Low Self-Esteem vs. Esteeming Self Less

23 August, 201422 August, 2014Marissa

One of the foundational things we have to recognize when coming to Christ is that we’re not worthy. The Bible makes it clear that the human “heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked” (Jer. 17:9). We can’t earn salvation, and we have not done anything to deserve God’s love. This should fill us with humility as we enter a relationship with God, knowing He loves us even through we are nothing without Him.

But I know far too many people who get stuck on the “I am undeserving” part of this truth. Instead of finding our identity in Jesus Christ and defining ourselves by our relationship with Him (“I’m a Christian”), we can be tempted to find our identity in the fact that we don’t deserve His forgiveness and love (“I’m worthless”). Maybe you’ve been told your whole life that “you’re not good enough,” and you’ve carried that into your relationship with God. Maybe you’re a perfectionist who’s stopped using your attention to detail to get things done right and started letting it rule your life so you feel useless unless you’re constantly giving 110%. Or maybe your self-lies are more like mine — that I’m not brave, strong, or clever enough to be of use to God.

Is this what God wants when He asks for humility? Do His instructions to think less of ourselves than of others mean He wants us to have low self-esteem? What does the Bible say about our value?

Marvelous Love

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom. 5:8)

Even when we were sinners — working at cross-purposes to God — He loved us enough to die for us. God is love, and there is no greater example of this than the sacrifice of Jesus Christ to transform broken people who had done nothing to deserve His attention into something special.

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. (John 15:13-15)

Look how Jesus describes His followers, as friends so valued He was willing to die for and share His thoughts with them. And those who follow Christ are not only His friends, but His family as well, and “He is not ashamed to call them brethren” (Heb. 2:11). Think of that. The One who knows you best — all your sins, weakness, foibles, and most secret thoughts — is not ashamed to say you are His family.

But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. … For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior … since you were precious in My sight, you have been honored, and I have loved you; therefore I will give men for you, and people for your life. (Is. 43:1, 3, 4)

These early verses of Isaiah 43 are some of my favorite scriptures. I read them when I’m feeling lonely or doubtful of my worth in God’s eyes. Isn’t it a lovely reassurance of how highly God values His people? When God looks at you, He doesn’t think, “that person is worthless,” He thinks, “that person belongs to Me, and I love them.”

What We Are

So far, we’ve seen God call us precious, beloved, family, and friends. When we look a bit deeper into how He interacts with the church for today, we see even more evidence of how highly He values us.

Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are. (1 Cor. 3:16-17)

God must value us highly to call us “holy,” dwell inside us, and to destroy those who “defile” us. This part of the verse can be read as a warning to individual parts of the temple that we not become corrupt, and also as a warning to those who would set out to “subvert or corrupt” us as God’s temple. In that sense, it’s similar to God’s Isaiah 43 promise to protect and defend us. God is saying, “They are mine. I prize them highly, and I will fight for them.”

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. (1 Cor. 6:19-20)

Jesus Christ thought we were worth paying the price of His life to redeem. In the words of Matthew Henry, “A spouse so dearly bought and paid for could not but be dearly loved. Such a price being given for her, a high value must needs be put upon her accordingly” (commentary on Song 4:8-14). Jesus did not redeem us so we could be worthless, weak, uninteresting, or whatever it is we call ourselves. He redeemed us to adopt as His siblings (Rom. 8:15-17), marry as His bride (2 Cor. 11:2), and give us a share in His glory (John 17:22; 1 John 3:2).

A Proper Attitude

So, what attitude are we supposed to have about ourselves? One thing we absolutely cannot do is allow the knowledge of how much God loves us lead to an idea that we’re something amazing in and of ourselves. God hates pride, arrogance, and vanity. When He says He values us highly, that’s not the reaction He’s looking for in return. Rather, the Lord requires us “to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God” (Mic. 6:8)

But we can’t go to the opposite extreme either. If we tell ourselves we have no value, there’s a danger of becoming paralyzed by fear of doing something wrong and attracting attention to our own worthlessness. But that kind of fear has no place in a person where God’s love dwells (1 John 4:18).

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus (Phil. 2:3-5)

This is the key — having the mind of Christ. His was the most valuable human life ever, and yet He chose to use His greatness to serve others, first by giving up the glory He had before the world existed, then in how He lived His life, then by dying for us, and now by living as our High Priest and the Head over all things to the church. His every act on this earth was one of love and service and esteeming the needs of others as more important than His own. That’s the example we should be following.

When we find our identity in Christ and believe we are precious in God’s sight, we can be bold, courageous, and strong in Him (Heb. 4:16; John 16:33; Eph. 6:10). We are also humble, knowing the things that make us valuable come from our relationship with God and not from ourselves. And we esteem our brethren higher than ourselves, because they are also temples of God and we are called to serve and love them as Christ serves and loves us.

Time and Foreknowledge (Free Will, Part 2)

16 August, 201416 August, 2014Marissa

Last week, I started writing about a question one of my friends asked regarding my views on free will. That post was part 1 and it has lots of background info for this post, so if you haven’t read it yet you can check it out here. Another aspect of the question he asked, which I didn’t have time to get to last week, was “Do you believe God is omniscient, or do you believe there are limits to His knowledge of the future, etc.”

Omniscience basically means “all knowing,” and I suppose given these two options I’m going to have to go with saying that I believe there are some limits to God’s knowledge of the future. That’s the short answer 🙂 Here’s the long one …

God Knowing Us

Prophecy teaches us that God has knowledge of future events — fulfilled prophecy gives us proof that He was correct in the past and we have faith that He will also be correct about the future. God has a plan for where the world is heading, and He certainly has the power to get it there. This is the kind of thing we talked about last week when looking at the examples of Jonah and Abraham.

Continuing with these two examples, I’ve said I believe that Jonah, Abraham, and Sarah had free will in how they responded to God’s work in their lives. But the fact that God didn’t make the decisions for them doesn’t prove that He didn’t know how they would respond.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. (Ps. 139:1-3)

Many verses speak of God knowing our hearts, but these are mostly present-tense, as far as I can tell. From perfect knowledge of what we are now, I suppose God has a pretty good idea of what we will be and how we will act in the future. I think we still have the potential to surprise Him, through.

I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings. (Jer. 17:10)

If God did know exactly how we were going to live our lives, however, why does He need to search our hearts to determine how to reward us? Probably the best example of this is Abraham’s test. God commanded him to sacrifice his only son, and Abraham was prepared to do so right up to the moment God stopped him. Up until Abraham was at the point where he was about to kill Isaac, it seems that God didn’t know how far Abraham would go to obey Him.

And He said, “Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.” (Gen. 22:12)

God’s Foreknowledge

Some people use Psalm 139:16 to say God knows the day we will die and has all our days mapped out. The King James Version doesn’t give that sense at all, but other translations could. Here’s a few:

Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. (KJV)

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. (NKJV)

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (NIV)

I really have doubts about this interpretation, though. Going back to the story of Nineveh, God told those people through Jonah that He would destroy their city in 40 days. We know “it is impossible for God to lie” (Heb. 6:18), so I can’t believe He told them this if he already knew He would delay Nineveh’s punishment (Jon. 3:1-10).

A similar case occurs in 2 Kings 20. King Hezekiah falls ill, and the Lord sends Isaiah the prophet to tell him, “Set your house in order, for you shall die, and not live” (2 Kings 20:1). Hezekiah prayed to the Lord …

And it happened, before Isaiah had gone out into the middle court, that the word of the Lord came to him, saying, “Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, ‘Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the Lord. And I will add to your days fifteen years. I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria; and I will defend this city for My own sake, and for the sake of My servant David.”’” (2 Kings 20:4-6)

Again, why would God tell Hezekiah that he was going to die if He already knew that He would give Hezekiah 15 years? This story is one of the reasons we have hope when we pray — because we know God hears us and can intervene to answer our prayers. If everything was predestined, what would be the point of praying? For that matter, what would be the point of obeying the commandments or being loving and faithful? As a commenter on last week’s post pointed out, “If there were no free will, then whether we believe in God & Jesus, and whether we love them or not, would be determined by God, not us. And if that were the case, then it would not be true faith and it would not be true love. For faith and love to be real, there must be a choice.”

Some Ideas About Time

From what I read in the Bible, along with a dab of theoretical physics and a heavy dollop of sci-fi, here’s my pet theory: assuming time and space are connected, then “a God who is not limited by space is not limited by time” (I got that from an old Moody science tape). I hypothesize that God can step outside of time in a way and see how the potential outcomes are changing. He can look at the whole breadth of human history, read every nuance of the present, and predict and direct the course of events. He has a definitive end goal in mind, and He can directly intervene to accomplish that goal, but I think our specific futures are in a state of flux, changing as we make decisions.

I’m perfectly willing to admit there are flaws and gaps in my theory, and it might even be totally worthless, but it is what makes sense to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts/ideas/theories if you’d like to share them. 🙂 I really don’t think we can fully understand how God relates to time and the future right now — we can just see glimpses and try to make sense of the clues we are given.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. (Is. 55:8-9)

In keeping with the fact that God’s thoughts are very different and much higher than ours, He has a unique view of time as well.

But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. (2 Pet. 3:8)

For a thousand years in Your sight are like yesterday when it is past, and like a watch in the night. (Ps. 90:4)

This is very confusing for us, trapped in a single moment of linear time. We have imperfect recall of our own past, second-hand knowledge of history and other people’s lives, limited understanding of the present, and dim ideas about the future. Compared to us, God is indeed omniscient, even if there are what we think of as “limits” to His foreknowledge.

The Potter’s Hands (Free Will, Part 1)

9 August, 20148 August, 2014Marissa

A few weeks ago, a friend asked for my thoughts on “free will.” He’d written a blog post about the subject, and someone contacted him to say they didn’t believe in free will. The ongoing discussion has prompted a fascinating Bible study for me, and I think I’ll have to make this a two-part post to fit everything in.

The idea of predestination has a long history in Christianity. My understanding is it basically says God has foreknowledge of all things that will happen and predetermines who will receive salvation and who will not. The idea that God is all knowing would imply He knows things like how and when we will die and whether or not we’ll be in His family. And if He already knows the course of our lives, doesn’t that mean we don’t have free will?

Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor? What if God, wanting to show His wrath and to make His power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, and that He might make known the riches of His glory on the vessels of mercy, which He had prepared beforehand for glory (Rom. 9:21-23)

At first, this scripture does seem to indicate that God determines our fates and we do not have free will because He shapes our lives. However, when we start looking at examples of how God deals with people, I think we see more evidence for free will than against it. While God does directly intervene to shape the course of some individual’s lives, we also have choices.

Dealing With Jonah

Let’s take the case of Jonah. If it looks like anyone in the Bible didn’t have freedom to choose his own path, it’s Jonah. He was told, “go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before Me” (Jon. 1:2). He decided that wasn’t a good idea, and we all know how God used a storm and a big fish to override Jonah’s decision and get him back on track.

So Jonah arose and went to Nineveh, according to the word of the Lord. Now Nineveh was an exceedingly great city, a three-day journey in extent. And Jonah began to enter the city on the first day’s walk. Then he cried out and said, “Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!” (Jon. 3:3-4)

The people of Nineveh responded with repentance, and “God relented from the disaster that He had said He would bring upon them, and He did not do it”( Jon. 3:10) The prophecy of Nineveh’s destruction still happened, but God changed the time-table to spare all these people who chose to repent (my study Bible says the destruction happened 100 years later). The Ninevites had free will.

And really, so did Jonah. God was determined to use him for the purpose of contacting Nineveh, but that didn’t stop Jonah from choosing to try running away and then choosing a bad attitude about God’s mercy toward Nineveh (Jon. 4:1-11). Though God directly molded Jonah’s life, Jonah still chose how he would respond to God’s work.

Abraham’s Children

The life of Abraham is another example. In Genesis 15, the Lord promised Abraham a son and made a covenant with him. Then, after living in Canan for 10 years and having no children, Abram and Sari took matters into their own hands and conspired to create a son using Sari’s Egyptian servant, Hagar (Gen 16:3, 15). But this was not how God planned to give Abraham a son.

And Abraham said to God, “Oh, that Ishmael might live before You!” Then God said: “No, Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac; I will establish My covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, and with his descendants after him. And as for Ishmael, I have heard you. Behold, I have blessed him, and will make him fruitful, and will multiply him exceedingly. He shall beget twelve princes, and I will make him a great nation. But My covenant I will establish with Isaac, whom Sarah shall bear to you at this set time next year.” (Gen. 17:18-21)

Though Abraham and Sarah did not act in the way God had intended, He worked with His peoples’ choice. God’s plan moved forward as He willed, but with the addition of Ishmael and all the consequences of his birth.

Ananias and Sapphira

A New Testament example of free will can be seen in Ananias and Sapphira. God does not tempt anyone with evil and does nothing for our harm (James 1:13), so I don’t think we can say that He set them up to fail or that they had no choice but to sin. This is born out by the wording in Acts when Peter confronts each of them about keeping back part of the price of the land they sold as a donation to the church.

But Peter said, “Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and keep back part of the price of the land for yourself? While it remained, was it not your own? And after it was sold, was it not in your own control? Why have you conceived this thing in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God.” (Acts 5:3-4)

Though Satan is identified as putting the evil idea in his head, the blame for choosing to do wrong is laid squarely on Ananias (and later on Sapphira as well in Acts 5:8-9). Both these individuals had the power to chose what they did with their possessions, and they chose wrong.

Authority to Plan

I think the point of Romans 9:21-23 is not that we have no choice, but rather that God has the authority to make decisions regarding how He deals with individuals and shapes future events. If we back-up and look at the verses leading to this point in Romans, Paul is talking about Israel. He covers the issue of Abraham’s children (Rom. 9:6-9), and then moves on to Isaac’s sons.

And not only this, but when Rebecca also had conceived by one man, even by our father Isaac (for the children not yet being born, nor having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works but of Him who calls), it was said to her, “The older shall serve the younger.” As it is written, “Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated.” (Rom. 9:10-13)

This is not telling us that Esau had no choice when he sold his birthright (Gen. 25:29-34), or that Jacob had no choice but to steal Esau’s blessing (Gen. 27:1-40). Nor does it mean Isaac and Rebekah were fated to pick favorites and set up a rivalry between their sons. It means God has a plan and He was going to carry it out using or (in spite of) the good and bad choices His people made.

What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? Certainly not! For He says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.” So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy. For the Scripture says to the Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I may show My power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth.” Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens. (Rom. 9:14-18)

God chooses who to work with and who not to. I suppose you could say there are elements to predestination in this, since God pre-determines which people He will call in this life, which will be nudged toward completing His will, and which will be left to “time and chance” and their own devices.

You will say to me then, “Why does He still find fault? For who has resisted His will?” But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, “Why have you made me like this?” Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor? (Rom 9:19-21).

In my mind, this is actually one of the stronger arguments in favor of free will. We have free will, and God has free will. He get’s to choose how He interacts with His creation, and to a certain extent we get to choose how we interact with God. Even being chosen by God doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll end up in His family — Hebrews 6:4-6 tells us it is possible to “fall away” and reject God’s calling. And if someone is not being called by God right now, that doesn’t mean He is ignoring the choices they make. It’s possible to get His attention (Matt. 15:21-28) and to call upon His name (Rom. 10:13).

Any thoughts or comments? Notice something I missed? Have a scripture to add? One closely related topic that might come to mind is God’s omniscience and the extent of His foreknowledge. That’s what I’m focusing on next week. The Potter's Hands (Free Will, Part 1) | marissabaker.wordpress.com

Glory Shared With Us

2 August, 20141 August, 2014Marissa

One of the oft-repeated words in Christ’s prayer recorded in John 17 is “glorify” or “glory.” The very first words He says are, “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son also may glorify You” (John 17:1). A few verses later, He adds,

I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You have given Me to do. And now, O Father, glorify Me together with Yourself, with the glory which I had with You before the world was. (John 17:4-5)

The subject of glorification starts becoming more personal to us a bit later, when Jesus says of His people, “I am glorified in them” (John 17:10). If having Christ glorified in you sounds spectacular, just wait until we read verse 22:

And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one (John 17:22)

At this point, we’re starting to see something incredible, something glorious, is being discussed here in John 17. We see Jesus and the Father glorifying each other, and Jesus sharing His glory with us. That last part is the one which most intrigues me. What does it mean?

δόξα

The word used for “glorify” is doxazo (G1392), which is derived from the word translated “glory.” That word is doxa (G1391). Zodhiates says it “can mean appearance, reputation, glory. It basically refers to the recognition belonging to a person, honor, renown.” It can also denote the “appearance, form, aspect” of someone, as in “God’s image and character. … It comprises all that God will appear to be in His final revelation to us.”

As Zodhates shifts his discussion to a Christian’s future glory, he says that doxa does not refer only to an outwardly glorious appearance, but to a glory within that makes the outside splendid. Doxa‘s derivative, doxazo, means “to glorify, recognize, honor, praise.” Most of Zodniates’ definition for this word in my study Bible is devoted to it’s use in John’s writings.

In the writings of John, the doxa of God is the revelation and manifestation of all that He has and is. It is His revelation in which He manifests all the goodness that He is (John 12:28). Since Christ made this manifest, He is said to glorify the Father (John 17:1, 4); or the Father is glorified in Him (John 13:31; 14:13). When Christ is said to be glorified, it means simply that His innate glory is brought to light, made manifest (John 7:39; 11:4; 12:16, 23; 13:31; 17:1, 5).

This definition explains several verses we quoted in John 17. Jesus glorified His Father by teaching people about the Father’s glory and revealing His character. God the Father glorified His Son by exalting Him and making His glory manifest in roles like High Priest, Good Shepherd, and Head of All Things to the Church. Their mutual glorification is about revealing Who and what They are to people.

Glory and God’s People

John 17:10, where Christ says, “all Mine are Yours, and Yours are Mine, and I am glorified in them,” shows we are to play a role in manifesting Christ’s glory to the world. If Jesus is being glorified in us, then our lives will be testaments to the honor and praise that belong to Him.

And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. (Col. 3:17)

We talked about this idea two weeks ago, in the context of “whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Cor. 10:31). Our inside character, which comes out in our words and actions, should be proclaiming God’s glory, and attracting honor to Him.

The most intriguing verse, however, (to me at least) is when Christ says He’s given us His glory in verse 22. Let’s read some of the verses leading up to that.

I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. (John 17:20-21)

Jesus makes it clear that He’s talking about future believers — including us — as well as His disciples then. He emphasizes unity among the believers, and between us and God.

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Eph. 4:1-3)

Paul connects unity with walking in way that properly fits with our calling from God, and Jesus connects it with showing the world that He was sent by the Father. Much the same way, having love shows that we’re Christ’s disciples (John 13:35). It’s starting to sound like the ideas of manifesting, recognizing and showing forth that are carried with the word “glorify” are connected to this idea as well. And now we come to verse 22:

And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world. (John 17:22-24)

Christ’s Glory

Jesus Christ has given us His glory? It seems astonishing, but that’s what He says. based on the definition of glory, this tells us that Jesus is giving us His form and appearance, His honor, reputation and character. (Just to clarify, I mean “give” in the sense of “share” rather than passing it along).

This just boggles my mind. To quote King David, “What is man that You are mindful of him?” (Ps 8:4). We don’t deserve God’s attention, let along a share in His Son’s glory. Yet that is what He is doing in, for, and to us.

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus (Phil. 2:5)

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (1 Cor. 12:)

My little children, for whom I labor in birth again until Christ is formed in you (Gal. 4:19)

Christ’s mind in us … His strength in our weakness … His character formed in us … could these be other ways to express the same thing that’s going on when He says, “the glory which You gave Me I have given them”?

the mystery which has been hidden from ages and from generations, but now has been revealed to His saints. To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. (Col. 1:26-27)

Christ in us gives us present glory by association with His glory, and He is our hope of future glory where “we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is” (1 John 3:2). I said earlier that glorification in John 17 is connected with revealing Who and what the Father and Jesus Christ are to the world. Their work to glorify us is connected with this same goal.

We are called “the light of the world,” and told “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matt. 5:14-16). As we press on toward future glory, let’s also be mindful of the glory we’ve been given now as Christ’s own special people, to glorify Him and the Father by how we live.

Does God Allow Trials We Can’t Endure?

26 July, 201422 September, 2016Marissa

I recently read two separate articles that said this verse is inaccurate or at least grossly misinterpreted: “God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are can endure.” The example used was that Christians who commit suicide were obviously given a trial they couldn’t bear on their own, and they needed outside help. But does needing help from other people really invalidate this scripture, or is there something else going on?

Faithful to Help

The phrase quoted above is just a piece of a sentence in 1 Corinthians. Let’s look at the whole verse to get some context.

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1 Cor. 10:13)

First we see the idea that no matter how alone or oppressed we feel, we’re not being given trials greater than that which is common to man — someone else, somewhere, has gone through something similar. This includes other human beings, of course, but it also includes Jesus Christ.

For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Heb. 4:15-16)

Not only are trials like ours held in common with other people, but our Lord and Savior went through similar temptation and sufferings. One of the main reasons He did that was so that He could understand what we’re going through and offer His aid. As it says in 1 Cor. 10:13, “God is faithful,” and He will do that for us.

Secondly, we see that the promise which says God won’t let us be tempted beyond our endurance comes with an explanation for how He will do that. It’s not just that God protects us from trials unless we can get through them by gritting out teeth and pushing forward on our own. He “will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

Needing Others

This “way of escape” is intriguing. The wording implies intervention by God to create “escapes” for us in our trials, and action necessary on our part to take the offered escape. I imagine this sort of thing will look very different depending on the type of trial and who is going through the trial. Sometimes it may be what we think of as a literal escape, with the trial or temptation coming to an end. Or it could be that something changes to make the trial bearable. I’m sure we’ve all known someone with a long standing trial (like illness or chronic pain) who still has peace and joy in their lives.

and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. …And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:7, 19)

Do we trust God to truly do this, to give us every thing we need in every circumstance? People will say something like, “well, that’s not true. You can’t just go through life with an ‘I don’t need anything but God” attitude. We need other people.” True to a certain extent, but where do you think those other people come from?

Good friends — the people you can really talk with about anything and go to when you need help — are rare. We call them a blessing. So when we have people like this in our lives, I’d say that comes under God supplying all our needs, including our need for companionship. Perhaps sometimes the “way of escape” so we’re able to bear a trial comes in the form of another person. It could be a friend, or someone you barely know. Maybe it’s a therapist or a minister to offer counsel. Perhaps it’s a brutally honest sibling to knock some sense into you (hopefully not literally).

I’ve been on the receiving end of this from someone I’d only just met. I was at a church-sponsored weekend and feeling particularly vulnerable emotionally. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of hiding my heartache, but apparently not, because a girl I’d been introduced to barley two days ago sought me out the last evening to ask what was wrong. The story spilled out and I started crying. Then she prayed aloud for me. It was incredible — I felt God’s Spirit present in a way unlike I’d ever felt before. That wasn’t the conclusion of that trial, but it did mark the escape for climbing out of it and back towards God.

When God sends us someone to help us through a trial, we should be careful not to push them away. But this works from both sides. We can also be the person who is provided by God to offer help.

Being a Blessing

Have you ever considered that? When we’re talking about trials, I think we’re more often inclined to think of how someone else can help us than how we can help other people. But if we expect that we’re going to benefit from the comfort and help of other believers, we should also expect that God wants to use us to help them.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3-4)

We’re supposed to be looking after our brethren, building them up, making sure they’re okay, and being sure to offer real encouragement and help rather than empty platitudes when they need aid.

If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? (James 2:15-16)

It is similarly un-helpful (and can even be harmful) to just slap a scripture on someone’s emotional wounds and walk away. Saying, “God will supply all your needs” or “don’t worry, He won’t give you anything you can’t endure” isn’t any help unless we’re willing to be used by God to supply those needs by listening to them, praying with and for them, and keeping in touch with them.

Example of Love

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)

Love – agape – within the church is the sign that we are followers of Christ. That’s how important it is to have self-sacrificing love that seeks the good of others. Romans 12:1 talks of us presenting ourselves as “a living sacrifice.” We can look at the life of Jesus Christ to see a perfect example of what it means to live as a sacrifice in service to God. Have you ever noticed how much of His ministry involved helping other people? Pretty much all of it. And now He tells us that we and every one of our fellow believers are highly valued as His own temple and body “which He purchased with His own blood” (Acts 20:28).

If we’re going to claim that level of importance in God’s eyes, we must see others in the same light. Do we treat other people as if Christ is living in them? and we have to do this for our brethren whether or not we think it looks like Christ is in them. If we’re being honest, we know that we’ve also been seen doing things that are not Christ-like. We must be forgiving toward others if we want to be forgiven (Matt 6:12, 14-15). Really, we’re left without any good excuses for not helping others when we see them in need. If we’re following Jesus Christ, we will be loving and serving other people as much as possible. It’s as simple (and as complicated) as that.

So to answer the question that is the title of this post, I believe God does not let us go through trials or temptations that it is impossible for us to bear. They might not turn out the way we expect them to, but if we stay close to God we will turn out the way He expects us to. He will send us escapes and aid, and will open our eyes to recognize His help. And sometimes we’ll have the chance to follow Jesus’ example and be used by God to help another person.

Save

Why I Still Believe In Soul Mates

21 July, 201415 September, 2019Marissa

There seems to be a movement in some of the Christian relationship blogs I read to debunk the “myth” of soul mates. The argument can be summed up in this quote from Boundless.org’s article Myths About Soul Mates: “Believing that ‘the one’ is out there, waiting to ‘complete you,’ inevitably leads to discontentment and maybe even divorce.” Another of their articles, Hoping for a Soul Mate, quotes Atlanta psychiatrist Frank Pittman as saying, “Nothing has produced more unhappiness than the concept of a soul mate.” If you’re not familiar with these arguments, I encourage you to glance at one or both links before reading on.

click to read article, "Why I Still Believe In Soul Mates" | marissabaker.wordpress.com — Photo Credit: Anne Edgar via StockSnap

Defining “Soul Mate”

Just so we’re all starting out on the same page, here’s a composite definition of what the articles I referenced above seem to mean when they use the term “soul mate”:

A soul mate is your perfect match, who complements all your weaknesses and strengths and loves you unreservedly for who you are. There is only one soul mate for each person, and you’re on a search to find them so they can “complete you.”

These articles say this is an impossible ideal and it becomes dangerous when we start holding the person we’re in a relationship with to impossible and unrealistic expectations. And I do acknowledge this is a danger if we’re focused on the idea of finding one perfect mate (see this scene in Ever After for a humorous example of a few problems which can result).

Given these compelling arguments about the dangers of having an expectation like this in dating, you might be wondering why I’m writing a post about believing in soul mates. I have a slightly different take on the idea of soul mates, though.

My Idea of a Soul Mate

I imagine there are several people out there who have the potential to be our “soul mates.” For me, I think this would look like a relationship where I feel safe sharing my inner thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Someone who can understand, relate to, or at least appreciate the parts of my mind which I so rarely share, and with whom I can connect on a “kindred spirits” level. It almost goes without staying that this kind of connection must have a spiritual/religious component as well — I doubt I could be in this kind of relationship with someone who does not share my faith. I think there’s also a bit of truth in the idea of finding a mate who “completes” you, not in the way that most people might think of it but in the way that God meant when He created a husband and wife to be two parts of a whole.

As I mentioned, in this theory there are multiple people with whom the potential exists for forming a soul mate connection. You might meet several, but your goal should be that your relationships only reach a “soul mate level” with one of these people. I suspect that there’s a point in a good relationship where the other potential soul mates no longer matter because a “sole soul mate” relationship has been forged.

This is where the idea of commitment comes in. Once you choose to marry someone, you’re also choosing to cultivate a soul mate relationship only with them (the first article I linked to actually touches on this point). This is also why can be dangerous to form deep emotional intimacies with someone of the opposite sex who you don’t intend to marry (or whom you’re not sure yet if you will marry) — sharing your heart without the promise of commitment to a sole soul mate relationship seems like a good way to get your heart broken.

Personality Theory

I’m sure not everyone will agree with this idea, and really I don’t expect them to. There’s so much variation in our individual personalities, tastes and ideas that it seems ridiculous to expect everyone to want and expect the same thing from a romantic relationship.

Jane Eyre (INFJ) and Edward Rochester (ENTP or ENTJ)

When David Keirsey wrote his personality theories based on Myers-Briggs, he suggested that each of his four personality groups would be looking for, and be, a different kind of romantic partner. He describes the Artisans (Myers’ SP types) as Playmates, who are “exciting and fun” and usually end up married to Guardians (SJ types), who are looking to fill a Helpmate role. Rationals (NT types) want a Mindmate with whom they can have intellectual discussions and explore “abstract rather than concrete” ideas. They often marry the Idealists (NF types, like my INFJ personality), who are searching for Soulmates.

What Idealists wish for in their spouse is a Soulmate, a spouse who knows their feelings without being told of them, and who spontaneously expresses words of endearment, words that acknowledge their mate’s unique identity. Idealists want the marital relationship to be, as they put it, “deep and meaningful,” Other types will settle for much less than this. … suffice it to say that Idealists are asking their spouses for something most of them do no understand and do not know how to give. (Please Understand Me II, p.146)

Well, that sounds depressingly unattainable. Honestly, when I was reading this book the first time the beginning of this paragraph had me nodding and thinking it sounded exactly just right, but that final sentence is really discouraging. Still, I don’t think I have such unrealistic expectations as Keirsey describes Idealists as having in other parts of his book (though it does sound idyllic). Maybe he’s right and 80-85% of the population will tell me I’m crazy to hope for a “soul mate.” But hopefully someday I’ll be able to say, like the bride in Song of Songs, “I found him whom my soul loves” (Song. 3:4, WEB).

Click here to check out my e-book, The INFJ Handbook, for more information and insight into the INFJ personality type — Available in the Amazon Kindle Store

Save