10 Confessions of a Socially Anxious Introvert

For introverts like me, learning about your personality is often a huge relief. We read books like Susan Cain’s Quiet, Marti Olsen Laney’s The Introvert Advantage, or Laurie Helgoe’s Introvert Power and we marvel that there are other people like us. We’re not alone anymore. All our weirdness finally makes sense.

Except, introversion didn’t explain everything about my personality. Those writing about introversion were careful to point out that it isn’t the same thing as shyness. I was shy, though, so how did I fit in? Learning from Elaine Aron’s books that I’m a highly sensitive person helped explain why certain environments and situations feel overwhelming, but it didn’t explain the racing heart, sweaty palms, and anxious thoughts that followed me into interactions with people.

I had my first panic attack in a Blockbuster when I was about 14 or 15 years old. That was when I realized there was something going on other than just shyness. Another 15 years later and I now know that I struggle with generalized anxiety, social anxiety, and depression. I won’t get into all that here but if you’re curious you can click to read “My Anxiety Story.”

One of the good things that has come out of all this is that I can write about introversion, social anxiety, and what it means to have both. I can’t speak for everyone, though. Our personalities and anxieties are highly individual and if you’re socially anxious it’s going to be a different experience for you than it is for me. There are commonalities, however, and I think there’s a good chance you’ll identify with some of my confessions as a socially anxious introvert. Read more

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There’s Only One Sovereign, And It Isn’t Me

One of the things I’ve discovered as I’ve confronted and worked through my anxiety is that (for me at least) much of it is connected to control. I fear being controlled, losing control, and not having control. Not being able to predict, plan, and prepare for things can leave me shivering, sweating, and struggling to breathe.

I know part of this goes along with anxiety as a mental health condition. But there’s also a layer that’s something human beings — no matter how their brains function — have struggled with for years. We don’t want to accept “that control is an illusion. There is only one Sovereign … and it isn’t me” (What Does Your Soul Love?).

Now, by saying this I don’t mean for us to think, “Great, one more thing I need to ‘fix’ about myself. As if there wasn’t enough on the list already.” That kind of response is still trying to cling to our own control over the situation. Not only that, it leads to self-condemnation which (as a friend recently reminded me) is not a good place to be. Instead, the solution to grasping for control we can’t really have is to surrender everything to God and trust Him to be God.

Let Go, and Let God

I’ve been reading a new book, which will be out in September, called What Does Your Soul Love? by Alan and Gem Fadling. Chapter 8’s title is “Control: What Are You Clinging To?” Reading it has been a challenging, but it’s one that I’ve found both convicting and helpful.

“Much of the anxiety we carry is actually brought on by our own fear and a desire for control. We want to put our fears to rest, so we try to control people and situations …

“Letting go is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself … [It] is a process, and the loving arms of God are a good place to start” (What Does Your Soul Love?)

Of course, my first response to this was trying to come up with a plan for how I can get better at letting go. Then the book hit me with the line, “We want to get control of our transformation and cling to personal strategies of how to make it happen.” I do that. Even reading this book is another step in trying to get reliable, controllable strategies for fixing myself.

“Sometimes, my implicit prayer when it comes to change has ended up as something like, ‘Lord, change me … as long as I can be in control of how it happens.'” (What Does Your Soul Love?)

Ouch. I do that, too. The unknown is scary, but “I’m afraid” isn’t a good excuse for not putting yourself in God’s hands. Attempting to control things ourselves certainly isn’t safer than trusting the only all-powerful and all-loving Beings in the universe. The Father and Jesus are perfectly capable of handling anything we face and They want us to let Them help. Also, They’re not going to condemn us for struggling. God is love, and filling us with His love is how He transforms us. Read more

Fear Not, For I Have Redeemed You

I have a few Bible verses on necklaces or bracelets so I can wear them as encouraging and anxiety-fighting reminders of God’s presence and love. One necklace has the title of this post on it: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you.” This phrase comes from Isaiah 43, which begins one of my favorite passages of scripture.

But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I gave Egypt for your ransom,
Ethiopia and Seba in your place.
Since you were precious in My sight,
You have been honored,
And I have loved you;
Therefore I will give men for you,
And people for your life. (Is. 43:1-4, NKJV)

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve turned to these verses for comfort and hope when I’m feeling lost, alone, or afraid. The verses I just quoted are the ones I usually read, and I find the assurance of God’s overflowing, unstoppable love incredibly encouraging on it’s own. But it’s even better in context. To really understand these verses, we need to go back to the chapter before.

Servant Song

Behold, my servant, whom I uphold;
my chosen, in whom my soul delights—
I have put my Spirit on him.
He will bring justice to the nations. (Is. 42:1, WEB)

Verses 1 to 9 contain the first of four Messianic “Servant Songs” in Isaiah. It identifies the Messiah (Jesus Christ) as the one who will bring “justice.” We talked about this Hebrew word, mishpat, in last week’s post. It refers to judgements and ordinances backed-up by all functions of government — in this case, the correct, just government of God Himself. And here’s what the Messiah does with this authority: Read more

Nine Tips For Better Sleep Hygiene So You Can Get A Good Night’s Rest

This article first appeared on MadebyHemp. One of their representatives sent me an email several weeks ago suggesting we could promote some of each other’s articles. I haven’t tried CBD oil myself, but I did some research on it when writing for a client and it sounds like something that really could help a lot of people. This post also has some very good content about habits that can help us get a better night’s sleep, which I think most of us would appreciate. I hope you find it useful!

 

Sleep hygiene is the series of routines, habits, and behaviors you partake in relation to your sleep. Unknowingly or not, each of us has our own rituals and behaviors which may impact our overall feeling of rest. Things like a 3 pm cup of coffee or sleeping in on the weekend to ‘catch up’ on sleep are examples of undesirable sleep hygiene behaviors.

Sleep hygiene is important because it can either improve or reduce the quality of sleep you are getting. A few simple tweaks can really improve the amount of sleep you are able to get – whether that is 6 hours or 9 hours.

This list is a holistic approach to improving your nighttime habits and is not a simple one-step solution.

You would think as a CBD company we would list CBD as a sleep aid, but we believe it’s more important to live a wellness lifestyle as opposed to simply adding and relying on a supplement to help you sleep. A ‘supplement’ is just that – a supplement to an already healthy lifestyle!

1. Develop a night-time wind down routine

This can include:

Engaging in this series of behaviors will gradually signal to your body you are getting ready to go to sleep – and these behaviors will also aid in relaxing your mind and body. Read more

How To Fight Anxiety With God’s Help

Some of the hardest verses in the Bible for me to accept are those that say things like “fear not” or “do not be anxious.” As I shared with you all earlier this week, I’ve been living with anxiety and panic attacks for half my life. It’s become so much a part of who I am that even the thought of not being anxious scares me. I alternate between clinging to the Bible’s promises of God’s power to drive away fear and being afraid that I can’t accept those promises.

There is a difference between having an anxiety disorder and just being anxious/worried about things sometimes. And I want to make clear from the very beginning of this post that when you’re struggling with anxiety as a mental health issue, I don’t think you should just try to pray it away. Go talk with a mental health professional. They can be a huge help in learning to manage and minimize your anxiety.

With that said, there is overlap to the way the Bible talks about combating fear and the way modern psychology (at least some therapy styles) approach treating anxiety. Working to change unhelpful thought-patterns, finding hopeful things to focus on, building a supportive community — those are all things that can help you move away from anxiety controlling your life and toward living a full life even if you still have anxieties. And that’s part of what God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ want for us — an abundant life free from fear. Read more

My Anxiety Story

My first panic attack happened in a Blockbuster about 14 or 15 years ago. I was high-school age and trying to spend a gift card I’d won in a library reading program. I hadn’t been in there before and new places made me nervous, but I’d planned exactly what I was looking for and my mom and sister were with me so it was going to be fine. Then the DVD wasn’t there. And I can’t make up my mind what to do, my mom wants me to hurry up because we’re running late, my sister says just make a decision already, and suddenly I can’t breath so I grab a DVD march up to the counter, and get out. Then my family asks why I was rude to the cashier and seem so angry.

It didn’t feel like anger. My heart was racing, hands shaking, breathing shallow. I felt hot all over and my skin seemed too small. But other than embarrassing, I didn’t know what it was. And then it happened again months later in a Hobby Lobby. I’d worked up the courage to ask about a price that seemed too high, which lead to a confrontation with the manager and the realization that I was the one who’d read the sign wrong. Again the tightness in my chest, the shallow breathing, the shaking, and too-warm feeling. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

College didn’t make things any better. After I spent most of my first quarter hiding or in tears, I found myself in the Dewey Decimal 155.2 (Individual Psychology) section of a library’s bookshelves. Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Won’t Stop Talking* and Elaine Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You* were literal life-changers. I recommend them to people more often than any other non-fiction book except the Bible. I finally understood why so many things that other people treated as normal seemed overwhelming to me. But they still didn’t explain everything.

  • *please note that these are affiliate links, which means that at no additional cost to you, I’ll receive a small commission if you click on the link and make a purchase.

Realizing I Had Anxiety

I’m not sure exactly when I began to suspect I was dealing with an anxiety disorder. In June of 2013 I wrote on this blog, “I’m not very good at letting go of my anxiety.” But I was still thinking of it more in the sense of “I worry too much” rather than “a psychologist would say I have anxiety.” I started feeling guilty for thinking of myself as anxious, especially when people who knew they had anxiety started following my blog and I realized mine didn’t seem as bad as theirs. Maybe I was just a wimp who was overeating to normal, everyday worries. Read more