ENFJ and INFJ Friendships

There’s potential for meaningful friendship between two people of any personality type, but it seems to come easier for some. As an INFJ, there are some personality types that I connect with more easily than others (as mentioned in a previous post about ENTPs). Today, I want to talk about ENFJs.

I’m blessed to have four ENFJs in my life. My brother (who is also one of my best friends) is an ENFJ, as is another close guy friend, a girl I’ve known for several years, and a girl who is friends with my brother. I think it’s rather amazing, since ENFJs are almost as rare as INFJs — about 2-5 percent of  the population, as opposed to 1-3 percent (and male INFJs and ENFJs are much rarer than their female counterparts).

ENFJ and INFJ Friendships | marissabaker.wordpress.com

Understanding Each Other

I love spending time with ENFJs. By virtue of being extroverts they’re a bit easier to meet than other INFJs, but there’s still that instant connection that comes with feeling really understood and accepted. INFJs crave understanding and connection, and since we’re usually the listeners it’s nice to meet someone who you feel actually wants to listen to you.

In Myers-Briggs circles, we say this type of connection is a result of shared learning and decision-making processes. INFJs lead with Introverted Intuition, which is supported by Extroverted Feeling, and ENFJs lead with Extroverted Feeling supported by Introverted Intuition. We “get” each other because we see the world in extremely similar ways.

One of my favorite things about spending time with ENFJs is I never feel like we’re stuck on shallow conversation topics — they’ll dive just as deep into a subject as you want. Also, I love the fact that ENFJs actually voice the kind of random questions that pop into my head and throw them out for discussion. I suspect the ENFJs are also happy to find a conversation partner who’s willing and eager to talk about things like the origin of the universe, whether you’d rather fight a horse-sized chicken or a dozen chicken-size horses, and relationship compatibility with Disney villains.

Extrovert/Introvert Dynamic

Sometimes introverts, like INFJs, complain about feeling worn-out by their extroverted friends. We may love the fact that they help draw us out and will do the talking in situations where we don’t know anyone, but they don’t always understand our need for alone time or desire to leave the party early. This is not true of the ENFJs I know.

In general, ENFJs are friendly, gregarious and popular, but they also need down-time. They are one of the most “introverted extroverts” (along with ENTJs), and I usually find that by the time I’m ready to withdraw from a crowd, my ENFJ friend is as well. One-on-one conversations (or in small groups of 3 or 4 friends) are where I shine, and ENFJs are comfortable here as well.

ENFJs might wish their INFJ friends were a little more outgoing, but I never feel like they’re pressuring me to go past my people-limit. They want me to be the best version of myself that I can be, not to turn me into something else. Sometimes their drive toward perfection (of themselves and others) annoys and frustrates me, but I usually have to admit their advice is right (note: this is particularly hard to deal with when coming from your teenage brother).

ENFJ and INFJ Friendships | marissabaker.wordpress.comDo you have experience with ENFJ and INFJ friendship pairings? What did you think?



12 thoughts on “ENFJ and INFJ Friendships

  • As an extrovert, it is challenging to realize that not everyone operates that way. Growing up, if someone wasn’t talking, it meant that something was wrong , or they were upset with you. So I can tend to not feel like I am connecting with introverts because of the lack of cutting each other off in conversation like a bunch of clucking hens! Additionally, I can feel like I am talking way too much and introverted folks are just politely putting up with me… (which still may well happen sometimes) But it takes a conscious choice to not interpret introverts the way I naturally would. But then again, every person is different, so I can’t necessarily paint with a broad brush!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m a loud introvert so I kinda get the mentality.But when we do go silent it is either because we are in our heads or conserving energy or just don’t want to say something stupid which I have done at times lolz But yeah my best bro is an Enfj we bond well. We did butt heads at times but for the most part we get eachother.

      Liked by 1 person

  • One of my longest and closest friendships is with an ENFJ. She is one of my favorite people in the world. I wish I knew more ENFJs. I love their positivity. It helps draw me out of my negative-doom-and-gloom thinking. They are the light to my darkness. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  • Well, I am an INFJ and some time ago I met a man with whom I felt comfortable immediately, which is very unusual for me. Normally it takes me a lot of time to be willing to let someone in (not that I do that in purpose), but in his case it felt rather natural. Recently I found out he is an ENFJ. So, indeed, this post makes sense to me.

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    • I know the feeling — that’s only happened to me twice, once with an ENFJ and once with an INFJ. Talking openly and comfortably with them just feels so natural.


      • I have had people tell me things about themselves and then follow-up with “I don’t mean to bother you about my life” to which I reply that I’m not bothered by it. I’m always amazed at what people have told me in confidence. When someone gets mildly paranoid about their secrets, I simply assure them that whatever they tell me is kept secret – I’m like their doctor, lawyer and priest all rolled up into one. LOL! I guess it’s my semi-easy going nature and friendly personality.

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  • Wow, this is weird! I am an ENFJ guy and we are a rare breed indeed. I have known a few INFJ people in my life (one male, one female) and we did get along fairly well. I am not a strong E, but enough that I derive energy from being around others, love to have intelligent conversations, socialize, affectionate, romantic, high energy level, very positive, patient, etc. People usually enjoy being around me, for the most part and I sometimes tend to make people laugh. The introvert-extrovert title is also true because I am cautious in revealing personal thoughts and feelings about myself and like to keep my various social “worlds” separate. Fascinating stuff!

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  • Beautiful post!

    I am an ENFJ currently with an INFJ man. There is a beautiful, unspoken dynamic that grows throughout our friendship which eventually became a meaningful relationship we could ever ask for. We see the world very similarly in different energies, we agree even when we disagree, and we fulfill each other’s needs without the other one asking because we already intuitively know. Even if it this didn’t work out, I’d know that this is still going to be my life long partner in different ways either as a friend or a mentor.

    Advice for ENFJ, be patient with the INFJ because once they give you their time and trust they will almost never give it back. That is why they take their time. Understand they have their layers that you must grow into because there is a very precious core underneath.

    I am public relations studies major and he is pre-med. Makes sense for our personality right? We are constantly learning and perfecting each other. I only hope that everyone can experience a love like this, if not ever than at least once in their life.

    Liked by 1 person

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