Like An Anchor

Writing A “Husband List”

13 July, 2015
Every girl who wants to be married has dreamed about what he will be like. Many of us have written lists of the traits our ideal man will have. Over the years, we’ve also heard various views on writing husband lists. Some people say you should have a list, so you know what you’re looking for. Others say that having a list makes your focus too narrow and that you’re “limiting God.”

bg image credit: Anonymous on Flickr

I had a nice long list when I was in my teens, then a short list of “must haves,” and now a more specific idea that’s not written down. Recently, though, a married friend encouraged me to write a new list to pray over. She had a list, and when she was in her 30s she met a man who fit every thing she’d been praying for (right down to the kind of car he drove) and married him 2 weeks after their first meeting (yes, you read that right. They’re still happily married and have two teenage kids). I know other girls who’ve been told their standards were “too high” yet found guys who matched everything on the list they were praying for, and there are also ladies like blogger Lucinda McDowell who prayed for 24 things in a husband, and God gave her 23. Writing a list doesn’t make you “too picky” — it means you have standards, and that’s a good thing.

So I started work on my new list. And I thought perhaps other girls might find it useful to read about how I decided what to include. There are articles out there offering lists of non-negotiables for you to base your list on, but even the essential qualities are going to look a bit different for everyone. For example, if you’re Christian, some form of “He’s a practicing believer” is probably at the top of your list, but what does “practicing believer” mean to you?

Just a quick note … guys can write “wife lists” too, and I suspect that much of what I talk about here might be useful for that as well. Since I’m a girl thinking about a future husband, though, that’s what I’m going to focus on for this post.

Free Writing

I’ll be honest — I actually didn’t start with this step, but I think now I should have. You want your list to reflect the things you feel like you “should want” as well as what you truly desire, and so there’s often a feeling of not being able to ask for “little thing” or mention appearance at all. But if we’re honest, things that might seem shallow at first glance are still there in the back of our minds, which means they do matter on some level. Starting with free writing gives us a chance to put those little dreams on paper without feeling bad about them.

Grab a piece of paper and just start writing the first phrases and descriptions that pop into your head when you think about what kind of guy you would like to marry. Think about guys (real and fictional) you’ve had crushes on and list the things about them you found attractive. Think about guys you’ve dated and list things that you liked about them, and the opposite of the reason you broke up with him (i.e., if you’re boyfriend didn’t respect your boundaries, you might add “respects my boundaries”). Think about happily married couples you know and list things you want to see in your own marriage. Write down literally anything that you think of, no matter how unrealistic it sounds.

Now look back over your list. Circle anything that 1: doesn’t have to do with physical appearance and 2: you consider absolutely essential in a relationship. You’re looking for things that have to do with who he is as a person, like “loves God,” “good communicator,” and “we worship together.”

Next, look at the things you haven’t circled yet. Cross-out anything that you know is 1: not essential for you in a relationship (I crossed out “rich singing voice”), 2: only related to physical appearance (such as “taller than me), and/or 3: completely unrealistic. While you’re doing this, you might find that you can replace an unrealistic goal with a related realistic goal. For example, instead of “rich as Mr. Darcy” you might list, “able to provide financially for a family.” I would encourage you to pray about the things you want but know are unrealistic. Sometimes, we use unrealistic expectations to push other people away and shield ourselves from being vulnerable in relationships.

Now you have a sheet of paper with things crossed out, things circled, and a few things that are neither. For now, set this list aside.

Red, Yellow, Green

There’s a book called True Love Dates by Christian relationship counselor Debra Fileta that recommends writing three separate lists, and that’s where we’re going to start. Before you spend any more time writing down the things you want in a relationship, we’re going to write a list of things that are never okay.

“Stop” and “Slow”

The first thing you’re going to write is a Red list of traits that always mean “stop” when you notice them in a relationship. If a guy has any characteristic from your Red list, you do not pursue a relationship with him (no matter how many good traits he has). My Red list includes things like “does not believe in God/won’t respect my belief” and “refusal to communicate,” along with others like the examples Debra Fileta gives in her book:
- Abusiveness (physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual)
- Dangerous and uncontrolled temper or displays of aggression
- Pattern of dishonesty or betrayal
The next step is writing a Yellow list. This is for things you’re not sure about and would need serious consideration and discussion before moving forward in a relationship. They give you pause, but don’t mean the relationship can’t work. A few on my list are “previously married” and “trouble handling money.” Here are more examples from True Love Dates:
- Family of origin issues and problems
- Unhealthy habits or behaviors
- Lacks motivation, goals, and dreams
“Go” For It!

credit: Raymond Brown

Now for the fun part — the Green list or “husband list” of things you want to have in your relationship. If Red means stop and Yellow means slow down and reevaluate, Green means you can feel good about going forward with a relationship. Here’s where we get to go back to the free writing exercise.

I sorted my list into four categories: “Personal Values,” “Family and Relationships,” “Makes Me Feel …” and “Personality.” The circled phrases from my free writing exercise ended up in the first three categories, and many of the phrases that were neither circled nor crossed out ended up in one of the last two categories (you might even list a couple of the ones you crossed-out if they are still important to you). I saw the “Personality” category as representing things I want, but some of which could be negotiable. Here’s a few specific items from each list, so you can see what I’m talking about without me sharing a copy of the whole thing:
- Personal Values
  - follows God and Christ first
  - uses his gifts to serve in some way
  - demonstrates integrity, commitment, faithfulness
- Family and Relationships
  - respects and helps set boundaries
  - wants children
  - hospitable; welcomes guests and visitors to our home
- Makes Me Feel …
  - protected and cherished
  - listened to and understood
  - like I’m valuable and contributing to his life
- Personality
  - slow to anger
  - good communicator
  - enjoys discussing ideas
Looking At Yourself

Now that you have your list, turn it back on yourself and ask if you have those qualities. Would the guy you’ve written about want to date, or marry, you? Some of this should match pretty easily — you wouldn’t list a guy who wants 6 kids if you didn’t want 6 kids.

Others might be harder. If you listed a man who spends time with God every day, will he want to marry you if you regularly forget to study? Or if you ask for a guy who will never cheat on you, are you prepared to be faithful to him? If you want an Ephesians 5 husband, will you be an Ephesians 5 wife?

I hope this post was helpful to you — writing the list that inspired it has certainly helped me. While we know that God knows exactly what we need without us telling Him, I think it is helpful for us to have something more to ask Him than “please give me a good husband.” You’re putting effort into pursuing a relationship by figuring out what it is you’re looking for. God bless you, my dear readers.

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. (Ps. 37:4)
The Cure For Evil (Lessons from Micah)

11 July, 2015

In Micah, the prophet speaks out against immorality and injustice. The book also contains some beautiful Millennial passages, since ultimately the solution to the evils Micah talks about is the rule of Jesus Christ. Even so, he doesn’t tell us to just sit around begging Jesus to come back and fix everything. We’re still responsible for our actions, and God still expects the immoral and unjust to repent or face the consequences.

The Problem

Woe to those who devise iniquity, and work out evil on their beds! At morning light they practice it, because it is in the power of their hand. (Mic. 2:1)

A friend recommended the TV series Hell on Wheels, and in the pilot episode there was a conversation where one character says, “there were certain lines that I crossed, lines of morality I didn’t think myself capable of crossing. But that’s what men do in war.” The main character replied, “Moral men don’t.”

This scripture in Micah 2 is talking about that first kind of man — the kind who crosses lines of morality when they think there won’t be consequences. The kind who plots how they can get away with evil things, and then does whatever they want as long as they have the power to do it. God hates that sort of thing.

As Micah goes on, God promises that those who covet, steal, oppress, and lie will be destroyed because they have hurt God’s people while they defiled and polluted their lives (Mic. 2:1-11). This refers to anyone walking contrary to God; the next chapter moves on to a more specific group of evil doers.

And I said: “Hear now, O heads of Jacob, and you rulers of the house of Israel: Is it not for you to know justice? You who hate good and love evil; who strip the skin from My people, and the flesh from their bones; who also eat the flesh of My people, flay their skin from them, break their bones, and chop them in pieces like meat for the pot, like flesh in the caldron.” Then they will cry to the Lord, but He will not hear them; He will even hide His face from them at that time, because they have been evil in their deeds. (Mic. 3:1-4)

This isn’t just talking about civil leaders either. The religious leaders were also corrupt.

Now hear this, you heads of the house of Jacob and rulers of the house of Israel, who abhor justice and pervert all equity, who build up Zion with bloodshed and Jerusalem with iniquity: her heads judge for a bribe, her priests teach for pay, and her prophets divine for money. Yet they lean on the Lord, and say, “Is not the Lord among us? No harm can come upon us.” (Mic. 3:9-10)

These were the leaders who were supposed to guide the people to God, and instead they plotted to increase their wealth at the expense of others. They thought that merely by virtue of being in leadership among God’s people that God would protect them, but He doesn’t protect those who exploit the authority He has given.

Therefore because of you Zion shall be plowed like a field, Jerusalem shall become heaps of ruins, and the mountain of the temple like the bare hills of the forest. (Mic. 3:12)

The Challenge

Though the leaders are harshly judged — “For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required” (Luke 12:48) — the people don’t get off without correction. If we forsake the Lord, we’re responsible for that even if we were “just following” whoever’s in charge.

Hear now what the Lord says: “Arise, plead your case before the mountains, and let the hills hear your voice. hear, O you mountains, the Lord’s complaint, and you strong foundations of the earth; for the Lord has a complaint against His people, and He will contend with Israel. “O My people, what have I done to you? And how have I wearied you? Testify against Me.” (Mic. 6:1-3)

The Lord asks Israel if they have anything to reproach Him with, any reason they can give for forsaking Him. They really can’t accuse Him of anything, but they do reply in verses 6-7.

With what shall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before the High God? Shall I come before Him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? (Mic. 6:6-7)

The fact that they even suggested a human sacrifice shows just how far away the people had strayed from true worship. It’s like the people are saying they’ve given up on following God because it is too hard and He never seems satisfied. God shuts that idea right down.

He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God? (Mic. 6:8)

So the answer to Israel’s questions is, “No, God will not be pleased with thousands of rams or rivers of oil.” He wants you. In some ways, that’s harder than just going through rituals, But its also reassuring. You might feel you don’t have anything to offer God, but you have the one thing He really wants — you.

The Solution

Today, God works on a small-scale to win individual hearts to Him, but the permanent solution to the problem of evil men is still in the future.

Now it shall come to pass in the latter days that the mountain of the Lord’s house shall be established on the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and peoples shall flow to it. Many nations shall come and say, “Come, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; He will teach us His ways, and we shall walk in His paths.”

For out of Zion the law shall go forth, and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem. He shall judge between many peoples, and rebuke strong nations afar off; they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore. (Mic. 4:1-3)

This is still in the future, but the first steps toward God’s kingdom on earth have already been taken. Micah 5:2 prophecies the coming of “One to be Ruler in Israel, Whose goings forth are from of old, from everlasting.” this verse is quoted in Matthew 2:5-6 in reference to the birth of Christ. Because Jesus lived and died as prophesied, ultimate victory is assured.

Therefore I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; when I fall, I will arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against Him, until He pleads my case and executes justice for me. He will bring me forth to the light; I will see His righteousness. (Mic. 7:7-9)

Who is a God like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in mercy. He will again have compassion on us, and will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. (Mic. 7:18-19)

God is where we must look for the solution to sin — both our sins, and those of the people around us. We can’t fight against injustice or immorality on our own, but we can stand firm knowing that the commands of God are true, and that the victory He has promised will come.
Some INFJ Thoughts on ENTPs

6 July, 2015
I suspect that, much like you’re not supposed to have favorite relatives, you’re not supposed to have favorite personality types. One of the core tenets of type-theory is that no type is better than another. And yet … I do have some favorites. ENFJ, ENTJ, INFJ, INTJ, INTP, ISTP, ESTP, ENTP …

Strangely enough, it’s not necessarily related to my interactions with a type in real life. In person, I can find common ground with most personality types depending on the individual person and the circumstances of our meeting. So when I talk about my favorite personality types, it requires an addendum that I am friends with and like people of all types (for example, my best-friend-who’s-not-a-relative doesn’t fit any of the types I listed above).

Still, there’s something about certain personality types that is irresistibly intriguing. I know several ENFJs, and the friendship and genuine communication that can exist between them and INFJs is truly amazing. I love talking with INTPs and INTJs because their minds are so incredibly keen and they challenge me to really think deeply about things. And then there’s the ENTPs ❤

ENTP Type

David Keirsey, and many other type psychologists, describe the ENTP personality type as the “soulmate” for INFJs. Of course, type compatibility in relationships is much more complicated than that, but I can definitely see why. At least, I think I can. I haven’t actually met a self-confirmed ENTP in real life. I know a guy who is either ENTP or ENFP, and knew someone I think was ENTP. Other than that, my interactions with them have all been online. Although, if fictional character’s count, we all know some that are (probably) ENTP:
- Jack Sparrow
- Tony Stark (I wrote a post about him)
- Ray Palmer (we’re watching Arrow, and no one in my family understands why I like him so much)
- Eames from Inception
- Q from Star Trek
(note: there are female ENTPs, just as there are male INFJs. They’re just more rare, and hence harder to find.)

ENTPs are characterized by high energy, “compelling enthusiasm,” independence, their pursuit of possibility, a constant string of projects that command their attention, and being “startlingly clever” (Isabel Myers, Gifts Differing p.106-108). There’s individual variation within all types, and Isabel Myer specifically says that

“Extroverted intuitives are hard to describe because of their infinite variety. Their interest, enthusiasm, and energy pour suddenly into unforeseeable channels like a flash flood, sweeping everything along, overwhelming all obstacles, carving out a path which others will follow long after the force that made it has flowed on into other things ” (Gifts Differing, p.106).

INFJs and ENTPs

Maybe what Myers talks about in the above quote is one reason INFJ’s like ENTPs so much. We have plenty of ideas, but struggle with moving them into the real world. We want to make big contributions, but we have trouble putting ourselves out there. We want to pour ourselves into people, but have limited energy for social interactions. So the idea of partnering with someone who specializes in active idea exploration in a big way is very attractive. Please tell me I’m not the only INFJ who has thought it would be wonderful to be the Pepper Pots to someone’s Tony Stark? (note: I’m not typing Pepper as an INFJ, just using it as an example.)

Looking closer at the two types, we see similarities in their function stacks that also helps explain the compatibility:
- INFJ: Introverted Intuition, Extroverted Feeling, Introverted Thinking, Extroverted Sensing
- ENTP: Extroverted Intuition, Introverted Thinking, Extroverted Feeling, Introverted Sensing
Both types lead with Intuition, but use that function in different ways. Intuition is a perceiving process, which has to do with how we take in and process new information. It’s close enough for the two types to understand each other, but different enough to compliment instead of overlap.

The two middle functions for both types are the same, just in a different order. Thinking and Feeling are both judging processes, which means they affect how we make decisions and what we believe the world “should” look like. INFJs and ENTPs approach this in a way that is easy for the other type to understand, but they are strong in different areas.

Their inferior functions are both sensing, but one is extroverted and one introverted. Our inferior functions typically show up when we’re stressed, so having different inferior functions means that different things stress these two types out. That can be really useful if you want someone who can help you out of stress instead of getting pulled in with you. It’s also important that they’re not exact opposites, since types who use intuition as their inferior function can get stressed-out by dominant intuitives (e.g. an ISFJ who is stressed by change might find it uncomfortable to spend much time with an ENTP).

What about you? anyone else want to confess they have favorite personality types? 🙂

Available in the Amazon Kindle Store

Save
Will You Respond With Mercy? (Lessons from Jonah)

4 July, 2015

It seems fitting to find myself studying Jonah and writing this article in the week following the Supreme Court decision regarding homosexual marriage. It seems like this court decision was the last piece of evidence many Christians required to convince them that we’re no longer living in a Christian nation (if we ever were). I’ve read several good responses (click this link for one of my favorites) that come from a place of love instead of anger, while also pushing for a counter-cultural church that follows God faithfully.

Christians have always lived in a world that has little respect for God’s laws. In some cultures for certain stretches of time, we’ve had part God’s laws reflected in our country’s laws but that is changing rapidly in today’s world. It’s been changing here in the United States for quite some time, and the same was true of the Jews living under Roman law at Jesus’s time.

The men of Nineveh will rise up in the judgment with this generation and condemn it, because they repented at the preaching of Jonah; and indeed a greater than Jonah is here.
Matthew 12:41

Jesus never condoned legalized sin, but He was more concerned with the state of God’s people than the state of the world around them. He didn’t call for mass reforms in Roman society — He called for the people who professed to follow God to turn back to true worship of Him and shine as lights in their very dark world. Jesus used Nineveh and Jonah as an example in His day, and I’ll bet we can learn from it now as well.

Affronts to God

Unlike the other minor prophets, the book of Jonah is written as a story, and it seems like a rather simple tale on the surface. No one reads a children’s version of Zechariah to the kids before tucking them into bed, but I remember having a cute little kids book about Jonah and the whale in our home library.

Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before Me.”
Jonah 1:1-2

“Jonah and the Fish” by Sarah Butler

We all know what happens next. Jonah flees from God’s commission, is stopped by a storm at sea, swallowed by a great fish, and then repents in the fish’s belly. God has the fish vomit him out, repeats His command, and is promptly obeyed.

And Jonah began to enter the city on the first day’s walk. Then he cried out and said, “Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!”
Jonah 3:4

We’re not told exactly what Nineveh’s sin involved, but in studying the language used in the book of Jonah, Matthew Henry concludes in his commentary that, “Their wickedness has come up, that is, it has come to a high degree, to the highest pitch; the measure of it is full to the brim … it is a bold and open affront to God” (Henry’s comments on Jonah 1:1-3).

Sounds similar to today’s world, doesn’t it? And don’t think I’m just talking about this latest court decision. God teaches the only holy expressions of sexuality are celibacy or faithful marriage between a man and woman, and people in the world transgress that command right and left. The world at large also legalizes murder through abortion, encourages divorce for ungodly reasons, is full of anti-Israel sentiments, is led by corrupt leaders, rejects God’s role in creation, and does many other things that God’s word describes as offensive to Him. We can get numb to how much sin there is in our society sometimes, but the hard truth is that the world is in darkness. God called us to shine as lights in a place that’s just going to keep getting darker until Jesus returns.

Repentance and Mercy

Worldwide, we live in a wicked culture–one that we know God will judge for its crimes against Him. But as we learn from the story of Jonah, God is also eager to show mercy.

So the people of Nineveh believed God, proclaimed a fast, and put on sackcloth, from the greatest to the least of them. Then word came to the king of Nineveh; and he arose from his throne and laid aside his robe, covered himself with sackcloth and sat in ashes. And he caused it to be proclaimed and published throughout Nineveh by the decree of the king and his nobles, saying, “Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste anything; do not let them eat, or drink water. But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily to God; yes, let every one turn from his evil way and from the violence that is in his hands. Who can tell if God will turn and relent, and turn away from His fierce anger, so that we may not perish?”
Jonah 3:5-9

The key here is that the people believed God, and repented. It wasn’t just a few people, either. This was the entire society, led by their king. It’s the sort of massive, sincere repentance that we’d love to see in our world today.

Then God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God relented from the disaster that He had said He would bring upon them, and He did not do it.
Jonan 3:10

This is wonderful, incredible mercy. It’s the type of mercy we should all be thankful for, since all of us who are following God today have had this exact same thing happen in our lives. We’ve all sinned (Rom. 3:23), and “the wages of sin is death” (Rom. 6:23). Like the Ninevites, we were under a sentence of death, but God spared us in His mercy by sending His Son.

As we talked about in the post on preparing for baptism, to accept Christ’s sacrifice and walk with God, we have to repent and acknowledge our sin, believe in God, and commit to following Him. The Ninevites here in Jonah had those first two things, and it was enough for God to choose mercy.

What Will You Do?

Jesus’s parables reveal that God and His angles rejoice over repentant sinners (Luke 15:1-10). However, the rest of Jonah’s story doesn’t focus on that joy. It focuses on Jonah’s response to Nineveh’s repentance.

But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he became angry. So he prayed to the Lord, and said, “Ah, Lord, was not this what I said when I was still in my country? Therefore I fled previously to Tarshish; for I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, One who relents from doing harm. Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live!”
Jonah 4:1-3

It’s a bit difficult to imagine a modern parallel, but let’s try. Suppose God calls you to deliver a prophecy of destruction to … let’s say an abortion clinic. You try to get out of it, but finally God convinces you to go and warn them. Message delivered, you stalk across the street to wait for the fire and brimstone. You didn’t want to be here, but at least you’ll have front-row seats when they get what’s coming to them.

Only, it doesn’t happen. Instead, every single person working there repents publicly, starts to fast and pray, and the head of the clinic calls for other doctors to do the same. God shows them mercy because of their response. Do you?

Then the Lord said, “Is it right for you to be angry?” So Jonah went out of the city and sat on the east side of the city. There he made himself a shelter and sat under it in the shade, till he might see what would become of the city.
Jonah 4:4-5

God gives him shade in the form of a vining plant, which made Jonah happy, but then God took it away the next day and Jonah was angry again.

But the Lord said, “You have had pity on the plant for which you have not labored, nor made it grow, which came up in a night and perished in a night. And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their left—and much livestock?”
Jonah 4:10-11

The book ends here, leaving us with the same question God asked Jonah. We must never encourage people to sin or say that it’s okay, but we should also ask ourselves if we’re so rigid in our convictions that we don’t allow for love and mercy? Are we hoping for sinners’ destruction, or praying they will come to repentance?

So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
James 2:12-13

In these times of cultural upheaval, God is looking to see how His people respond. Will we run away from engaging with these issues and say that the sin around us doesn’t matter, as Jonah did at first? Will we be angry and unforgiving, as Jonah was later? Or will we be like God– firm against sin yet hoping for repentance and ever ready to extend mercy?
The INFJ Handbook is here!

29 June, 2015
Two years ago this weekend, I published my first INFJ blog post on this site. It seems fitting, then, that I’m releasing my first e-book this weekend and that it is all about INFJs. Inside, you’ll find:
- Quick introduction to Myers-Briggs type theory
- Thorough description of the INFJ personality type
- Discussions of INFJ strengths and weakness
- Tips for personal growth
- List of things that INFJs want other people to know
- Special section on how other types view INFJs
- True-life stories from five INFJ contributors
click to purchase

A very special thanks to Kerry, Rachel, Johanna, Denise, and Yeni — the INFJs who contributed the stories appearing in this book. You should have already received a free PDF copy of this book at the e-mail address I have on record for you. If not, let me know.

You can purchase this book in the Amazon Kindle store. For this first week only, the book is on-sale for $0.99. It will go back to the regular price of $2.99 next Monday morning.
Avenging and Saving (Lessons from Obadiah)

27 June, 2015

Obadiah is the shortest book in the Old Testament, and so far the most difficult for me to write about. When I started reading through and studying the minor prophets, I figured I should be able to come up with at least one blog post on each, since “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness” (2 Tim. 3:16).

About 300 years ago, Matthew Henry’s verse-by-verse commentary covered Obadiah in humbling detail. Reading it made me marvel at the depth of his appreciation for God’s word (he wouldn’t have any trouble coming up with 3 or 4 posts on Obadiah). Where I saw a prophecy against Edom, he saw (among other things) a record of God’s motivation for vengeance, promises of a bright future for God’s people, and some warnings for us as well.

“Vengeance is Mine”

The “vision of Obadiah” is about what the Lord God has to say “concerning Edom,” and none of it’s good.

Though you ascend as high as the eagle, and though you set your nest among the stars, from there I will bring you down,” says the Lord. (Oba. 1:4)

All their allies will turn against them (verse 7), all their wisdom be destroyed (verse 8), and their warriors slaughtered (verse 9). Why such a strong condemnation from our loving God?

For violence against your brother Jacob, shame shall cover you, and you shall be cut off forever. (Oba. 1:10)

God does not look kindly on those who persecute the people He loves, or on those who betray and do violence against family on an individual or national scale. Matthew Henry has this to say:

that one single crime which is laid to their charge, as filling their measure and bringing this ruin upon them, that for which they here stand indicted, of which they are convicted, and for which they are condemned, is the injury they had done to the people of God …. Note, Injuries to men are affronts to God, the righteous God, that loveth righteousness and hateth wickedness; and, as the Judge of all the earth, he will give redress to those that suffer wrong and take vengeance on those that do wrong. (Matthew Henry, notes on Obadiah 1:10-16)

In Luke 18, Christ gives a parable about how even an unjust judge will seek justice on behalf of persistent petitioners. How much more will the just God “speedily” “avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him” (Luke 18:7-8)? Even with these reassurances, though, it can be hard to wait on God. If someone hurt us, we want to hurt them back (or at least see them get their just desserts), and we wonder why it seems like God is taking so long to fulfill His promises. I’m sure that’s how the Israelites felt when they were attacked by enemies then looted and captured by Edom after thinking they’d escaped (Oba. 1:12-14).

Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. (Rom. 12:19)

When we are struggling to believe that God is there for us, we can look to past examples of God’s deliverance and avenging role for comfort. He does not abandon, and He does not forget.

The righteous God will render both to nations and to particular persons according to their works; and the punishment is often made exactly to answer to the sin, and those that have abused others come to be themselves abused in like manner. The just and jealous God will find out a time and way to avenge the wrongs done to his people on those that have been injurious to them. (Matthew Henry, notes on Obadiah 1:10-16)

Be A Savior

Of course, this has a warning side as well: don’t be the person who God has to seek vengeance against. If we believe God will avenge His people, then we also should believe that there will be consequences if we go around hurting our brethren.

Millstone — not something you’d want hung around your neck. Photo credit:
Frerk Meyer, CC BY-SA

Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. (Matt. 18:6)

This is a serious warning. Yet how many times are children scolded in churches for minor transgressions that really boil down to the fact that they’re not adults? How many new converts are made to feel insignificant, unwelcome and devalued because they don’t already know something about our church? How often do supposedly mature Christians squabble, back-bite and spread division?

For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another! (Gal. 5:14-15)

Matthew Henry follows this principle of “being aware” when discussing the Edomites’ transgressions listed in Obadiah. When reading the things God told the Edomites they “should not” have done, Henry turns it around on us.

Note, In reflecting upon ourselves it is good to compare what we have done with what we should have done, our practice with the rule, that we may discover wherein we have done amiss, have done those things which we ought not to have done. We should not have been where we were at such a time, should not have been in such and such company, should not have said what we said, nor have taken the liberty that we took. Sin thus looked upon, in the glass of the commandment, will appear exceedingly sinful. (Matthew Henry, notes on Obadiah 1:10-16)

We want the whole “vengeance is Mine” thing to work on our behalf, but we dare not forget that it can be directed against us as well. If we love God, we will keep His commandments and need not fear Him, but we must always have a healthy respect for Him and His immutable laws.

For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The Lord will judge His people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. (Heb. 10:30-31)

We don’t often like to think of this side of God, but He can be really scary. Christ is the Lion of the tribe of Judah, not a housecat. That’s Someone you want fighting for you, not against you — and that’s what He wants as well.

Then saviors shall come to Mount Zion to judge the mountains of Esau, and the kingdom shall be the Lord’s. (Oba. 1:21)

The mountain of Zion shall be saved; on it saviours shall come, the preachers of the gospel, who are called saviours, because their business is to save themselves and those that hear them; and in this they are workers together with Christ, but to little purpose if he by his grace did not work together with them. (Matthew Henry, notes on Obadiah 1:17-21)

That’s what we want — to be saved and to have the privilege of serving alongside Christ to save others. Let’s not endanger that by seeking vengeance for ourselves, attacking our brethren, or drifting away from God’s laws. Rather, let’s trust in God and strive to work alongside Jesus to help others.