear this phrase someone is trying to talk me out of being anxious about something. I’m sure they mean well. It’s supposed to be reassuring. Maybe they mean it as a promise that I’ll find acceptance and enjoy myself if I just stop thinking too much about things. But when someone says, “Just relax, have fun, and be yourself” what I hear is, “Be the person I want you to be and have fun doing it.”

What if my real self simply can’t relax in that situation? Or “myself” doesn’t have fun with activities like the one you’re trying to talk me into? In that case, I assume that you’ll either judge me for failing at such a simple instruction or you’ll feel bad that I haven’t enjoyed myself. So instead of actually being myself when I hear this, I want to try to be whatever version of myself I think you expect in response to what you said.

To Chameleon or Not To Chameleon

INFJs interact with the outer world using a function called Extroverted Feeling. Personality Hacker calls this mental process Harmony because it’s concerned with creating and maintaining harmonious relationships between people. It’s often (but not always) something that INFJs are tempted to skip developing because it’s more comfortable for us to stay in our introverted side with Intuition and Thinking.

When you pair a Harmony process that isn’t very well developed with anxiety (not all INFJs have anxiety, but I do), you end up with the sort of situation I described above. You try to “chameleon” into what other people want desperately trying to keep things in a comfortable state of non-confrontation. Read more