Are You a Vanishing INFJ? Here Are 5 Tips for Keeping in Touch With People When You Want to Withdraw

One of my most popular posts on this blog is one I wrote back in 2016 called “The Vanishing INFJ.” Not only does it get quite a bit of traffic, but I’ve heard from several INFJs who contacted me specifically about the idea of them “vanishing.” It’s often something they hadn’t realized about themselves, but recognized immediately when they read my article.

Many INFJs have a tendency to drop out of contact with people. We get distracted by the world inside our own heads and might cancel plans, respond very briefly to communication attempts, or ignore other people entirely. Some INFJs might do this very rarely, other quite frequently. It depends on a variety of factors, including the INFJ’s priorities, maturity, personal growth, and how much social energy they have left after dealing with the people they come in contact with each day.

As an INFJ, you might think it’s perfectly normal to go months without contacting someone. You might not even notice it if you’re used to retreating inside your head for long periods at a time. Or perhaps you do notice it, but you worry about intruding on others and so you don’t like to reach out first. Maybe this time your vanishing is prompted by some outside influence, such as the social distancing regulations designed to help stop the spread of the Covid-19 pandemic.

As you become aware of your tendency to “vanish,” you might also notice that it can have a negative effect on your relationships. Assuming these are relationships you value, you’ll want to find ways of keeping in touch with the people you care about and not letting your “vanishing” get in the way. Here are five tips for keeping in touch with people even when you’d be more comfortable withdrawing.

1) Give Yourself Alone Time

This may seem a weird place to start a list of tips for keeping in touch with people. After all, “alone” is the opposite of keeping in touch. It’s one of the things that happens when you vanish.

INFJs are introverts, however, and that means we need a certain amount of introvert time. One of the reasons we may want to vanish is because we’re burned-out and need some time to recharge. Before you try to push yourself to reach out to others, make sure you’re taking care of yourself as well. Read more

How To Start A Deeper Conversation With Each Myers-Briggs® Personality Type

This pandemic might have us stuck at home and/or keeping our distance from other people. But that doesn’t mean we have to go without conversation. We humans are social creatures, and even the introverts need other people sometimes. And so we head online to talk with people on social media, or pull out our phones and call a friend, or join one of the Zoom hang-outs that people are organizing to stay in touch. If we’re still leaving our homes, we might have the chance to talk with customers and co-workers in-person as well.

But what do you talk about?

Assuming you want to move beyond the weather and other small-talk, then you’ll need to find a topic that the other person is interested in as well. When trying to draw others into conversation, it can help to know what things different personality types like to talk about.

I recently published two posts about how to tell which Myers-Briggs® type you’re having a conversation with: How Do You Know If You’re Talking with a Feeling or a Thinking Type? and How Do You Know If You’re Talking with an Intuitive or a Sensing Type? Figuring out which personality type someone has is going to involve talking with them quite a bit, so if that’s part of your goal then you’ll already be having a conversation with. Once you know someone’s type, or have a good guess which type they might be, then knowing how to start a deeper conversation with each personality type can help you move past small-talk to connecting on a more meaningful level. Read more

Going Crazy Stuck at Home? Here Are an Introvert’s Tips for Making the Most of Social Distancing

As an introvert who works from home, I’m used to being socially distant from people for the better part of each week. For most of us, though, the coronavirus quarantine is way outside our normal way of life. Even many introverts are discovering they miss being around people more than they thought they would. Humans are social creatures, and we all need other people to a certain extent.

For me personally, I know from a week spent house-sitting that I don’t do well if I’m completely isolated for more than a couple days. Thankfully I live with family, so I’m not too terribly lonely even with the quarantine. But I know there are many people who live alone, or who are stuck in situations where the people they live with aren’t safe to be around, or who are so extroverted that just having a couple other people in the house isn’t enough to keep them from going stir-crazy.

Thankfully, your introverted friends have been preparing for just this sort of situation. We’re full of good ideas for how to spend your time when you can’t (or don’t want to) be around other people. Since we’re stuck at home anyway we might as well make the most of it, so here are an introvert’s best tips for how to put your time in social isolation to good use.

Keep In Touch

As I’ve said before, introverts need people too. We all (to varying degrees) need a certain amount of human interaction to keep mentally and even physically healthy. Thanks to modern technology, there are plenty of ways to do that without actually being in the same room as the other person.

Phone calls are a great way to keep in touch. I used to hate the phone, but now I’ve changed my mind just enough that I’m happy to spend hours talking with a few close friends. If you really want to communicate with someone calling is a faster way with more immediate feedback than text or email. But if phones aren’t your thing (or, like me, there are only a very few people you feel comfortable calling), then write a letter or send an email or shoot someone a text.

Read A Book

Reading has long been a favorite at-home activity for both introverts and extroverts. If you have not been hoarding books like the apocalypse is coming and you might be the last library left in the world (I have 1,100+ books on my shelves), then you can order some online, download ebooks, or turn to our local library. Read more

What Does It Mean When an Introvert Says You Don’t Count as People?

If an introvert says they “don’t think of you as people,” what do they mean? You might think that not being considered people is an insult somewhere along the lines of calling you sub-human. However, that’s far from the case when this phrase is coming from an introvert. We actually mean it as a compliment.

Being an introvert does not mean you hate people. Even so, for many introverts, “people” aren’t a group that they trust or feel particularly comfortable around. To quote Agent K from Men in Black, “A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it.” That pretty much sums-things up. An individual might be okay but as a group people aren’t necessarily all that great.

If you “don’t count as people” for an introvert, that means you’ve gotten past our lines of defense guarding us from the world at large. You’re in the inner circle of human beings who aren’t part of that big, scary mass of people.

Mapped to the Inner World

Introverts are people for whom the inner world is more “real” to them than the outer world. They live life from the inside first, and take that focus into their outer world interactions. As a general rule, people are part of the outer world. But it is possible for introverts to “map” the people they’re closest to into their inner world. Read more

10 Things That INFPs Find Extremely Annoying

Have you ever wondered why something you thought wasn’t a big deal annoyed your INFP friend? Or why you, as an INFP, find certain things other people don’t even seem to notice the most irritating part of your day?

The Myers-Briggs® types are a tool for talking about how our minds work. They describe the mental processes that we use most comfortably, and these “functions” come together in unique ways for each personality type. Because of the special way our brains operate, each personality type has different things that they typically find annoying.

Of course, even if a group of people share a personality type there will still be plenty of individual differences. For example, some INFPs might not have a big problem with people who make assumptions about them or others. In general, though, most INFPs are going to find the 10 things on this list extremely irritating.

10 Things That INFPs Find Extremely Annoying | LikeAnAnchor.com
Photo credit: Mash Babkova via Pexels

1) Inauthentic People

This is the first point mentioned in a video made by an INFP from the UK titled “Things That Really Annoy INFPs.” It’d be a good video to watch if you’re interested in the subject of this post. Because INFPs place such a high value on authenticity in themselves they also find  a lack of authenticity annoying in others. In fact, Personality Hacker’s nickname for an INFP’s preferred cognitive function of Introverted Feeling is “Authenticity.”

INFPs tend to approach the world from the inside-out (as do introverts in general). One thing I found very interesting about this video is the INFP who made it said that she thinks INFPs are annoyed when they see in other people things that they fear or don’t like in themselves. It’s not just that INFPs are annoyed with people who are inauthentic and hypocritical (though that’s definitely the case). They’re also annoyed when the inauthenticity of others forces them to confront something inside them that doesn’t match-up with the authentic version of themselves that they want to be. Read more

10 Things That INTPs Find Extremely Annoying

Have you ever noticed that something you thought wasn’t a big deal annoyed your INTP friend? Or maybe you, as an INTP, have realized that you find certain things that don’t seem to bother other people incredibly irritating?

The Myers-Briggs® personality types are a tool for talking about how peoples’ minds work. They describe the mental processes that we use most comfortably, and these “functions” come together in unique ways for each personality type. Because of the special way our brains operate, each type has different things that they typically find annoying.

Of course, even if a group of people share a personality type there will still be plenty of individual differences between them. Some INTPs might, for example, see social norms as a necessary evil rather than something that really annoys them. In general, though, most INTPs are going to find the 10 things on this list extremely irritating.

10 Things That INTPs Find Extremely Annoying | LikeAnAnchor.com
Photo credit: Autri Taheri via Unsplash

1) Beliefs That Don’t Make Sense

INTPs have a deeply rooted desire for things to make sense to them. If they have to spend much time around people who hold beliefs that the INTP thinks are nonsensical it’s going to quickly become annoying. An INTP’s favorite mental function is called Introverted Thinking, and they spend most of their lives honing it to sort new information by what does and doesn’t make sense within their framework for how the world works. While they may delight in pointing out an idea’s logical errors, they’ll still be annoyed by people stubbornly clinging to beliefs that make no logical sense.

10 Things That INTPs Find Extremely Annoying | LikeAnAnchor.com
Photo credit: Free-Photos via Pixabay

2) Rules That Don’t Make Sense

I imagine INTPs are the sort of people who, as children, asked “Why?” often enough to exasperate every adult they knew. Even as adults, INTPs want to know the reason behind rules, traditions, and social expectations. And if there is no reason (or if the reason is something like, “we’ve just always done it this way”) then don’t expect INTPs to be happy about being told they need to follow those rules. Read more