I’ve noticed that I have a tendency toward a corrective bent in my teachings and studies, even in articles that don’t come across as correcting the reader. If I hear something that I think is Biblically wrong, particularly in a church setting, I want to then pick it apart, present a counter argument, and fix the mistake. A lot of my blog posts grew out of this tendency. My extensively researched post on agape started as irritation at someone in a sermon quoting an (inaccurate) AI-generated historical definition rather than doing actual research. My most recent post on women’s roles in the church was sparked by a social media post. And those are just two examples.
While this desire to correct mistakes has prompted some good studies, I’m starting to think that it’s not always a good tendency. I catch myself looking for mistakes, then getting upset about them and wanting to correct them. Did you notice that speaker only quoted half the verse, presumably because the second half would have undermined his point? Or that this speaker doesn’t understand the nuances of Greek or Hebrew grammar? Or that the person over there didn’t take the culture in 1st century Rome into account with his interpretation? I need to tell everyone that they’re wrong!
But do I really? And, perhaps a more important question, what makes me think I know everything or that I’m always the one who’s right in these situations? My knowledge is actually very limited. I don’t know why he quoted half the verse, I’m not fluent in ancient Greek or Hebrew either (though I do know how to use research materials to make up for part of that deficiency), and just because I’m obsessed with historical New Testament context doesn’t mean everyone has the time to read books about it.
The last time I heard something from a church speaker that seemed wrong to me, I reminded myself of Hanlon’s Razor: “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” That might have helped me remember that he could be wrong because he didn’t check the context rather than because he was trying to undermine Biblical truth, but it’s still not a truly charitable assumption. A far better option is to approach people–either in-person or in our minds–with an assumption of positive intent. I wrote about this a couple of years ago in my post “The Necessity of Godly Conflict Resolution and Forgiveness.”
I know from my English studies, particularly learning how to peer review other people’s writings, that approaching someone else with the attitude “I can fix you/your writing” is completely unhelpful. To be helpful, criticism must be constructive and you should spend just as much time (if not more) pointing out what works as you do correcting what doesn’t work. Maybe the same thing is true when interacting with other Christians, including the people who we think “should know better” already.
Christians are explicitly called to love one another the same way that Christ has loved us and to maintain peace within the body of believers. That doesn’t mean there’s never a time and place for setting things right (Jesus corrected plenty of people), but it does mean that our first impulse should be to extend grace rather than express irritation. And maybe when we ask, “What did they get right?” before asking “What did they get wrong?” we might even find that our initial impulse that they’re wrong was (at least partly) in error. At the very least, we can revise our knee-jerk reaction to be one of grace that assumes positive intent rather than one of criticism that seeks errors.
For the culmination of all things is near. So be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of prayer. Above all keep your love for one another fervent, because love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without complaining. Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of the varied grace of God. Whoever speaks, let it be with God’s words. Whoever serves, do so with the strength that God supplies, so that in everything God will be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.
1 Peter 4:7-11, NET (bold italics mark a quote from Prov 10:12).
Featured image by Inbetween from Lightstock
Like An Anchor 
I appreciate this post. When I look back over messages I gave when I first started speaking, it’s really striking to me the grace which more seasoned people had to have given me. There are many things I put in an incorrect or simply superficial way.
There’s definitely a balance between encouragement and correction which comes in trying to see past someone’s present to their future potential. Sometimes I think God clearly gives us the words to offer clarification without discouragement, but a lot of the rest of time I think we can trust God that He’s got their growth process in hand just like He’s been patient with us.
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Thanks Clint! I really like your point about trusting God to work in people the way He’s patiently worked in us
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Hi Marissa,
What a great self-reflective post! It sounds like you have the gift of teaching in abundance. 😉 In your examples, you demonstrate that you are most irritated by other teachers who teach “incomplete” lessons. That’s a dead give-away. The teaching gift is a blessing because it helps keep people from drifting into unsound doctrine, which can lead to apostasy and destruction. When it’s paired with the gift of humility (i.e., being teachable), then the teacher can also teach us how to be more like Christ, which is what you’ve done in this post.
Many years ago, I read an article (that I can no longer find!) on the Institute in Basic Life Principles website about how our “irritations” can help us detect our “motivational gift” (the primary spiritual gift that we operate out of in ministry). It comes so effortlessly to us that we don’t even think of it and we assume that everyone (especially every Christian) is the same way. For example, a person with a motivational gift of mercy would be automatically irritated at people who are not compassionate or who “turn a blind eye” to those in need. They assume that people are heartless when they don’t help others when it could be that they really are blind to that person’s needs (most people’s default perspective is to be focused on our own needs!). Since the person who is motivated out of mercy literally cannot “un-see” someone in need, the challenge would be NOT to help that person if God tells him or her that He’s “dealing with that person” (i.e., breaking down their pride) through their hardship or suffering. The solution is to let Him handle it directly without the merciful person’s intervention. Another challenge for the person who is primarily motivated by mercy would be to “forgive” God for “allowing” people to suffer “too long” or “unnecessarily.” When I read through the examples for each “motivational gift” to find mine, I came to the conclusion that I have all of them because I am regularly irritated into action by all of the irritations associated with each “motivational gift.” 😂 A blessing and a “curse”!
With regards to the teaching gift, I’ve found that applying the “sandwich critique method” (compliment, correction, compliment) works whenever I feel the urge to just dive into correcting the errors that I see or hear in others’ works, explanations, teachings, etc. – and even in my own work (hello, paralysis by analysis!). If the person responds negatively to my gracious correction, then I know how to pray for that person because it is pride that makes us defensive about correction and unteachable (see Proverbs 9:7-9).
The Hanlon Razor quote is hilarious because I’m learning that what I think is “common sense” isn’t so common; it’s actually supernatural “sense” (wisdom) that we receive from our Father in Heaven (see James 1:17). So when I realize that someone is lacking “common sense” (i.e., godly wisdom), I overcome my irritation at their spiritual (and/or intellectual) poverty by asking God to give them what they need but don’t have the “sense” to ask Him to provide (see James 1:5). Interceding for others immediately “erases” my irritation, then I can return to my default state of inner peace and contentment (see 1 Timothy 2:1-7, 6:6).
According to “How Should I Deal With Irritations? Taking a Seat In the Classroom of Life” (Institute in Basic Life Principles):
God can use inevitable irritations to increase your sensitivity to the > needs of others, expand your opportunities, and develop your inward > character. If you react wrongly to irritations, you forfeit the benefits > they can provide. You may even make matters worse! However, as you respond > to them with insight and proper action, you welcome God’s work in your > life, allowing Him to achieve His highest purpose for you—forming the life > of His Son within you.
Some relevant Scriptures for reflection:
In His grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. *If you are a teacher, teach well. *If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly. – Romans 12:6-8 (New Living Translation)
Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise. – Proverbs 13:10 (NLT) https://www.bible.com/bible/116/pro.13.10
Senseless people learn their lessons the hard way, but the wise are teachable. – Proverbs 21:11 (The Passion Translation) https://www.bible.com/bible/1849/pro.21.11
A fool is in love with his own opinion, but wisdom means being teachable. – Proverbs 12:15 (TPT) https://www.bible.com/bible/1849/pro.12.15
To learn the truth you must long to be teachable, or you can despise correction and remain ignorant. – Proverbs 12:1 (TPT) https://www.bible.com/bible/1849/pro.12.1
To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction. https://www.bible.com/bible/compare/PRO.12.1 – Proverbs 12:1 (NLT)
I am weary, O God; I am weary and worn out, O God. I am too stupid to be human, and I lack common sense. I have not mastered human wisdom, nor do I know the Holy One. – Proverbs 30:1-3 (NLT)
Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. So don’t bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you. But correct the wise, and they will love you. Instruct the wise, and they will be even wiser. Teach the righteous, and they will learn even more. – Proverbs 9:7-9 (NLT)
[Love] is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. – 1 Corinthians 13:4b (NLT)
Paul’s Prayer for Spiritual Wisdom (Ephesians 1:15-18, NLT) – 15 Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for God’s people everywhere, 16 I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, 17 asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. 18 I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.
I love your posts that I get a chance to read, Marissa. They help me a lot, so please keep up the good work in service of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Body of Christ! ♥️🎁
Your sister in Christ,
J.
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Thanks so much for your feedback and encouragement!
That sounds like a fascinating article on irritations being linked with gifts. It’s a shame it’s no longer available to read.
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You’re welcome! I can’t find the original article but I kept searching for the key terms that I remember and received this response:
AI Overview:
According to the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) and related teachings, your irritations can help you identify your motivational gift by revealing areas where you have a strong, divinely-given purpose. The idea is that what persistently and inevitably annoys you in others often corresponds to a specific spiritual gift that you possess. This is because you have a God-given sensitivity for a particular principle that you feel others are failing to live up to.
For example, a person with the gift of mercy may be irritated when others speak harshly or show a lack of compassion, because the mercy-giver has a deep-seated sensitivity to hurt.
How irritations correspond to each motivational gift
Here is how specific irritations are believed to point to one of the seven motivational gifts, based on the IBLP model.
Prophet/Perceiver: You are consistently bothered by insincerity, deceit, or spiritual compromise in others. Your gift is to perceive and expose these wrongs for the sake of truth.
Server: You are annoyed by inefficiency, unmet needs, or shoddy, low-quality work. Your gift is to be observant of practical needs and to organize tasks to accomplish them.
Teacher: You are frustrated when facts are misconstrued or information is presented inaccurately. Your gift is to research and communicate truth in a clear, systematic way.
Exhorter/Encourager: You are discouraged when people are giving up, feel hopeless, or aren’t taking practical steps to overcome a problem. Your gift is to provide wise, practical counsel and encourage others toward spiritual growth.
Giver: You feel a special burden when people’s practical or material needs are overlooked. Your gift is a powerful motivation to meet needs by giving your own resources.
Ruler/Organizer: You are irritated by disorder, lack of direction, and chaotic structures. Your gift is the ability to see the “big picture” and create orderly systems and plans.
Mercy: You are hurt when you see or hear someone being treated unkindly or unjustly. Your gift is a deep sensitivity to the emotional and spiritual pain of others, motivating you to show compassion.
How to use this for self-discovery
To use your irritations for self-discovery, consider the following process:
Reflect on annoyances: Consider what bothers you most about the actions or inactions of others, especially in a spiritual or ministry context.
Ask the clarifying question: According to IBLP founder Bill Gothard, ask yourself: “What do Christians do (or not do) that disappoints me and causes unbelievers to reject the Christian life?” Your answers will be filtered through your motivational gift.
Use it for growth, not condemnation: The purpose of this exercise is not to judge or condemn others. IBLP teaches that your irritations are a tool that can be used to mature you and increase your sensitivity to the needs of others.
Embrace your role: By understanding your motivational gift, you can focus on your strengths and find your unique purpose in serving the church.
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