Think INFJs are hard to figure out? Have you found yourself puzzled by an INFJ’s contradictory words and behavior? Well there’s no need to worry any more. I’ve got your quick, easy, and not-at-all-confusing guide to finding out if an INFJ agrees with you. No more will those mysterious unicorns of the personality type world confuse you in conversation. No longer will their confrontation-avoidance leave you wondering whether an INFJ actually agrees with what you’re saying or is simply making you think they do so you won’t get upset with them.
Head Nodding
Nodding mostly means we’re listening to you, so this could really go either way. Cross-check with other signs.
Eye Contact
Making eye contact typically means the INFJ agrees with you. Not making eye contact could mean one of three things: they disagree with you, they don’t care, or they agree with you but don’t want to admit it.
Non-Committal Sounds
An INFJ who’s making sounds like “um-hum” while glancing away looking for an escape doesn’t agree with you. But if they’re making the same sound with eye-contact while leaning toward you and smiling, then you’re good. Probably.
Verbal Agreement
INFJs don’t usually lie to people. They might let you believe something that’s not quite true, but most of us won’t give you an enthusiastic, “Oh, yes” unless we really do agree with you. However, if pressured to agree with something we don’t want to say “yes” to but won’t openly disagree with, we might say something vague or push off a requested commitment to an unspecified future date.
Body Language
Open body language and leaning toward you means we’re really listening to you. We probably agree with you too, or at the very least understand and sympathize with where you’re coming from. Closed off body language, such as pulling away from you and making ourselves smaller, either means we’re agreeing reluctantly or that we’re scared to disagree with you. Neither’s good.
Ask Us
To check if we actually agree, ask us. An INFJ who agrees with you will be able to explain why in specific terms. A vague INFJ either doesn’t really agree with you or they haven’t thought about it enough to give you a specific answer. It may take a few weeks for you (or them) to figure out which.
Watch Us
An INFJ may show signs of agreeing with you when they really only mean they accept that you have a certain opinion on something. For example, an INFJ child who nods when their parents explain a rule and then still does their own thing (i.e. they accept that’s what the parent believes but still act by their own convictions). Eventually if you’re around an INFJ enough you’ll get a pretty good idea of what they actually do and don’t agree with from how they act.
So there you have it. Everything you needed to know to figure out (or get even more confused about) whether or not an INFJ agrees with you. Good luck!
If you’d like to know more about the INFJ personality type, check out my book The INFJ Handbook. I just updated it with a ton of new information and resources. You can purchase it in ebook or paperback by clicking this link.
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Cool post Marissa…. hey I’ve been wondering if you have any thoughts on the infjs writing process. Anything about our intuition, that factors into it? I would be interested to see if you have any insights into the infjs unique writing abilities. 🤔☺️Thanks
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Thanks for your comment Sarah! That’s an interesting question. I’m assuming you’re a writer, too? What do you write?
I know intuition plays a huge role for me at least. I’m sure that’s what helps INFJs come up with so many unique ideas (though it’s probably also why it’s so hard to just sit down and finish a writing project!). And like with so many things, for my writings I find that I’ll often spend hours/days/weeks mulling over something off-and-on before I actually sit down and write (I think that’s my intuition working as a pattern-building process that’s constantly running in the background).
One of an INFJ writer’s strengths, I think, is that we have that intuition to help us see different perspectives on an issue, then we can filter it through our extroverted feeling to present our ideas to the world in a way that other people find engaging. And I suppose that’s equally true for INFJs writing non-fiction and fiction.
Also, I wrote a post about INFJ writers about three years ago that you might find interesting: https://marissabaker.wordpress.com/2014/12/01/the-infj-writer/
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Pretty accurate, I have to say. On eye contact, though… I won’t make eye contact when I’m processing information or praying to react in a godly fashion. So, yay, more confusion.
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Yes! I am a writer in the sense that I have just written my whole life for writings sake. Everything from journals to poetry and short stories. Recently I have gone back to college, and my English teacher is like why don’t you major in English!? Lol I’m writing a lot of essays right now 😉 and this is what kind of made me really think about it, for the first time,As an infj. Thanks for your response and the link! Appreciate it. 😊
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