We Need To Watch Our Words

In the aftermath of another polarizing United States election, I think it’s a good time to revisit the topic of how God’s people should use language, especially when speaking about other people. Even though most of us in the U.S. agree) that there aren’t any really good politicians we could vote for, we often have very strong opinions about which is the “lesser of two evils” and equally strong opinions about people who come to a different conclusion than we ourselves did. These other people are very likely in a similar position to us, not agreeing 100% with either candidate but coming to a different conclusion about which option is a little better.

There’s a temptation to mock, belittle, and despise others who vote differently than us or have different viewpoints (whether or not they chose to vote). But when we stand before Christ, we will answer for every idle or worthless word we speak (Matt. 12:36), the times we judged, despised and condemned other people (Matt. 5:22; Rom. 14:10), and our coarse jesting or foolish talking (Eph. 5:4). Our thoughtless, angry words or the things we excuse by saying, “I was just joking,” might be something that God takes very seriously.

Today, we’re going to look at three key areas where we need to be careful about what we say: 1) passing judgement on others, 2) despising them or calling them foolish, and 3) coarse jesting. Finally, we’ll look at one overriding principle for how we ought to interact with other people: love.

Passing Judgement

There’s a difference between passing judgement (condemning) and making a judgement call (discernment). That’s one reason that you see seemingly contradictory scriptures like “Judge not” (Matt. 7:1) and “judge righteous judgement” (John 7:24). We must be careful not to usurp a role that God reserves for Himself as judge, and so bring harsher judgement on ourselves (Matt. 7:1-5; James 2:13).

Now receive the one who is weak in the faith, and do not have disputes over differing opinions. One person believes in eating everything, but the weak person eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not despise the one who does not, and the one who abstains must not judge the one who eats everything, for God has accepted him. Who are you to pass judgment on another’s servant? Before his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. …

But you who eat vegetables only—why do you judge your brother or sister? And you who eat everything—why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. For it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee will bow to me, and every tongue will give praise to God.” Therefore, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore we must not pass judgment on one another, but rather determine never to place an obstacle or a trap before a brother or sister.

Romans 14:1-4, 10-13 NET (bold italics mark a quotation from Isa 45:23)

Here, Paul used the example of disagreements about what we should or shouldn’t eat to make a point. When you disagree with someone about an opinion, your duty as a Christian is to refrain from passing judgement or despising them. Rather, you should guard your behavior to make sure you’re not putting a stumbling block in front of them.

To be clear, this does not mean we can’t make judgement calls about sinful actions. It is love (agape) to point out a sin in a fellow Christian for the purpose of restoring someone to a right relationship with fellow believers and with God (Matt 18:15-22; 2 Tim. 2:24-26). Our goal should always be restoration rather than condemnation, even when we have to stop associating with someone because they refuse to repent (1 Cor. 5). Even when Paul ” judged the one who” committed “the kind of immorality that is not permitted even among the Gentiles” (1 Cor. 5:1-2, NET), it wasn’t to mock the sinner or call them names. We should be grieved by other’s sins and moved by love to help them reach a point of repentance. How much more, then, should we withhold condemnation when we disagree with someone on an opinion?

Despising Others

When someone disagrees with us on something we see as important, fails to see our point of view, or cannot be convinced by our arguments, the natural human response is to label them a fool. But despising someone else, particularly a “brother” (either by blood or because they’re fellow children of God), is not the way Jesus said to do things.

“You have heard that it was said to an older generation, ‘Do not murder,’ and ‘whoever murders will be subjected to judgment.’ But I say to you that anyone who is angry with a brother will be subjected to judgment. And whoever insults a brother will be brought before the council, and whoever says ‘Fool’ will be sent to fiery hell.”

Matthew 5:21-22, NET (bold italics mark a quotation from Exod 20:13; Deut 5:17)

Let’s look at two of the original words used in this passage. “Whoever insults a brother” could also be translated, “whoever says to his brother ‘Raca,'” which is “an Aramaic word of contempt or abuse meaning ‘fool’ or ’empty head'” (NET footnote “b” on Matt. 5:22). The word translated “fool” is the Greek moros, which is where the English word “moron” comes from. Most scholars assume it means “you fool” but a few argue it could mean “rebel” (NET footnote “e” on Matt. 5:22). God holds His followers to a high standard of conduct, higher even than what was outlined in the Old Testament laws like “do not murder.”

Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work.  They must not slander anyone, but be peaceable, gentle, showing complete courtesy to all people. For we too were once foolish, disobedient, misled, enslaved to various passions and desires, spending our lives in evil and envy, hateful and hating one another. 

Titus 3:1-3, NET

In Paul’s letter to Titus, he instructs this pastor to remind the people he’s teaching that they need to be mindful of their speech. Specifically, “they must not slander” (“‘discredit,’ ‘damage the reputation of'” [NET translators’ note]) anyone. This verse is also translated with the instruction, “to speak evil of no one” (Tit. 3:2, WEB). When we’re considering how to talk about someone else, we must remember that if we think someone is foolish, misled, evil, or hateful that we were once like that too, and we’re not supposed to be like that anymore now that we have God’s spirit and have committed to following Him. We have to stop talking out of bitterness or malice, and remove slander and insults from our speech (Eph. 4:31-32; 1 Peter 3:9).

Coarse Jesting

Humor is such a tricky subject (as I mentioned in my newsletter earlier this week). One person might find something hilarious that another person would find offensive, repulsive, or hurtful. What people find funny varies between cultures and individuals. Because it’s so subjective, people often say that if someone is offended by our humor they just “didn’t get the joke” or they “need to lighten up.” But just because we find something funny doesn’t mean it can’t hurt someone else. All too often, people use humor to cover up the fact that they’re being mean or thoughtless. Jokes that hinge on cruelly mocking, belittling, and hurting people shouldn’t be something we find funny.

You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it would give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. You must put away all bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and slanderous talk—indeed all malice. Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.

Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints. Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting—all of which are out of character—but rather thanksgiving. For you can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

Ephesians 4:29-5:5, NET

In this passage, Paul covers a lot of sins that are related to our speech. These include:

• “unwholesome word” (translated from sapros [G4550] and logos [G3056])– “unwholesome” refers to something that’s corrupt, rotten, putrefied, or worthless and “word” is speech or communication. Hebrews 13:5 tells us the “fruit of our lips” should praise God and acknowledge his name, but this is the opposite: disgusting, rotting, foul words.
• “vulgar speech” (translated from aischrotes [G151])–obscenity, filthiness. Comprises “improper conduct whether in action or word or even thought and intent” that brings shame when it is “exposed by the light” (Zodhiates).
• “foolish talk” (translated from morologia [G3473])–“silly talk, that is, buffoonery” (Strong). It’s from the same Greek root word as our English word “moron.” This is the “type of speech that betrays a person as foolish” (Zodhiates).
• “coarse jesting” (translated from eutrapelia [G2160])–in a bad sense, this word for “humor” includes “scurrility, ribaldry, low jesting” (Thayer). Basically, it is someone skilled at twisting their words wittily, which can be used to amuse others or to manipulate (Zodhiates).

Clearly, there are some types of humor that God would not excuse as “just a joke.” If the words we’re speaking are rotten and disgusting, improper or shameful, moronic and foolish, or twisted to amuse others with coarse or scurrilous jests, then they’re not funny–they’re sinful. And right after telling us these things are wrong, Paul warns that we “can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God” (Eph. 5:5, NET). This is a very serious matter. People who misuse their words to hurt others are not going to be in God’s kingdom.

Love

Now that we’ve looked at scriptures telling us what not to do with our words, let’s turn our attention to what we ought to do instead. It’s not enough to just take the ungodly types of speech out of our conversation; we also have to put godly speech in. Thankfully, there are plenty of guidelines in the bible for how to do that.

Some of the verses we’ve already looked at include instructions on how we should talk right alongside the instructions about what not to say. In Titus, Paul said, “be peaceable, gentle, showing complete courtesy to all people” (Tit. 3:2, NET). In Ephesians, he said, “be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another” (Eph. 4:32, NET). And if we keep reading in Romans 14, we come to this passage:

Therefore we must not pass judgment on one another, but rather determine never to place an obstacle or a trap before a brother or sister. … For if your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy by your food someone for whom Christ died. Therefore do not let what you consider good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God does not consist of food and drink, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit

Romans 14:13, 15-17 NET

Here, Paul continues addressing the disagreement about whether to eat meat, the principle applies to how we interact with each other through our words as well. Peace, gentleness, courtesy, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, righteousn0ess, joy–all those should be characteristics of our speech. It’s summed-up by the second greatest commandment: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:36-40).

 “I give you a new commandment—to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. Everyone will know by this that you are my disciples—if you have love for one another.”

John 15:34-35, NET

We’re supposed to love our fellow Christians so much that people observing our interactions can tell that we’re followers of Jesus Christ. And it isn’t confined just to fellow Christians: it’s for our neighbors as well (i.e. anyone we’re aware of and have any sort of interaction with). As Paul said in Romans (shortly before the passage about not judging those with different opinions), “Love does no wrong to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law” (Rom. 13:10, NET). Unless we’re loving “in deed and truth” as well as in our words, we’re not Jesus’s disciples (1 John 3:18, NET; see 1 John 3:10-18; 4:20-21).

All of our words, thoughts, and actions have to be motivated by love. That’s how God is, and that’s how He wants us to be. Will we do it perfectly? Of course not, but we still need to try. We also need to study the Bible, learn what God expects from us (i.e. how to become more like Him and to walk in obedience with Him), and repent when we catch ourselves missing the mark. Ultimately, the goal is to “take every thought captive to make it obey Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5, NET) and then to speak out of the abundance of good and godly things in our hearts “for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned”(Matt. 12:37, NET; see Matt. 12:33-37).

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