How Should We Speak With Other People in the Church?

13 January, 202412 January, 2024Marissa

Earlier this week, my dad mentioned to me that he noticed the word “debate” is never used in a positive light in the Bible and yet people in the church sometimes argue that debate is healthy. Dad’s observation matched what I’ve heard, and I wondered where the line is between healthy discussions of scripture and unfruitful, even sinful, debating. I wanted to study it more.

Though we’ll spend quite a bit of this post on definitions and examples from scripture that highlight things we should not do when speaking with other people in the church, I think the take-away message is positive. There are so many things that God and His writers tell us that we should be focusing on in our interactions that there’s no need to dwell on the negative things. We need to know what we shouldn’t be doing so we can avoid them, but the bulk of our attention should be on building up, encouraging, teaching, growing, loving, and cultivating peace and unity in the church.

Some Background Definitions

In English, the word “debate” either refers to “a formal discussion on a particular topic in a public meeting” or to the action of arguing “about (a subject), especially in a formal manner.” Originally, the word came into English from “Latin dis- (expressing reversal) + battere ‘to fight’” (definition from Oxford Languages via Google). Arguing and fighting certainly doesn’t sound like something a Christian ought to be doing, particularly in light of how often God expresses His intention for there to be peace in His church.

In the Bible, use of the word “debate” depends on the translation. For example, forms of this word show up 11 times in the NET (Isa. 41:1; 43:26; Mark 12:28; Luke 6:11; 24:15; Acts 9:29; 15:2; 15:7; 18:28; 1 Cor. 1:20; Jud. 1:9) but only 5 times in the KJV (Prov. 25:9; Isa. 27:8; 58:4; Rom. 1:29; 2 Cor. 12:20), and the different translations use “debate” in completely different verses. The WEB version only uses “debate” once (Prov. 25:9). With so many different translations, it will be more useful to look at synonyms and at the Hebrew and Greek words that could be translated “debate,” “argue,” “discuss,” etc.

Hebrew words translated “debate” include rı̂yb (H7378) “to strive, contend” either verbally or physically. This one is used of human quarrels, but also of God’s legal right to “chide” or “reprove” people” (Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament [TWOT] 2159). The word medan (H4090) or madon (H4066) is another word with a root that has judicial connections, and it means “strife, contention” (TWOT 426c). Another word used is matstsâh (H4683), which also means “strife, contention” and comes from a root that means “to struggle” (Brown, Driver, Brigs (BDB) definitions). Here are some of the verses where these words refer to human activity.

The beginning of strife (madon) is like breaching a dam,
therefore stop contention (riyb) before quarreling breaks out.
Proverbs 17:4, WEB

‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and you don’t see?
    Why have we afflicted our soul, and you don’t notice?’ …

Behold, you fast for strife (riyb) and contention (matstsah),
    and to strike with the fist of wickedness.
    You don’t fast today so as to make your voice to be heard on high.
Isaiah 58:3-4, WEB

There are six things which Yahweh hates;
    yes, seven which are an abomination to him:
arrogant eyes, a lying tongue,
    hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
    feet that are swift in running to mischief,
a false witness who utters lies,
    and he who sows discord (medan) among brothers.
Proverbs 6:16-19, WEB

Clearly, discord strife, and contention are not good things for humans to engage in. In fact, God says that He absolutely hates people who go around spreading discord/strife/contention among other people. Strife and contention can even block our voice from being heard by Him.

Image of two men sitting across a table from each other, overlaid with text from 2 Cor. 12:20, NET version: "For I am afraid that somehow when I come I will not find you what I wish, and you will find me not what you wish. I am afraid that somehow there may be quarreling, jealousy, intense anger, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorder." — Image by Claudine Chaussé from Lightstock

Ways of Speaking Together

It’s a similar situation in the New Testament as in the Old, with strong warnings against strife and contention. The Greek words that could be translated “debate” can be grouped roughly into two groups (based on synonyms listed by Zodhiates in The Complete WordStudy Dictionary: New Testament).

On the one hand we have eris (G2054), “strife, contention, wrangling.” Synonyms include “eritheia (2052,) contention, rivalry; antilogia (485), verbal dispute; mache (3163), fighting; philoneikia (5379), love of quarreling or contention; logomachia (3055), strife of words; paroxusmos (3948), paroxysm, incitement” (Zodhiates, entry G2054). Eris is the word that the KJV translates “debate,” and it’s not a good thing. This word and its synonyms have to do with fighting, contention, and strife. All together, eris and its synonyms appear 28 times in the New Testament. The only time one is used positively is Hebrews 10:24 (“provoke,” G3948). All the others are negative, as demonstrated by these verses:

For since there is still jealousy and dissension (eris) among you, are you not influenced by the flesh and behaving like unregenerate people?
1 Corinthians 3:3, NET

Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, depravity, idolatry, sorcery, hostilities, strife (eris), jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish rivalries (eritheia), dissensions, factions, envying, murder, drunkenness, carousing, and similar things. I am warning you, as I had warned you before: Those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God!
Galatians 5:19-21, NET

But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, quarrels (eris), and fights (mache) about the law, because they are useless and empty. Reject a divisive person after one or two warnings. You know that such a person is twisted by sin and is conscious of it himself.
Titus 3:9-11, NET

On the other hand, we have suzeteo (G4802) and its derivatives, which means “to seek or examine together” or to “discuss, dispute, question” (Thayer). In general, it means “to question, reason, dispute with someone” (Zodhiates), and the NET sometimes translates it “debate” because “this term implies emotional dialogue” (NET footnote to Luke 24:15). Synonyms listed by Zodhiates include “dialegomai (1256), to question, argue, dispute; dialogizomai (1260), to reason, discuss; eperotao (1905), to ask, to question” (entry on G4802). As we read these definitions, I think we can see that if someone’s trying to argue that debate is a good thing, they probably mean it in the sense of question, reason, or discuss. But are these words used in a positive light in the New Testament?

Image of people holding hands to pray overlaid with text from Rom. 14:13, 19, NET version: "Therefore we must not pass judgment on one another, but rather determine never to place an obstacle or a trap before a brother or sister. ... So then, let us pursue what makes for peace and for building up one another." — Image by Claudine Chaussé from Lightstock

Discussions: Accepted but Not Commanded

Suzeteo and its synonyms appear 103 times in the New Testament. 60 of those are eperatoa (G1905), which is used simply for asking questions and whether it’s positive or negative depends on the question and the motive. For example, its used of Jesus’s disciples asking Him questions, but also of people questioning Him in an attempt to trap Him (Matt. 16:1; 17:10). Paul even tells women they “should ask” their husbands if they have questions about something going on at church rather than disrupt the service to ask (1 Cor. 14:35). Whether or not a question is positive depends on the motives of the person asking.

Dialegomai (G1256) and dialogizomai (G1260) appear 29 times. These are used of “reasoning together” with other people or of pondering something in your heart. Often it’s negative or has negative consequences (Matt. 16:7-8; 21:25; Mark 2:6-8; 9:33-34), but occasionally it’s positive or neutral (Luke 1:29; 3:15). Outside of the gospels, dialegomai is most often used of Paul’s preaching style in the book of Acts (Acts 17:2, 17; 18:4, 19; 19:8-9; 20:7-9; 24:12, 25). Much as with eperatoa, the how and why of how you’re reasoning with other people determines whether such reasoning is good or bad. It is worth noting, though, that I find no instructions saying that God’s people should engage is such reasoning/disputing. Paul did it and it was okay in that setting, but that doesn’t mean we should all teach or interact with people like this, particularly not all the time.

Suzeteo (G4802) and its derivatives (G4803 and G4804) are used in a similar way. It’s used in the gospels of people questioning and reasoning together, sometimes innocently and sometimes with bad motives (Mark 8:11; Luke 24:14-15). It also appears several times in Acts, sometimes of people outside the church debating with Jesus’s followers, but also of Paul disputing with Jews and even with other apostles (Acts 6:9; 9:29; 15:2, 7; 28:29). Such disputes are not really framed positively, and the words are never used in the New Testament epistles as something we should be doing (though they’re not expressly forbidden, as the eris-type words are).

How Should We Talk With Each Other?

Image of 4 people walking into a church building, overlaid with blog's title text and the words, "Rather than engaging in pointless debates, we should be the kind of people who engage in and create the opportunity for positive, peaceful interactions at church." — Image by Pearl from Lightstock

If contention, strife, and disagreements are prohibited and reasoning, discussion, and disputes are not framed positively in most cases, then how should we be talking with one another?

You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it would give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. You must put away all bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and slanderous talk—indeed all malice.Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.
Ephesians 4:29-32, NET

Our focus shouldn’t be on questioning or disputing with one another, but on finding ways to strengthen each others’ faith. For some people, discussing questions of doctrine in a peaceful way may be beneficial so long as it does not stray into the realm of unprofitable disputations or foolish questions (1 Tim. 6:3-4; 2 Tim. 2:23; Tit. 3:9). But our focus should be on building up each other, being kind in our communication, and forgiving quickly when that’s needed.

Therefore, if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort provided by love, any fellowship in the Spirit, any affection or mercy,complete my joy and be of the same mind, by having the same love, being united in spirit, and having one purpose. Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself. Each of you should be concerned not only about your own interests, but about the interests of others as well.You should have the same attitude toward one another that Christ Jesus had
Philippians 2:1-5, NET

There are so many verses telling us to focus on peace in the church, strengthen the brethren, speak encouraging or joyful things, and submit to each other humbly (Rom. 14:19;15:2; 1 Cor. 14:12; Eph. 5:18-21; Phil. 2:14; Col. 3:16; 1 Thes. 5:11; Heb. 10:24-25; 1 Pet. 5:5). We’re even told to “put up with one another in love,” since sometimes that is what’s needed to maintain unity and peace (Rom. 15:1; Eph. 4:1-3; Col. 3:12-13).

I can only speak for myself, but I always feel encouraged and motivated coming home from church if I’ve had positive, uplifting conversations about God’s goodness, His great work in our lives, and the depth of understanding to be found in His scriptures. Asking questions of other believers and turning to scriptures to find answers can also be uplifting, provided the interaction is focused on learning together rather than lecture or debate. In contrast, it can be upsetting, confusing, and discouraging to be ambushed by someone who wants to debate things that really have no clear answer (e.g. some finer points of prophecy) or which have already been settled to most people’s satisfaction (e.g. the divinity of Jesus Christ).

If I do have the opportunity to get into a debate, I often find myself eager to show-off my scripture knowledge or defend my beliefs, but based on Paul’s instructions to the Romans, Timothy, and Titus that’s the wrong response. The best thing to do is avoid such arguments. After one or two attempts to warn or correct a person who consistently starts this kind of contentious debates, we’re even instructed to avoid them (Rom. 16:17; 1 Tim. 6:3-5; 2 Tim. 2:23; 3:1-5; Tit. 3:9-11). Rather than engaging in pointless debates, we should take the higher ground and model a more excellent way. We should seek to be the kind of people who engage in, start, and create the opportunity for positive, peaceful interactions at church.

Featured image by Shaun Menary from Lightstock

Song Recommendation: “Let There Be Peace On Earth” by Vince Gill

Click here to learn more about these books or to order a copy.

Don’t Panic

22 October, 202221 October, 2022Marissa

If you’re a fan of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy you probably recognize today’s title. It’s also a quote from the Bible (and ironic in how I’m using it, given Douglas Adams’ views on religion), but as a sci-fi fan that phrase jumped out at me when reading Joshua precisely because of Hitchhiker’s Guide. In Adams’s novel, this phrase is written “in large, friendly letters on the cover” of the in-universe Hitchhiker’s Guide. Though it’s played humorously, in an interview with Sci Fi Weekly, Arthur C. Clarke (another sci-fi great) said he thinks “don’t panic” is “the best advice” he could give if addressing humanity as a whole.

While I suspect we could come up with better advice for the whole world than “don’t panic,” it is good advice. Panicking doesn’t do anyone much good. I’ve had many panic attacks, and when you’re panicking it’s hard to focus on anything else. For me, it’s like my chest is closing up, my stomach feels ill, and I start shaking all over. I just want to freeze or run. If it gets really bad, my skin starts prickling and I can’t stand being touched. Many people end up in the hospital with their first panic attack because they literally think they’re dying.

My anxiety has improved and panic attacks lessened significantly in more recent years. It’s still something I track carefully, though, and pray about regularly. I think C.S. Lewis is right when he says our anxieties are “afflictions, not sins” and that we should take them to God rather than feel paralyzed with guilt about them. Even so, there are many indications in the Bible that God doesn’t want us to live with panic, anxiety, and fear as part of our daily lives. It isn’t helpful to feel guilty about experiencing those things, but it’s also not good to just accept them as a normal part of life. God wants to help free us from the burden of panic. And that is good news for us and the whole world.

Image of a man pushing doors open, with text from Phil. 4:6-7, NET version: "Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every
situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." — Image by Pearl from Lightstock

Courage to Live as Kingdom-Citizens

We just got home from celebrating Sukkot (Feast of Tabernacles/Booths). This week-long festival that God commands us to observe (Lev. 23:33-43) reminds us that our lives here on earth are temporary. It also invites us to look forward to a future when “our earthly house of this tabernacle” will be replaced with a spirit body (2 Cor. 5:1, KJV) and the kingdom of God will be here on earth at last (as we looked at in our recent Isaiah Study).

Today, we are citizens of God’s kingdom but we’re not living in it yet. We’re still here on earth, like expatriates whose native land is the kingdom of God and who live in foreign countries. Sometimes those countries are nice places to stay. Other times, they’re actively hostile to people following God. When the world around us opposes us for being citizens of heaven, it would be easy to get scared. But Jesus encourages us to do something else.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; I do not give it to you as the world does. Do not let your hearts be distressed or lacking in courage. …

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage—I have conquered the world.”
John 1427; 16:33, NET

Jesus doesn’t mince words here. He promises peace, but He also says there’s going to be trouble for us in this world. We live in a place that’s war-torn, subject to natural disaster, faces famines, and is full of diseases and danger. There are many beautiful things in this world, but creation is fallen and captive, groaning as it awaits the future kingdom when Jesus will set all things right (Rom. 8:12-25). And on top of those troubles common to all people, many Christians in the world today face persecution for their faith.

If that were the end to the story, it’d be a wonder anyone wants to be a Christian. But the benefits far out weigh the temporary downsides. For one thing, “our present sufferings cannot even be compared to the coming glory that will be revealed to us” (Rom. 8:18, NET). In addition to the future we anticipate in God’s kingdom, we enjoy His presence, comfort, blessings, and aid right now. We can ask Him for help, confident that He will respond, just like the first-century church did. When they were threatened, they prayed for courage to keep teaching (Acts 4:18-31). God didn’t stop all the persecution, but He did answer their prayers. He even turned one of their most feared enemies into a highly effective apostle (Acts 8:1; 9:1-31; 1 Cor. 15:9-10). We can have both peace and courage as followers of God, even in a dangerous world.

Image of four people walking into a church with text from 1 Cor. 16:13-14, WEB version: "Watch! Stand firm in the faith! Be courageous! Be strong! Let all that you do be done in love." — Image by Pearl from Lightstock

Courage to Keep Going

I promised in the introduction that “don’t panic” isn’t just a sci-fi reference. It’s also a quote from the Bible. After Moses’s death, God entrusted Joshua with leading the Israelite people into the promised land. Joshua had seen all the things this people put Moses through in the 40 years since they’d left Egypt. He’d also spied out the land they were heading into, and knew the dangers they’d face there. The last time they’d tried to go into this land, Joshua had been confident that God would fight for them (Num. 14:6-8). Still, it’s understandable that he might have some worries now. God makes sure to address those worries when speaking with Joshua.

No one will be able to resist you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not abandon you or leave you alone. Be strong and brave! You must lead these people in the conquest of this land that I solemnly promised their ancestors I would hand over to them. Make sure you are very strong and brave! Carefully obey all the law my servant Moses charged you to keep. Do not swerve from it to the right or to the left, so that you may be successful in all you do. This law scroll must not leave your lips. You must memorize it day and night so you can carefully obey all that is written in it. Then you will prosper and be successful. I repeat, be strong and brave! Don’t be afraid and don’t panic, for I, the Lord your God, am with you in all you do.
Joshua 1:5-9, NET

What an incredible message of reassurance! Look how many times God says, “Be strong and brave,” and the reasons He gives for that courage and strength. “Don’t be afraid and don’t panic,” God says, “For I, the Lord your God, am with you in all you do.” And this wasn’t just a one-time promise to Joshua. We’ve also received promises from the Lord, saying, “I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you” (Heb. 13:5, WEB).

In Romans, Paul asks the rhetorical question, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” The answer, obvious to anyone whose been paying attention to the Old Testament record, Jesus’s gospel message, and Paul’s writings so far is that nothing can stand against us when God is with us in all that we do (Rom. 8:28-39).

Courage Thinking of the Future

Image of a woman reading a Bible with the blog's title text and the words "God promises He'll be with us. If we can remember that–if it really sinks in and feels real to us–then panicking will be the farthest thing from our minds." — Image by Pearl from Lightstock

Remember near the beginning when I said the Feast of Tabernacles reminds us there will be a time when “our earthly house of this tabernacle” will be replaced with a spirit body (2 Cor. 5:1, KJV)? Paul also talks about courage in this section of scripture. We live in temporary bodies, just like the Israelites lived in temporary shelters while traveling from Egypt to the Promised Land. We need courage to keep heading toward our own promise of a better future.

For we know that if our earthly house, the tent we live in, is dismantled, we have a building from God, a house not built by human hands, that is eternal in the heavens. … For we groan while we are in this tent, since we are weighed down, because we do not want to be unclothed, but clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave us the Spirit as a down payment. Therefore we are always full of courage, and we know that as long as we are alive here on earth we are absent from the Lord— for we live by faith, not by sight. Thus we are full of courage and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So then whether we are alive or away, we make it our ambition to please him.
1 Corinthians 5:1, 4-9, NET

Our hope for the future contextualizes our present worries. If I’m worried about what someone might think of me, it helps to remember that ultimately God’s the one whose opinion matters most. If I’m worried about a health concern, it’s a comfort to remember that my body is temporary and God plans to give me a better one. If I’m worried something’s going to go horribly wrong, it’s encouraging to remember God won’t let me go through anything by myself.

When it comes from God, “Don’t panic” is advice we have good reason to follow. He’s the Creator, the Sovereign Lord, the God of armies in heaven, the One in charge of how the whole story ends. He promises He’ll be with us. If we can remember that–if it really sinks in and feels real to us–then panicking will be the farthest thing from our minds. That doesn’t mean we’ll never feel worry or even panic, but it does put us in the mindset to welcome in the peace Jesus and Paul promise will guard our mins.

–

Featured image by Claudine Chaussé from Lightstock

Song Recommendation: “Whom Shall I Fear [God Of Angel Armies]” by Chris Tomlin

Still Struggling Even When Life Is Good? It’s Not Just You

7 July, 20217 July, 2021Marissa

Do you ever feel like everything’s going really, really well in all the parts of your life except inside your head? That’s where I’ve been at for a while now. I started grad school and that’s going really well. I’m teaching and tutoring a wide range of ages and subjects and that’s going really well. I have great relationships with my parents and siblings, I’m getting a new sister next year when my brother gets married, and I have a stable, supportive church family. It’s all fantastic. This is probably the best my life has ever been.

And yet, I keep finding myself sinking into depression and struggling with anxiety. What if all this goes away? Going to grad school was always my back-up plan and if that doesn’t work I don’t have anything in mind to fall back on. I look at what’s going on in the world today, and I don’t really have a lot of confidence that society’s going to remain stable. I tell myself that I’m okay with being 32 and single–that I’m not sure I even want a relationship at this point–but then I feel like I might be lying to myself. So I start worrying, and then I feel guilty for worrying, and then I worry about how my glumness is affecting the people around me. And when people who care about me notice there’s something wrong I struggle to tell them what’s wrong because there’s no good reason for all this worry.

This post isn’t just about me sharing my struggles, though. I’m going to be okay–I’m seeing a counselor again a couple times a month to help get myself back on track with my mental health. My reason for writing today is to get us thinking about how to work through the guilt, shame, and disconnected feeling that can go along with having mental health struggles when everything in life seems to be going well. I often hear people talk about how it’s normal to struggle with depression and anxiety when things in your life aren’t good, or recommendations to focus on the positive and get engaged with your life so those feelings will go away on their own. But what if things are already good, and you are engaged with all the positive things in your life, and you still struggle? That can be “normal” too. Not normal in the sense that it’s a good thing to stay there, but normal in the sense that there are lots of other people struggling with it as well.

Fighting the Battles in our Heads

Some time ago, I wrote a post called “Fighting Something You Can’t See.” I’ve been thinking about that idea recently, and I just went back and read what I wrote three years ago. Near the end of that post, I said, “It’s so hard for me to turn anxiety over to God. In a way, letting go of the thoughts demanding constant attention doesn’t seem safe. … [but] God doesn’t want us to cower in the face of attacks inside our minds. He wants to help us fight back. Casting our anxieties on God frees us to let Him help us fight the real battle behind all the other struggles we face.” Past-me had some wise advice, and I think I need to tell myself this once again.

This idea that God wants us to keep trusting Him during the tough times is also something I’ve been studying recently, sort of by accident. It came up when I was reading Peter’s letters as part of studying for the next post in my new series on the general epistles (you can read my post on James here). Peter spends a lot of time, especially in his first letter, reminding people that confronting trials is a normal part of being a Christian and that the source of those is the adversary, the devil who stalks about like a lion seeing to devour God’s people. Peter is also very clear that, with God’s help, we can resist this adversary.

And God will exalt you in due time, if you humble yourselves under his mighty hand by casting all your cares on him because he cares for you. Be sober and alert. Your enemy the devil, like a roaring lion, is on the prowl looking for someone to devour. Resist him, strong in your faith, because you know that your brothers and sisters throughout the world are enduring the same kinds of suffering. And, after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory in Christ will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him belongs the power forever. Amen.
1 Peter 5:6-11, NET

May grace and peace be lavished on you as you grow in the rich knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord!
I can pray this because his divine power has bestowed on us everything necessary for life and godliness through the rich knowledge of the one who called us by his own glory and excellence.
2 Peter 1:2-3, NET

God gives us tools for success. He does not promise we won’t face trials or that we will not need to fight battles. Rather, He says He’ll be with us through those things. James and Peter even agree that we can have joy during the challenges and trials we face. That joy comes from us having faith faith and hope that provide context for understanding what we’re going through (James 1:2-3; 1 Peter 1:3-9).

Practical Steps We Can Take

It’s all very well to talk about having faith, hope, and joy when we face trials and using the tools God gives us, but how does that work in real life? As I think most Christians who struggle with mental health issues can attest, it’s not like we haven’t tried praying about these things. We know we’re supposed to turn things over to God and stop worrying, but if you’re like me you’re not really sure how to do that.

I’m going to share a few tips now for practical steps that we can take. Some of these work for me already, while others are recommendations that others have shared and which I’m working on trying out. It’s not an exhaustive list, and since we’re all so different they won’t all work for everyone. I hope, though, that you’ll find something here that’s helpful for you or which sparks an idea of something that might help.

Practice mindfulness. My dad, sister, and counselor have all stressed this to me recently. It’s not a good idea to live in the fearful “what ifs” of the future. They might not happen at all, and we don’t really have control over them anyways. As Jesus says, “So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own” (Matt. 6:34, NET). Being mindful of the present is a conscious choice/effort. It’s part of taking “every thought captive to make it obey Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5, NET).
Keep the context in mind. When we’re struggling with something inside our minds, we need to remember that we’re not alone and that this is a very real fight. Paul counsels us to remember that “though we live as human beings, we do not wage war according to human standards, for the weapons of our warfare are not human weapons, but are made powerful by God for tearing down strongholds,” including ones inside our own minds (2 Cor. 10:1-5, NET). When you feel like your mind’s under attack or like you’re fighting against something, you’re not going crazy. We are fighting in spiritual battles, and we are not doing it alone. Remind yourself of this, and go to God in prayer. Ask Him to keep His promise to fight alongside you.
Sing and praise. One way to counter the dark things inside our minds is to speak light out of our mouths. Did Paul and Silas sing in prison because they were so happy to be there, or because they knew that praise would connect them with God, who is the source of the strength and joy they’d need to get through this? (Acts 16:24-26). I’m not sure, but I’m starting to suspect that it’s not very helpful to try and muster up joy silently when we’re struggling. We need to speak/sing to God whether we feel like it or not, and then the joy may follow that. I know I tend to feel better when I sing and listen to Christian music, but I’ve gotten away from that recently. Today as I write this, I’m listening to a lot of Jean Watson and I find that music very uplifting. I also find Jason Gray’s “Sparrows” very fitting for how I feel right now.
Talk with someone. I know it’s tempting to keep everything to yourself and not let people know how much you’re struggling. But the people who love you would rather have you let them know what’s going on and how they can help and support you than to have you struggle on your own. And if you don’t have anyone you can talk with (or even if you do have someone but your struggles are still having a negative impact on your life), I highly encourage you to seek professional counseling. Click here to start searching for therapists in your area.

Those are the four things I’m using right now to try and work through the anxiety and depression that I’ve been dealing with recently. I’d love to hear from anyone else who wants to share their experiences in the comments or who has advice for others going through similar things. What tips do you have for maintaining a focus on God and holding on to joy during times of inner struggle?

Featured image by StockSnap from Pixabay

What Do You Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough?

22 October, 201929 October, 2019Marissa

Have you ever read one of those self-help books, articles, or blogs that encourages you to think you’re enough? That who you are is “good enough” and you don’t have to keep trying to measure up to an impossible standard?

I’m sure for some people this is encouraging. But what about when you don’t feel good enough?

If you’re really struggling with feelings of unworthiness, then just hearing assurances that you really are good enough isn’t going to help much. Positive affirmations have their place but they can’t dislodge or replace thoughts that are really rooted into your mind. They’re not a substitute for personal growth work and (in some cases) getting help from a professional therapist.

So what do you do when you feel like you’re unworthy? How do you change things when you think you aren’t “good enough” and this belief is part of what defines you?

Figure out where this thought came from

When you struggle with ongoing feelings of unworthiness, combating the voice that says “I’m not good enough” can often be easier when we understand where it’s coming from.

Therapist Karyl McBride says, “this message of unworthiness” usually “goes back to the family of origin” (“Do You Feel Not Good Enough?”). At some point, someone or something that had a deep impact on your formation as a person put the message “you’re not good enough” inside you. It may have been deliberate or accidental, but the fact remains many people picked up the idea that they’re unworthy from other people while they were growing up. Read more →

Take Care of Yourself and Feel Everything

8 April, 2019Marissa

How much time do you spend taking care of yourself? I’m starting to realize self-care really is important. In fact, one might argue it’s vital if you want to keep functioning. Of course you don’t want to develop a self-centered attitude, but meeting your own needs isn’t selfish. In fact, it’s kind of a prerequisite for being unselfish because you can’t be there for other people if you’re worn so thin there’s nothing left to give.

I backed a Kickstarter last week called “Own Your Stigma – A Pin Series.” The creator lives with anxiety, depression, and ADHD and wanted to make a series of enamel pins for other people with an invisible illness. The Kickstarter is closed now, but they’ll be opening up for other pre-orders within a few days if you’re interested. I’m not quite sure which ones I’m going to order yet, but I’m strongly leaning toward this one after the week I’ve had:

I talk about my anxiety pretty openly now. But I have a much harder time talking about my depression. For some reason, admitting I struggle with that washes me in a sense of shame that I don’t really feel anymore in connection with anxiety. So it’s not all that easy for me to write that for the past six days I’ve been barely functioning because even though nothing happened that would explain me feeling depressed I just emotionally “crashed.”

I probably won’t be ordering this particular pin style, but this past week climbing out of bed or talking with people did feel like something I might deserve a ribbon for.

It’s amazing how “little things” that seem so easy when you’re not walking around in an apathetic fog or feeling like you could fall asleep any moment suddenly become well-nigh impossible Writing, cooking, eating, driving, interacting with people — they’ve all felt incredibly difficult. But there are some things I’ve just had to keep doing, like meeting certain work deadlines, eating food, and going to church. I know that if I miss those things I’ll feel worse and/or it will have long-term negative effects on things that are important to me when I do care. So I made myself get them done.

Still, even though there are some things you just have to keep doing when you’re down, I don’t think it’s good to push yourself to do all things you’d be doing if you felt fine. It’s okay to crawl back in bed for a while when you feel like you can’t sit upright a moment longer. It’s okay to feel sad, guilty, confused, anxious, etc. even if it’s for no reason that you can identify. Which brings us to one pin I definitely want to get from this series:

The text on this pin reads “feel everything.” I’m becoming a firm believer in this. I certainly don’t mean you should let your emotions control you or that your feelings are always going to tell you something that’s good for you. But I do think it’s vital that we let ourselves feel what we’re feeling and learn to process those emotions in a healthy way. Bottling things up and refusing to address them doesn’t usually make them go away. It just lets them build up until you’re forced to deal with a whole messy jumble of emotions farther down the road.

So let’s all make the time to take care of ourselves and give ourselves permission to feel everything. And maybe we can all learn together how to process the tough things and help each other when we’re struggling.

If you like the pins I’ve talked about in this post, then make sure you check out Snarky Co. Here’s a link to their Instagram.

Featured image credit: Foundry Co via Pixabay

Crash Course In Ecclesiastes

3 November, 20187 February, 2025Marissa

It’s always puzzled me why so many people think of Ecclesiastes as depressing. For me as a teenager, it provided a map for navigating my way out of depression. Of course, I’m not saying it’s a magic cure for mental illness, but if you’re struggling with questions about the meaning of life or frustrated with how pointless it all seems, this book can provide a great deal of hope.

The book of Ecclesiastes contains the reflections of a deep thinker who works through an existential crisis. This sort of crisis happens when an individual starts to question whether their life (or life in general) has any purpose, meaning, or value. Solomon wrestled with these questions and records his thoughts for us to learn, as he did, that true meaning and purpose can only be found in God.

Ecclesiastes is one of those books that it’s not a good idea to read isolated pieces from. That’s one way you end up thinking there are few spiritual lessons in this book or misinterpreting its message. The whole thing is interconnected, with layers of thoughts building on each other as Solomon goes back and forth asking questions and contemplating possible answers. It’s vital that we look at this piece of writing as a whole before we start to dive deep into individual passages.

Cycles of Futility …

“Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher; “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity” (Ecc. 1:2 , unless otherwise noted, all quotes are from the WEB version). Thus the book of Ecclesiastes opens, and Solomon will repeat this phrase throughout and in the conclusion (Ecc. 12:8). He presents everything in life as vanity, or hebel (H1892) — a vapor/breath; a transitory or unsatisfactory thing. That might seem like a depressing outlook, but can you really look at the world and say he’s wrong? Do things of this life last? Do they make sense? Is this world satisfying? Not on its own.

All things are full of weariness beyond uttering. The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. That which has been is that which shall be; and that which has been done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 1:8-9, WEB

With a few thousand more years of history to look back on than Solomon had, we can see the truth of these statements. Nothing really changes. We’re not advancing toward a utopia. People just keep making the same mistakes over and over again, which looks to Solomon like cycles of futility and meaninglessness. Oh, there are technology advances and improvements in our lives, but people stay the same.

… Become Cycles of Hope

Having come to this conclusion about life, Solomon tries to resolve his existential crisis by looking for some kind of meaning. He says, “I applied my heart to seek and to search out by wisdom concerning all that is done under the sky” (Ecc. 1:13). He indulged in all sorts of sensory pleasures, amassed wealth, and created created great things but it was also vanity.

Next, he tried out wisdom and folly to compare the two, and found “that wisdom excels folly as far as light excels darkness” (Ecc. 2:13). But the wise and foolish both die. They can’t keep what they worked for or guarantee what they leave behind will have any effect. At this point, Solomon “hated life” and says, “I began to cause my heart to despair concerning all the labor which I had labored” (Ecc. 2:17, 20). Even realizing that you can have wisdom, knowledge, and joy in your life if you please God seems to him like “vanity and chasing after wind” (Ecc. 2:26). But now we come to the first part of Solomon’s ruminations where he glimpses hope.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven … He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in their hearts, yet so that man can’t find out the work that God has done from the beginning even to the end.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 11, WEB

Solomon realizes that God is the one who made the cycles of time. What Solomon initially saw as hopeless repetition he now recognizes as beautiful (Ecc. 3:1-11). Solomon sees that it is a gift from God that we can do good and enjoy this life. He knows that God has a plan in place and that the righteous and wicked will be judged (Ecc. 3:12-17).

Crash Course In Ecclesiastes | LikeAnAnchor.com — Photo credit: Lamppost Collective via Lightstock

But What About Death?

Existential crises aren’t that easy to resolve, though, and Solomon still has questions. He’s accepted that God has a purpose for how the world keeps on turning. He knows that this life can be seen as a gift. but what about after you die? In Ecc. 3:18-22, Solomon concludes that humans die just like animals, and who knows whether their spirits really go to different places? Maybe this life is all we have and we should just make the most of it.

But that’s not a satisfactory answer either, since not everyone gets to enjoy this life. People oppress each other, and the oppressed have no comfort. People envy each other, live lonely lives, and there’s no end to the people who keep being born and dying in this fallen world. Solomon even suggests it would be better to never be born than to live and see all the evil that fills this world (Ecc. 4:1-16).

Immediately, the conversation turns. Solomon says, “Don’t be rash with your mouth and don’t let you heart be hasty to utter anything before God” (Ecc. 5:2). Perhaps he knows that’s what he’d been doing, as his thoughts ran away with fears and questions.

Don’t allow your mouth to lead you into sin. … For in the multitude of dreams there are vanities, as well as in many words: but you must fear God.
Ecclesiastes 5:6-7, WEB

Solomon knows God has a plan and the times are in His hands — he just needs to find a way to trust Him. He desperately wants to make sense of what’s going on in his life, in the world, and in the afterlife (if there is one).

Letting Death Give Us Perspective

Even with this reminder not to jump to hasty conclusions, Solomon continues to struggle. Everything people strive for in this life still seems futile to him. Sure you can enjoy it in this life, but you can’t take it with you when you go. Then we come to another major turning point in Solomon’s thought process. Instead of seeing death as the thing which robs life of meaning, he proposes that we use death to give us perspective on life. There truly is value in a good life well-lived and there is a future worth striving for. I talked about this section of Ecclesiastes in-depth last week, so if you haven’t read it yet here’s a link: “Letting Death Give Us Perspective On Life.”

As we continue in chapter 7, Solomon counsels to avoid extremes. Even a good thing like wisdom can drive you crazy if you “make yourself overly wise” (Ecc. 7:11-2, 16). We can’t make sense of everything or know the future (7:23-25). “There is no man who has power over the spirit to contain the spirit; neither does he have power over the day of death” (Ecc. 8:8). Because this is true we need to beware of hasty judgements, offenses, and conclusions. Rather, focus on fearing God (Ecc. 7:18).

Though a sinner commits crimes a hundred times, and lives long, yet surely I know that it will be better with those who fear God, who are reverent before him. But it shall not be well with the wicked, neither shall he lengthen days like a shadow; because he doesn’t fear God.
Ecclesiastes 8:12-13, WEB

Life’s Absurd, Enjoy It Anyway

We’re approaching the end of the book now and Solomon presents a revised conclusion: that we should live life to the fullest even though it’s absurd. We can’t predict the future, we can’t control anything, and we’ll be better off if we just live well and try not to overthink things (Ecc. 9:7-12).

Of course, overthinking things is something we humans are very good at. Solomon continues comparing wisdom and folly, and continues coming up against the conclusion that wisdom is far better. Chapter 10 reads much like part of Proverbs, and it leads into the final conclusions of Ecclesiastes.

Practice wisdom. Remember “you don’t know the words of God who does all.” Don’t get distracted or complacent. Keep working and living (Ecc. 11:5-6). Balance is key — rejoice in all your years but also “remember the days of darkness” that help give perspective. Remember that “God will bring you into judgement” for all you do, so put off both sorrow and evil (Ecc. 11:8-10). He’s now speaking most pointedly to young people, urging them to “remember your Creator” today, before life gets harder or trials come or you grow old and full of regrets (Ecc. 12:1-6).

Now Let Us Hear The Conclusion

Here at the end is where Solomon finally answers his earlier question, “Who know the spirit of man, whether it goes upward?” (Ecc. 3:21).

Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth … before the silver cord is severed, or the golden bowl is broken, or the pitcher is broken at the spring, or the wheel broken at the cistern, and the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.
Ecclesiastes 12:1, 6-7, WEB

Solomon has reached the point where he has a confident assurance that there is life after death and God will sort-out everything that doesn’t make sense now. I suspect, and Matthew Henry’s commentary agrees, that Solomon wrote this in old age, hoping that his young audience would heed his wisdom without feeling the need to themselves experiment with life as he did.

Solomon shared what he learned from wresting with questions and doubts so others wouldn’t have to. This also seems to be when he put together the book of Proverbs (Ecc. 12:9-10). As Ecclesiastes wraps up, he admonishes young people not to study too widely, for not all the information out there is good (12:11-12). Better to stick with “the words of the wise” which “have been given by one Shepherd” (Ecc. 12:11, TLV).

This is the end of the matter. All has been heard. Fear God, and keep his commandments; for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every work into judgment, with every hidden thing, whether it is good, or whether it is evil.
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14, WEB

It’s so nice to have such a straight-forward conclusion at the end of such a deep, complex book. Here, Solomon tells us in no uncertain terms what the point of Ecclesiastes is. From it, we’re to learn that fearing God and keeping his commandments is man’s whole duty and that God will judge all our works.

Tag: encouragement