INFJs — please share your stories

2 June, 2014

Update: The book is finished, and you can download the final version here. Thank you so much for your interest!

I’ve started work on an INFJ e-book, and would like to ask you – my fellow INFJs – to share some of your personal experiences. I don’t want this to just be another description of the INFJ personality type. I want real stories that INFJ readers can relate to, and which will give non-INFJ readers insight into how we think. Specifically, I’m looking for short first-hand accounts of what life is like as an INFJ. You can share anything you like, but here are a few prompts:

How did you first discover your type, and what was your reaction?
In what ways do you feel different from non-INFJs?
What role does intuition play in your life?
How would you describe the way you feel emotions as an INFJ?
Are there any areas of your life or specific situation where you rely on thinking more than feeling?
How does an INFJ’s inferior function (Extroverted Sensing) show up for you when you’re stressed?
What do you wish other people knew about INFJs?

You would be credited by first-name only to protect your privacy, or I can give you a pseudonym if you prefer to remain completely anonymous. Alternately, if you want your full name used or me to direct readers to your blog I could do that as well. Everyone whose stories are used in the book will receive a free copy once it is finished. If you want to contribute, you can post responses as comments here, or get in touch through my contact form.

Comments

29 responses to “INFJs — please share your stories”

infjreflections

2 June, 2014

I would love to do this! Of course, I will need time to put something together, but I would be happy to contribute. I found out about my MBTI type about a month ago and have been hooked ever since. I came across blogs written by INFJs and for the first time ever, I felt like someone understood. If this e-book can help someone else, I would be happy to be part of it.

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1. Marissa
  
  2 June, 2014
  
  Thank you! I’m really looking forward to reading what you put together, and getting to know you better. Thanks for the follow and for stopping by my blog 🙂
  
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  1. infjreflections
    
    2 June, 2014
    
    I sent you an email 🙂 Can’t wait to see how your e-book turns out!
    
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Charity

3 June, 2014

I’ve thought about doing an e-book as well, but if you do it, I won’t have to!

How did I first discover my type and what was my reaction?
I eventually found my real type after being mistyped INTJ/INTP. There are days I still feel uncertain about being an INFJ, but my reaction was largely relief – because it explained my behavior and why I was nothing like most of the other girls. It comforted me to know that there are others who think as I do, who value the same things I believe are important, and who yearn to connect to others on an intense, almost spiritual, level.

In what ways do I feel different from non-INFJs?
I feel like I am always on a quest for greater understanding, where they are content more easily. I am harder on myself than they are on themselves. I carefully plan for the future and like to have things laid out, where they are more focused in the present.

What role does intuition play in my life?
It serves two purposes: the ability to foresee consequences to others’ behaviors (and my own), and the ability to focus on and fully realize a short-term vision. My “foresight” gives me on edge in solving murder mysteries before the sleuth does, in figuring out twist endings in advance, and in seeing plot twists coming. I usually know what will happen as a result of certain behaviors, and can accurately predict outcomes based on this behavior (if this person does this, this will be the inevitable result). I am usually right.

The other has guided me to a passion I can’t avoid, that has become my “life’s vision” (writing); it takes in enormous amounts of information and lets me filter out unnecessary material to get to the essence of whatever I’m working on: finishing a novel, writing an article from an unusual perspective, researching a book. I am very driven and can’t rest until I see something through (afterward, I’m emotionally exhausted and somewhat depressed, since my vision is no longer propelling me forward).

How would I describe the way I feel emotions as an INFJ?
I am frequently frustrated with my own emotions; I am such an analytical person (Ni-Ti working off each other) that I’m never just content to HAVE an emotion; I must understand WHY I am having it, if it is actually legitimate, and if not, how to stop it. I function at a level where my own emotions are represed, since I am taking in so much “external noise” or other people’s emotions. It doesn’t take much to affect me on a deep level, and while I don’t enjoy that in real life, I often seek out entertainment that allows me to connect to a character on an intense emotional plain.

How does Extroverted Sensing show up for me when I’m stressed?
I become obsessive about not losing things; double-checking pockets and purses for movie tickets, keys, and sunglasses. I tend to over-indulge to an excess (buying a lot of new stuff that I don’t need, marathoning a television show for hours on end while laying on the couch, or baking and eating sugary foods)… all of which leads me into an abusive cycle of self-berating and self-hatred for being such a lazy, greedy, glutton!

What do you wish other people knew about INFJs?
How much we starve for intelligent conversation. I yearn for it with all my heart. I don’t want to just talk on a superficial level, I want to intensely converse about new ideas and subtext. I don’t want to just talk about how cool “Loki” is, I want to talk about his motivations and what they say about him. I have spent my entire life looking for other people who want to dig beneath the surface.

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1. Marissa
  
  3 June, 2014
  
  Thank you so much Charity! would you like to be credited just by your first name, or should I direct people to your blog as well?
  
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  1. Charity
    
    4 June, 2014
    
    It never hurts to send more traffic to my blog, so you can do that if you like. 🙂
    
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deveryn

5 June, 2014

You are more than welcome to quote any of my INFJ material. In my blog Deveryn’s Journal I often state how my Ni affects my perception of the world, in my strange INFJ philosophies about death and thoughts and the eternal void and darkness.

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1. Marissa
  
  6 June, 2014
  
  Thank you so much 🙂
  
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uncivilizedallowed

7 June, 2014

I blog on this WordPress and you can take any of my writings from there. If you would rather have me write something else, just let me know. I love being in the elite INFJ group.

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1. Marissa
  
  11 June, 2014
  
  Thank you, and thanks for offering to write something more. I’ll let you know if I have any specific questions 🙂
  
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  1. uncivilizedallowed
    
    14 June, 2014
    
    Can I have your email please? I was wondering about your job situation? Do you have career plans? I sure don’t.
    
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  2. Marissa
    
    15 June, 2014
    
    Sure. It’s mbaker@marissamedia.com
    
    My career plans are kinda in flux. I’m writing articles and webcopy, just opened an Etsy store at thegeekspa.com, and I’m trying to get my fiction published. My goal is to be self-employed and support myself through writing and crafting, but that seems a ways off.
    
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Meredith

7 July, 2014

Is this already out, or can I still email you? 🙂

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1. Marissa
  
  8 July, 2014
  
  It’s not out yet, so please do email 🙂 I have most of the first draft written, but I was thinking I needed a few more stories from other INFJs. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
  
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Debbie

15 July, 2014

Wow, this is very interesting. I took the test and came out an ENFJ, but when I read the descriptions, it just didn’t fit as well, for I’ve always known I was an introvert, but on the scoring my E and I came out really close and J was really high. I’ve only known about this for a little over a year and don’t understand it well, but find it fascinating. I really do think I’m an INFJ. It all seems to fit better, especially when you mention about a young INFJ wanting to please parents and teachers. I noticed when I get under a lot of stress; I tend to fall back on rules, routines, rhythms or habits in life to get through and I actually narrow my focus to the details in front of me to block out the noise of people clamoring for my attention. I often carry the weight of the world and the weight of everyone’s feelings in my mind and often in my heart. I remember longing for someone to talk on deeper levels and to take the time to understand me, but usually I’m the sympathetic listener that people pour their problems into, I process it all quickly come up with an intuitive answer respond from that with some wise counsel, or just a sincere hug, or something, then I will often spend hours going over why I thought what, I thought, did I do the right thing, did I say the right thing. I must back up my feelings and intuition with sound reasoning and I must analyze everything, and I love making connections in everything with people, with words, with thoughts, with ideas, with myself, with God. I also have a strong desire to express myself, my feelings, and my deep inner world of thoughts. I love to write, to journal, to paint, to draw, to sing, to write poems, to watch everything from sunsets to minute details, to read books especially those that give me a lot to think about. I will read a book many times just to delve into it’s subtle depths and intricacies. The song, “Let it Go!” in Frozen struck a cord in me, because on the outside I’m very conservative and fit with the expectations of others not wanting to hurt anyone and not wanting to draw attention to myself, but on the inside there is so much that wants expressing that sometimes I need to remind myself to “Let it Go!” Let go of the weight of the world, the weight of all that caring, the weight of all those expectations, and actually enjoy the moment, enjoy expressing myself and my inner world of beautiful thoughts and visions and crystal ice castles. I’m such an odd mix of wanting everything neat and orderly to wanting to let go and just go wild for a moment an do something truly amazing, artistic, and beautiful.

I look forward to reading your book to see if I really am an INFJ as I think I must be. Though I do love teaching too, and can see why I might be ENFJ, though I’m really not an extrovert as far as I can tell.

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1. Marissa
  
  16 July, 2014
  
  My brother is an ENFJ, but he also tests almost exactly in the middle between E and I. The ENFJ description fits him better, though. Perhaps something similar is going on with how you’re testing — you could be scoring almost in the middle for E and I but lean toward the INFJ description. ENFJs and INFJs both use Introverted Intuition (Ni) and Extroverted Feeling (Fe), but rely on each to a different extent. Sometimes it’s hard for tests to type introverts because our primary function is less visible than our extroverted secondary function (I wrote a little about that in this post: https://marissabaker.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/so-thats-what-all-those-letters-mean-an-introduction-to-the-mbti/ )
  
  The way you’re describing yourself does sound very much like an INFJ. On the other hand, you could simply be a shy ENFJ or an extrovert who can enjoy solitude. Using my brother as an example again, he needs quite a bit of down-time for an extrovert, but I suspect that’s partly because he’s an HSP (if you’re not familiar with that term yet, here’s an excellent article on the Highly Sensitive Person: http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Press-Room/Psychology_Today_A_Guide_to_the_Highly_Sensitive_Person.htm )
  
  I’ll keep everyone updated on when the e-book is being released, and hope you find it helpful. I’m glad you stopped by my blog 🙂
  
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  1. Debbie
    
    16 July, 2014
    
    Thank you for your input. I actually read both articles and found them helpful. You are right about the HSP. That article fit me perfectly. I have always been a highly sensitive person who cries very easily, feels everything, empathizes with others. I also get migraine headaches and have had periods of my life with nightmares. I always wondered what it was about me that made me sensitive to everything and so intense. Recently I’ve been going to a functional systems doctor in Livonia at a place called Integrative Wellness Center. They do a lot of testing and look at how all your bodies systems work together. It’s very comprehensive and they do lot with getting your digestive tract working well, looking at food sensitivities, and the methylation cycle. Through diet changes like eliminating the foods I’m sensitive too, like gluten and dairy (the two biggies) and adding foods high in tyrosine and tryptophanes (precursors) for dopamine and serotonin production and increasing vitamin D and methalated B12 and other things that help give your body what it really needs, I’ve actually experienced some healing in this area. The headache pain has decreased to a level that often doesn’t require pain killers at all. I don’t cry as easily; I sleep better though I still only get about 6 hours of sleep. I have more energy. I decided to go to the Wellness Center because I was getting depressed and gaining weight and sleeping after every meal.
    
    If your brother is HSP and if it is getting him down, he might want to look into diet changes, since we are more sensitive period, it stands to reason that we are more likely to be gluten and dairy sensitive than other people. Our whole family tested sensitive to gluten and dairy and some others (which varied). My son, who is an ENFJ, and also most likely HSP (he suffers from migraines, allergies, and cries easily, sleep talks, too) improved tremendously by just cutting gluten and dairy and a few other food sensitivities. It is nice not to have to experience all life in High Definition all the time. We are both calmer inside and out.
    
    I also wondered if one of the reasons INFJ are rare are because they often get missed tagged.
    Do you think that is possible?
    Thanks for your input!
    Have a great day!
    Debbie
    
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    1. Marissa
      
      16 July, 2014
      
      Mis-typing could be one of the reasons INFJs are so rare — we can be chameleon-like at times and take on characteristics of the personality types of people we most want to impress/get along with. Still, intuitive types as a whole are rare (I think about 20% of the population according to David Keirsey), so it would make sense that INFJs are rarer than most sensing types even if they aren’t quite as rare as we all think.
      
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Rachel Hope Turany Mendell

22 December, 2014

If possible I would like to put this request out to others of my species. Yes? — thedomesticwarhorse@yahoo.com – Totally cool Project!!

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1. Marissa
  
  22 December, 2014
  
  Yes! go ahead and share it. If people still want to contribute, I’ll stay open to new stories for a while longer. I’d rather release the e-book a little later then I’d been planing than turn down people who want to contribute 🙂
  
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Daniyal

1 April, 2015

I just came across this post today and feverently wished to have come across this sooner, I sincerely hope that you’re not done gathering all the of contributions other INFJ’s must be sending you by now. Would you perhaps have space for another? I’ve been estatic about this ever since I took the test last October!

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1. Marissa
  
  3 April, 2015
  
  I am in the very final editing stages. That said, if you want to send something within the next week or two I will read over it and see if I can work parts of your story into the book. You can write whatever you like, but there are a few sections where I don’t have as many personal stories yet. If you want to touch on a few of these topics, I’d be more likely to use it in my e-book:
  -Using our “Introverted Thinking” function
  -Returning to “normal” after a stressful situation
  -Why you think knowing your Myers-Briggs type matters
  -INFJs weaknesses and personal growth
  -How you think other people see INFJs
  
  Thanks for commenting and asking if you can contribute. It’s wonderful to see how many people are excited about this project 🙂
  
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Yeni Y.S

20 April, 2015

hello ms.Marisa 🙂
are this project still open ?
can i still participate in this project that you created?
I hope that i could be quickly found this information, I think this project is wonderful and i definitely would love to share my experience.

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1. Marissa
  
  20 April, 2015
  
  I am in the very final editing stages, but if you want to send something within the next week or two I will see if I can work parts of your story into the book.
  Like I told the last commenter, you can write about whatever you like. There are a few sections where I don’t have as many stories yet, so if you want to touch on a few of these topics, I’d be more likely to use it in my e-book:
  -Using our “Introverted Thinking” function
  -Returning to “normal” after a stressful situation
  -Why you think knowing your Myers-Briggs type matters
  -INFJs weaknesses and personal growth
  -How you think other people see INFJs
  
  Thanks so much for commenting 🙂 It’s wonderful to see how many people are excited about this project
  
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Yeni Y.S

20 April, 2015

I know it’s kind of selfish to just post it here, even though i know this project was about to finished or already finished, But at least i hope it will help the others that want to know better about INFJs ( though it’s not really will help) and i truly sorry if there was so many mistakes in my writing (English is not my primary language >///<).

PART 1

-). How did you first discover your type, and what was your reaction?
I discovered it when i'm in second year of senior high school. it was when i'm searching for nothing because i fell kind of empty, bored and well maybe out of place too, then accidently found out about MBTI test. At first i feel nothing special when i found out about that. my reaction was "yeah it soooo me and i think this test is pretty good", then i searching about more information about it. From there i found out INFJ was a part of my self and i can denied it that why i'm so different from the other and now INFJ have been already become my lively sources of my life.

-). In what ways do you feel different from non-INFJs?
From the way i talk with the other, point of view, and sense of the situation. "sometimes i wonder why you don't see this way, this way, or that way; why just look in the one way. If just you can see it, i think you will view it from another angle and you can found many interesting thing (well it's not all good thing and sometimes it can made you feel uneasy). it's not all about good or bad, but you can taking some other way to make it you see it better".

-). What role does intuition play in your life?
i don't know for sure but i think it was something that provide me some new sight to grasp the reality. I try to menage it for not hurt the others and made my self better.

-). How would you describe the way you feel emotions as an INFJ?
I'm sorry i don't too understand this question so i will answer it with all i can.
*I don't know, the emotions just came and go it self. sometimes i feel happy, sad, stressed, childish by my self; even i'm my self don't know how its comes to me. But maybe the emotion its self proceed unconsciously in my thought so sometimes my mood will swag irregularly.

-). Are there any areas of your life or specific situation where you rely on thinking more than feeling?
No for the most of times. i don't know if it count as thinking but there was a times when i was about to choose university for my self and i choose a univ that is the one of known for the excellent rate for the major i took in my country even without any acquaintance / friends / people from around my place. (all of my friends go to the same univ or work, at least the have someone they know in the place they going). I just think "you can do it, don't worry, you will make it through if you will to do so and just do best." (now i in term 2 for psychology major).
i'm sure it's hard to catch what i mean, it's like i abandoned my own feelings for not having someone i know in the new place and try to get the best i could have.
"you choose path of you life not because the others want you to do so but because you are willing to do something can made you feel lively".

-) How does an INFJ’s inferior function (Extroverted Sensing) show up for you when you’re stressed?
I think we tends to go for mental shortcuts for what we see or hear without processing it clearly and deeply. Sometimes it can goes for something good but bad also depending on the context it's big or small (smaller thing was better).

-). What do you wish other people knew about INFJs?
I hope they will understand a bit about INFJ's extreme changing mood & their own world and see them as something that like "INFJs care about you, we are not trying to eat you or manipulate you, we are just trying to do the best to make a better place in world, where people can live for themselves, others and have less regrets in their own life; even though our way to show it or make it through some kind of odds, extremes, and complicate .

PART 2

-). Using our “Introverted Thinking” function
we can thinks out more point of view for something and we can analyzed the situation or problem we faced that usually we miss if we our IN (Introvert iNtuition) so dominated then try to figure out what the best way to go through for all things.

-). Returning to “normal” after a stressful situation
I think i usually using a defense mechanism where i tell my self " it's ok, everyone sometimes tends to did something wrong, so i unconsciously repress it to my unconscious area; & i just trying to make a new commitment to my self that i mustn't do that & try to figure and avoid what made me to got into the stressful situation. Then for get rid of my stress i just listen to any music i had, sitting / lying in the bad with my though go around everywhere / blank , and for more serious stresses i would read all of my personality report or anything related to INFJs (you should give it i try, you feel more relax) or i would cried (of course when there are no people around me, but i ever to cried in the middle of my final test or in the middle of class *of course without no one notice*, because my friends in my class got into a big fight for more than a weak and they broke into 3 groups (1 group is neutral where i stand at).

-). Why you think knowing your Myers-Briggs type matters
it think it's because the feelings of an uneasy or worrying about something so much ?o?

-). INFJs weaknesses and personal growth
INFJs weakness : have no sense of direction, often so clumsy, worst at expressing their emotions, to afraid to hurt someone, stubborn, have to high / low goal.
Personal growth :

-). How you think other people see INFJs
INFJs have their own world; their own way of thinking; weird; have a strong will if it about something INFJs care; well mannered; calm; warm; stubborn; parents-figured; the first impression INFJs show was really introvert, rigid, scholar-typed, aren't someone that can be close with and boring.

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1. Marissa
  
  20 April, 2015
  
  Thank you so much for sharing this! I will include some of your comments in my e-book as I finish editing 🙂
  
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  1. Yeni Y.S
    
    21 April, 2015
    
    Thank you so much to listen to my experience, I am glad it could help you and I also can not wait to see the amazing final results from this project 🙂
    
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Renette Anim

6 May, 2015

i wish i had seen this earlier. i have to study for an exam but i just can’t stop reading your blog. i am a proud INFJ and i am glad that there are otherrs like me. i hope you decide to do another collection of stories from INFJs soon ass possible, so that i can submit my story. All the best.

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1. Marissa
  
  8 May, 2015
  
  Thanks for your interest. I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog 🙂 I do have a few ideas for follow-up projects, and I’ll keep everyone updated.
  
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