Personality Type Myth-Busting: Are There Sensitive Extroverts?

Back in 1991, Dr. Elaine N. Aron began researching high sensitivity and discovered a trait she calls Sensory-Processing Sensitivity. You might have heard of it by the more popular term used describe those with this trait, Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

This trait is not well understood by the majority of people. Dr. Aron says that it is “often mislabeled as” shyness or “introversion. It has also been called inhibitedness, fearfulness, or neuroticism.” HSPs can be like that, but it’s not part of the basic trait.

Even with discussion of HSPs becoming more mainstream this trait is still often lumped in with introversion. Couple that with descriptions of introverts as sensitive, thoughtful people who don’t need much outside stimulation and you can be forgiven for thinking that all HSPs are also introverts.

Almost 1/3 of HSPs Are Extroverts

I’ve written a couple articles for HSP introverts. “These Aren’t My Feelings: Absorbing Emotions as an INFJ” is focused on empathic, sensitive INFJs. “An Open Letter To Socially Timid Highly Sensitive People” is for my fellow HSPs who are both introverted and shy. They’re decent articles, but they ignore a good percentage of the highly sensitive population.

Sensory processing sensitivity is found in 15 to 20% of the total population (that’s about 1.4 billion highly sensitive people). Of that group, 30% are extroverts. This means that almost 1/3 of all the HSPs Dr. Aron has studied are not introverts after all. Read more

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Personality Type Myth-Busting: Are Extroverts Incapable of Understanding Introverts?

One of the things that really irritates me when I see certain introverts talking online is how much they seem to hate extroverts. They’ll even use that word — “I hate this thing that extroverts do” or “I hate it when extroverts are like this.” Some even have lists of all the things they hate about extroverts.

We introverts have been pushing for a while now to get recognized as “normal.” Introversion is how about 50% of the population’s brains are hardwired. It’s an inborn preference for the inner world of thoughts and ideas, which is also shaped by our unique individual experiences. So stop judging us for it, okay?

What far too many of us forget is that the exact same things are true of extroversion. For about 50% of the population, being an extrovert is perfectly normal. It’s an inborn preference for the outer world of things and people. Extroverted and introverted mental “wiring” are both perfectly normal. Both are needed, and both personality types deserve respect.

So with that clarification out of the way, let’s talk about whether or not extroverts are incapable of understanding introverts. Read more

Personality Type Myth-Busting: Are All Introverts Quiet?

I think most people would tell you that one of the defining traits of introverts is that they are quiet. It’s even the name of one of the most popular introvert books — Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. This also happens to be the book that first got me started on studying and embracing introversion, and it’s still one of my favorite books.

But in the midst of this “quiet revolution” that’s pushing for greater acceptance of introversion, we might get the idea that all introverts are characterized by being soft-spoken people who rarely talk. However, that’s not entirely accurate and that’s not what really what Susan Cain meant when she named her book Quiet.

Confusing Introversion and Shyness

One of the most common mistakes regarding introversion is to assume it’s the same thing as shyness. But introversion is simply a description of how about 50% of the population’s brains are “hardwired.” It’s a preference for the inner world and a need to recharge in solitude. Shyness, on the other hand, is related to social anxiety. Read more

What If We Stopped Trying To Impress People?

I like to keep the people around me happy. I want harmony in all my relationships, and I hate conflict. Take all those (along with a few other personality traits and some insecurities) together, and you end up with someone who’s been a “people pleaser” for most of her life.

It’s normal for FJ personality types to act based on what will meet everyone’s needs and work to maintain harmonious relationships. That’s because they use Extroverted Feeling, or “Harmony,” as their decision-making process. But at some point in their personal growth journey, FJs need to realize that 1) you’re part of the “everyone” whose needs should be met, and 2) it’s impossible to please everyone.

Since writing my post “Are You Ready To Find Your Weirdness?” I’ve been thinking about what effect embracing authenticity will have on interpersonal relationships. One of the things I’ve realized is that instead of trying to adjust my presentation of myself to impress specific people, I need to focus more on bringing my best self to every conversation and interaction. If they’re impressed by that, cool, but if not it’s okay. Failing to please everyone isn’t really failure at all. It’s just something that happens.

We Can’t Please Everyone

It’s impossible to connect with everyone unless you’re adjusting yourself to please them. There’s far too much variety in human beings’ beliefs and preferences for your authentic self to resonate equally well with every person. In fact, if we’re being honest, I’m sure there are some types of people you don’t really want to resonate with. For example, you’d probably worry about yourself if a Klu Klux Klan member felt that you understood and agreed with them 100%. Read more

What Do You Want Your Inner World To Look Like?

The world inside our minds can be a fascinating place. For some of us, it’s even more “real” than the outer world. Introverts in particular approach the world from the perspective that reality is what we bring to it from within. However, every type has an introverted and an extroverted side. Extroverts have an inner life, just like Introverts have an extroverted persona they use in the outer world. We all prefer one or the other as our starting point for conceptualizing reality, but every human being has an “inner world” of some kind.

Susan Storm’s post “The Secret World of Every Introverted Myers-Briggs® Personality Type” is what prompted today’s post. It got me thinking about how the worlds inside our own heads work, especially in connection with the Joyce Myers’ book Battlefield of the Mind that I’ve been reading. How much control do we have over the types of thoughts that we think? To what extent is our inner world shaped consciously? And if we don’t like something about the way our inner world or “thought life” is now, can we change it?

Our Minds Shape Us

The question of what our inner world looks like is probably most interesting to introverts, but I think it’s one that extroverts benefit from considering as well. None of us walk around all day with our minds a blank slate waiting for something outside us to fill out thoughts. We’re all using our inner thought life for something, even if it seems to just be running on automatic.

The Book of Proverbs tells us that as a man “thinks within himself, so is he” (Prov. 23:7, TLV). Even if you’re not a Bible-reader, it’s still a principle that we can apply. The things that we think about on the inside shape who we are and who we’re becoming on the outside. It’s impossible to separate what our inner world looks like from the reality of who we are as a whole person. Read more

I’m Going On An Adventure!

So … I’m going to France this fall.

If you’re reading that and staring at the screen like this 😮 you’re not alone; I’m pretty shocked, too.

My family has always traveled for Sukkot/Feast of Tabernacles. It’s an 8-day festival and there are groups meeting to celebrate it all over the world, so that’s a perfect time to travel. This year, though, my parents are meeting with a local group and my sister suggested we take off with our brother for a more distant location than usual.

Considering the farthest from home I’ve been up until this point is Rapid City, South Dakota the Mediterranean coast of France is quite a bit more adventurous. Both my siblings will have visited Europe before by the time we leave for France, but this will be my first trip overseas and only my second trip in an airplane.

I'm Going On An Adventure! | LikeAnAnchor.comOn a side note, I now want to re-read The Hobbit after picking Bilbo’s words for the title of this post title. Not planning on facing any dragons while in France, but a girl can always dream.

I’m really excited about this trip. Truly I am. I’m fascinated by European history and French is one of the very few languages I’ve put any effort into learning. We’ll get to do things like visit a museum housed in a 12-century church and go horseback riding along the Mediterranean coast. It’s a dream come true! Several, in fact.

But I’m also experiencing some mild panic. It’s not the most prudent financial decision I’ve ever made. I don’t like committing to things this far in advance, even though I do like to plan ahead. And the wide variety of first experiences and unknowns provide plenty of fuel to power my anxious imagination.

So one of my main goals in prepping for this trip over the next several months is to not panic. There’s no reason my imagination has to get stuck on all the terrifying “what if?” questions. I’ve used my mind to come up with whole fantasy worlds and people who exist nowhere else but my imagination the printed page. Surely I can use it to imagine all the good things that can (and will) happen on a trip to France with my brother and sister.

Do any of my readers who deal with anxiety have travel tips you’d like to share?