We Need To Watch Our Words

7 December, 20246 December, 2024Marissa

In the aftermath of another polarizing United States election, I think it’s a good time to revisit the topic of how God’s people should use language, especially when speaking about other people. Even though most of us in the U.S. agree) that there aren’t any really good politicians we could vote for, we often have very strong opinions about which is the “lesser of two evils” and equally strong opinions about people who come to a different conclusion than we ourselves did. These other people are very likely in a similar position to us, not agreeing 100% with either candidate but coming to a different conclusion about which option is a little better.

There’s a temptation to mock, belittle, and despise others who vote differently than us or have different viewpoints (whether or not they chose to vote). But when we stand before Christ, we will answer for every idle or worthless word we speak (Matt. 12:36), the times we judged, despised and condemned other people (Matt. 5:22; Rom. 14:10), and our coarse jesting or foolish talking (Eph. 5:4). Our thoughtless, angry words or the things we excuse by saying, “I was just joking,” might be something that God takes very seriously.

Today, we’re going to look at three key areas where we need to be careful about what we say: 1) passing judgement on others, 2) despising them or calling them foolish, and 3) coarse jesting. Finally, we’ll look at one overriding principle for how we ought to interact with other people: love.

Image of a man and woman having a business discussion overlaid with text from Matt. 12:36-37, NET version: " I tell you that on the day of judgment, people will give an account for every worthless word they speak. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." — Image by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi from Pixabay

Passing Judgement

There’s a difference between passing judgement (condemning) and making a judgement call (discernment). That’s one reason that you see seemingly contradictory scriptures like “Judge not” (Matt. 7:1) and “judge righteous judgement” (John 7:24). We must be careful not to usurp a role that God reserves for Himself as judge, and so bring harsher judgement on ourselves (Matt. 7:1-5; James 2:13).

Now receive the one who is weak in the faith, and do not have disputes over differing opinions. One person believes in eating everything, but the weak person eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not despise the one who does not, and the one who abstains must not judge the one who eats everything, for God has accepted him.Who are you to pass judgment on another’s servant? Before his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. …

But you who eat vegetables only—why do you judge your brother or sister? And you who eat everything—why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. For it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee will bow to me, and every tongue will give praise to God.”Therefore, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore we must not pass judgment on one another, but rather determine never to place an obstacle or a trap before a brother or sister.
Romans 14:1-4, 10-13 NET (bold italics mark a quotation from Isa 45:23)

Here, Paul used the example of disagreements about what we should or shouldn’t eat to make a point. When you disagree with someone about an opinion, your duty as a Christian is to refrain from passing judgement or despising them. Rather, you should guard your behavior to make sure you’re not putting a stumbling block in front of them.

To be clear, this does not mean we can’t make judgement calls about sinful actions. It is love (agape) to point out a sin in a fellow Christian for the purpose of restoring someone to a right relationship with fellow believers and with God (Matt 18:15-22; 2 Tim. 2:24-26). Our goal should always be restoration rather than condemnation, even when we have to stop associating with someone because they refuse to repent (1 Cor. 5). Even when Paul ” judged the one who” committed “the kind of immorality that is not permitted even among the Gentiles” (1 Cor. 5:1-2, NET), it wasn’t to mock the sinner or call them names. We should be grieved by other’s sins and moved by love to help them reach a point of repentance. How much more, then, should we withhold condemnation when we disagree with someone on an opinion?

Image of two older men talking overlaid with text from Col. 4:6, NET version: "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer everyone." — Image by pxby666 from Pixabay

Despising Others

When someone disagrees with us on something we see as important, fails to see our point of view, or cannot be convinced by our arguments, the natural human response is to label them a fool. But despising someone else, particularly a “brother” (either by blood or because they’re fellow children of God), is not the way Jesus said to do things.

“You have heard that it was said to an older generation, ‘Do not murder,’ and ‘whoever murders will be subjected to judgment.’ But I say to you that anyone who is angry with a brother will be subjected to judgment. And whoever insults a brother will be brought before the council, and whoever says ‘Fool’ will be sent to fiery hell.”
Matthew 5:21-22, NET (bold italics mark a quotation from Exod 20:13; Deut 5:17)

Let’s look at two of the original words used in this passage. “Whoever insults a brother” could also be translated, “whoever says to his brother ‘Raca,'” which is “an Aramaic word of contempt or abuse meaning ‘fool’ or ’empty head'” (NET footnote “b” on Matt. 5:22). The word translated “fool” is the Greek moros, which is where the English word “moron” comes from. Most scholars assume it means “you fool” but a few argue it could mean “rebel” (NET footnote “e” on Matt. 5:22). God holds His followers to a high standard of conduct, higher even than what was outlined in the Old Testament laws like “do not murder.”

Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work. They must not slander anyone, but be peaceable, gentle, showing complete courtesy to all people. For we too were once foolish, disobedient, misled, enslaved to various passions and desires, spending our lives in evil and envy, hateful and hating one another.
Titus 3:1-3, NET

In Paul’s letter to Titus, he instructs this pastor to remind the people he’s teaching that they need to be mindful of their speech. Specifically, “they must not slander” (“‘discredit,’ ‘damage the reputation of'” [NET translators’ note]) anyone. This verse is also translated with the instruction, “to speak evil of no one” (Tit. 3:2, WEB). When we’re considering how to talk about someone else, we must remember that if we think someone is foolish, misled, evil, or hateful that we were once like that too, and we’re not supposed to be like that anymore now that we have God’s spirit and have committed to following Him. We have to stop talking out of bitterness or malice, and remove slander and insults from our speech (Eph. 4:31-32; 1 Peter 3:9).

Image of two women sitting on park benches smiling at each other overlaid with text from Eph. 4:31-32, NET version: "You must put away all bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and slanderous talk—indeed all malice. Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you." — Image by svklimkin from Pixabay

Coarse Jesting

Humor is such a tricky subject (as I mentioned in my newsletter earlier this week). One person might find something hilarious that another person would find offensive, repulsive, or hurtful. What people find funny varies between cultures and individuals. Because it’s so subjective, people often say that if someone is offended by our humor they just “didn’t get the joke” or they “need to lighten up.” But just because we find something funny doesn’t mean it can’t hurt someone else. All too often, people use humor to cover up the fact that they’re being mean or thoughtless. Jokes that hinge on cruelly mocking, belittling, and hurting people shouldn’t be something we find funny.

You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it would give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. You must put away all bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and slanderous talk—indeed all malice.Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.

Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints.Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting—all of which are out of character—but rather thanksgiving. For you can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Ephesians 4:29-5:5, NET

In this passage, Paul covers a lot of sins that are related to our speech. These include:

“unwholesome word” (translated from sapros [G4550] and logos [G3056])– “unwholesome” refers to something that’s corrupt, rotten, putrefied, or worthless and “word” is speech or communication. Hebrews 13:5 tells us the “fruit of our lips” should praise God and acknowledge his name, but this is the opposite: disgusting, rotting, foul words.
“vulgar speech” (translated from aischrotes [G151])–obscenity, filthiness. Comprises “improper conduct whether in action or word or even thought and intent” that brings shame when it is “exposed by the light” (Zodhiates).
“foolish talk” (translated from morologia [G3473])–“silly talk, that is, buffoonery” (Strong). It’s from the same Greek root word as our English word “moron.” This is the “type of speech that betrays a person as foolish” (Zodhiates).
“coarse jesting” (translated from eutrapelia [G2160])–in a bad sense, this word for “humor” includes “scurrility, ribaldry, low jesting” (Thayer). Basically, it is someone skilled at twisting their words wittily, which can be used to amuse others or to manipulate (Zodhiates).

Clearly, there are some types of humor that God would not excuse as “just a joke.” If the words we’re speaking are rotten and disgusting, improper or shameful, moronic and foolish, or twisted to amuse others with coarse or scurrilous jests, then they’re not funny–they’re sinful. And right after telling us these things are wrong, Paul warns that we “can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God” (Eph. 5:5, NET). This is a very serious matter. People who misuse their words to hurt others are not going to be in God’s kingdom.

Love

Image of a woman leaning over a table and talking, overlaid with blog's title text and the words, "As Christians, we should avoid passing judgement on others, despising them or calling them foolish, and coarse jesting. Instead, all our words should be
motivated by love." — Image by Thiemo Brand from Pixabay

Now that we’ve looked at scriptures telling us what not to do with our words, let’s turn our attention to what we ought to do instead. It’s not enough to just take the ungodly types of speech out of our conversation; we also have to put godly speech in. Thankfully, there are plenty of guidelines in the bible for how to do that.

Some of the verses we’ve already looked at include instructions on how we should talk right alongside the instructions about what not to say. In Titus, Paul said, “be peaceable, gentle, showing complete courtesy to all people” (Tit. 3:2, NET). In Ephesians, he said, “be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another” (Eph. 4:32, NET). And if we keep reading in Romans 14, we come to this passage:

Therefore we must not pass judgment on one another, but rather determine never to place an obstacle or a trap before a brother or sister. … For if your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy by your food someone for whom Christ died. Therefore do not let what you consider good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God does not consist of food and drink, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit
Romans 14:13, 15-17 NET

Here, Paul continues addressing the disagreement about whether to eat meat, the principle applies to how we interact with each other through our words as well. Peace, gentleness, courtesy, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, righteousn0ess, joy–all those should be characteristics of our speech. It’s summed-up by the second greatest commandment: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:36-40).

“I give you a new commandment—to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.Everyone will know by this that you are my disciples—if you have love for one another.”
John 15:34-35, NET

We’re supposed to love our fellow Christians so much that people observing our interactions can tell that we’re followers of Jesus Christ. And it isn’t confined just to fellow Christians: it’s for our neighbors as well (i.e. anyone we’re aware of and have any sort of interaction with). As Paul said in Romans (shortly before the passage about not judging those with different opinions), “Love does no wrong to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law” (Rom. 13:10, NET). Unless we’re loving “in deed and truth” as well as in our words, we’re not Jesus’s disciples (1 John 3:18, NET; see 1 John 3:10-18; 4:20-21).

All of our words, thoughts, and actions have to be motivated by love. That’s how God is, and that’s how He wants us to be. Will we do it perfectly? Of course not, but we still need to try. We also need to study the Bible, learn what God expects from us (i.e. how to become more like Him and to walk in obedience with Him), and repent when we catch ourselves missing the mark. Ultimately, the goal is to “take every thought captive to make it obey Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5, NET) and then to speak out of the abundance of good and godly things in our hearts “for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned”(Matt. 12:37, NET; see Matt. 12:33-37).

Featured image by Petra from Pixabay

Song Recommendation: “Speak Life” by TobyMac

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An Introvert’s Guide To Hosting A New Year’s Party

30 December, 201827 December, 2018Marissa

I always spend New Year’s Eve with my sister and cousin. There’s just the three of us, but we call it a party anyway. The tradition started with my cousin’s family hosting much larger New Year’s parties, and then after those went away the three of us just kept spending New Years together.

Though one of us (my cousin) is an ENFP, our New Year’s parties are very much something you could describe as introverted. There’s a small number of people and the party activities are generally relaxed, stay-at-home sorts of things. And because our sort of New Year’s party is clearly the best kind there is, I’ve made this helpful little guide to help other introverts (and those who like “introverted” parties) to host their own.

How To Host An Introverted New Year’s Party

Step One: Decline all invitations to traditional New Year’s parties.

Step Two: Find a small number of people you enjoy being around and who will get along well with each other. Read more →

The Scarlet Letter

10 November, 201420 March, 2018Marissa

I’ve never been a big fan of classic American literature (unless it was written by Mark Twain). I don’t really have fond memories of any of the American lit I had to read in high school fondly, and in college the only ones I remember enjoying were Puddin’ Head Wilson by Mark Twain, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and House Behind the Cedars by Charles Chestnut (and they still didn’t intrigue me like the British literature).

So when I agreed to teach my homeschooled younger brother’s high school literature class, I had quite a bit of extra reading to do in preparation for American lit this year. This is the main reason there’s a collection of Edgar Allen Poe on my Classics Club Book list, and why I’m re-reading Tom Sawyer. I also added a few other works by American authors, just because I felt like I “should” read them.

Reading The Scarlet Letter

Case in point: Nathaniel Hawthorn’s The Scarlet Letter. This is one of the books that I didn’t read in high school because my mother hated that she was made to read it (this is the same reason I didn’t read any of Shakespeare’s tragedies until college). Certainly can’t fault her for that, since it doesn’t look like this book’s going to fit in my American literature course either (also, I’m just rebellious enough to feel like I don’t have to teach all the “inevitable” high school texts). I’m glad I finally read it, though, if for no other reason than to enjoy passages like this:

Amongst any other population, or at a later period in the history of New England, the grim rigidity that petrified the bearded physiognomies of these good people would have augured some awful business in hand. It could have betokened nothing short of the anticipated execution of some noted culprit, on whom the sentence of a legal tribunal had but confirmed the verdict of public sentiment. But, in that early severity of the Puritan character, an inference of this kind could not so indubitably be drawn.

Bearded physiognomies augur awful business — don’t they sound like the kind of people you’d want for your next-door neighbors?

Or how about this lovely description of the women, also from Chapter 2 where the town is assembled outside the jail awaiting Hester Prynne’s public disgrace for committing adultery:

Lillian Gish as Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter (1926)

It was a circumstance to be noted, on the summer morning when our story begins its course, that the women, of whom there were several in the crowd, appeared to take a peculiar interest in whatever penal infliction might be expected to ensue. The age had not so much refinement, that any sense of impropriety restrained the wearers of petticoat and farthingale from stepping forth into the public ways, and wedging their not unsubstantial persons, if occasion were, into the throng nearest to the scaffold at an execution. Morally, as well as materially, there was a coarser fibre in those wives and maidens of old English birth and breeding, than in their fair descendants, separated from them by a series of six or seven generations; for, throughout that chain of ancestry, every successive mother had transmitted to her child a fainter bloom, a more delicate and briefer beauty, and a slighter physical frame, if not a character of less force and solidity, than her own. The women, who were now standing about the prison-door, stood within less than half a century of the period when the man-like Elizabeth had been the not altogether unsuitable representative of the sex. They were her countrywomen; and the beef and ale of their native land, with a moral diet not a whit more refined, entered largely into their composition. The bright morning sun, therefore, shone on broad shoulders and well-developed busts, and on round and ruddy cheeks, that had ripened in the far-off island, and had hardly yet grown paler or thinner in the atmosphere of New England. There was, moreover, a boldness and rotundity of speech among these matrons, as most of them seemed to be, that would startle us at the present day, whether in respect to its purport or its volume of tone.

Isn’t this a flattering portrayal? (in case you were wondering, this is the best passage to read aloud to your younger siblings). In all seriousness, I did enjoy the way Hawthorne uses the English language. His humor is subtle, and so dry it’s almost impossible to laugh-out-loud, but it is in there if you’re paying enough attention not to over look it. In most of his character descriptions, like these women outside the jail, I get the impression of him raising is eyebrow and looking down his nose as he tells you about these poor “primitives.”

“A” is for Adultery

While a tight plot, command of language, and good writing are all things I look for in a novel, what always stands out most are the characters. Perhaps the most interesting character in this novel is Hester’s precocious little daughter, Pearl, whose keen intelligence and disregard for conventional behavior more than once leave Hester suspecting the child’s nature is part of her punishment for committing adultery. Just like she stands out in the town because Hester dresses her in bright colors (including scarlet, since Pearl is the embodiment of Hester’s scarlet letter), so she stands out as a bright spot in a novel that can otherwise be rather grim.

Speaking of Hester’s crime, I’ve heard Christian homeschoolers suggest that we shouldn’t teach books like The Scarlet Letter or The Great Gatsby since they deal with the concept of adultery. You can’t fault these books for “inappropriate scenes” (well, perhaps Gatsby depending on what age your teaching, but I think it’s age-appropriate by high school). It’s the subject matter in general which people find objectionable. But ignoring the fact that people sin certainly doesn’t make sin go away, and books like The Scarlet Letter force us to think about a subject like adultery and how we respond to that. There’s no question in the minds of Hester Prynne and Rev. Arthur Dimmesdale that what they did was wrong, and they spend most of the book miserable as a result of their actions. This is not a book that promotes adultery.

But it’s also not a book that lets you sit back and comfortably judge Hester. Her wronged husband is the most loathsome character in the book, and his reaction to his wife’s adultery is even more destructive than her initial “fall.” The townspeople aren’t easily let off the hook, either, and it is Hester — not her accusers or judges — who emerges as the strongest character. She is the one in the town who gives the most selflessly of her time and meager resources, and she is the only character whose mind escapes from the confines of Hawthorne’s depiction of Puritan thought. She’s far more than simply the woman wearing the scarlet letter, and because her sins are out in the open, she has a chance at the forgiveness and peace that so completely eludes Dimmesdale and her husband.

It is my opinion that Arthur Dimmesdale is one of the most unimpressive men in fiction. What sort of man lets the woman he supposedly loves bear public humiliation and raise their child alone, all while living in the same town? He’s so spineless that, at risk of sounding indelicate, I wondered exactly where he found enough passion or gumption to engage in an illicit love affair. He tells himself that he must keep the secret of his relationship with Hester so that he can continue serving God — for if the truth were known he would lose credibility as a minister. He’s so tormented by guilt that he beats himself and is making a half-hearted attempt at starving to death, but though he assures his parishioners that he’s a greater sinner than all of them, he knows this only makes him seem more devout in their eyes. There is nothing in him that I can admire.

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My Hair is a Sign?

7 July, 20143 February, 2021Marissa

As I’ve written before (see post “Breeding Red-heads“), my sister and I receive quite a number of comments on our red hair. These range from complementary to inappropriate; from harmless to creepy. I was starting to think I’ve heard at least one variation on most of the types of comments that people might make. This weekend, however, proved me wrong. My sister and I were visiting a Messianic group to spend Shabbat with them. The meeting hall for our regular church group has gotten so bad for my allergies that I can’t go back until they find a new building (I only stayed 10 minutes last time, and still my sister had to drive me home). I don’t want to be without fellowship, though, so I’m visiting other local Sabbath-keeping groups. Anyway,we were talking with a man who’d just introduced himself, and the conversation turned to our hair. There was much chattering and background noise, so I’m not entirely sure I caught all the conversation, but here’s the gist of what he said:

It’s so nice to see red-heads. So rare. Did you meet Emily? Yes? she dyed her hair red when we heard redheads will be extinct by 2050. To show she supported you. We never meet many red-heads you know? and now you are here, it’s a sign. For Jews, things happen in threes. Signs, you know? So Emily dying her hair was the first sign, and now two red heads appear here in our group. You are a sign!

Well, that’s the first time I’ve been called a sign. I have no idea what we might be a sign of, but he seemed pretty positive that’s what we were. (BTW, the red-head extinction theory is — thankfully — bogus.)

The Mystery of the Weigh Stations

16 June, 201415 June, 2014Marissa

I drove over 1,000 miles last weekend on the way to and from visiting a dear friend. On the way, I had ample opportunity to muse about the complexities and mysteries of life, including weigh stations.

You know what I mean — those little places along highways ostensibly built as “a checkpoint along a highway to inspect vehicular weights” (according to Wikipedia). But they’re never open. There’s usually a sign that says “weigh station” and then in glowing letters it says “closed.” I think prior to this trip I’d seen only one that was open and had a truck driving into it. Coming home I did see a weigh station sign with glowing letters that said “open,” but I never saw the weigh station. Very mysterious if you ask me.

And yes, I did do my research on this and found out about the electronic bypass systems with scales embedded in the road so trucks can be weighed without actually entering the weigh station. But the weigh stations are still there, mostly closed from what I’ve seen, and I wonder what they might be used for. Here are my top theories:

They are entrances to secret government facilities, hiding in plain sight like the purloined letter. And being a weigh station, even an out-of-use one, means no one would think it too terribly odd if a truck drove in and delivered secret something or others.
The entire weigh station thing is a cover for an alien invasion. They landed here and set up weigh stations, edited Wikepedia, and no one noticed because everyone assumed the stations were someone else’s jurisdiction.
42. It’s the answer to life, the universe, and everything, so I’m assuming that includes weigh stations.
They actually are what they claim to be, but have now been taken over by some kind of secret organization. I’m picturing men in floor-length cloaks with masks whispering “What’s the password?” and speaking in Latin.

view from my car of a weigh station I passed on the way home — view from my car of a closed weigh station I passed on the way home

Personally, I’m leaning toward number 2. But that might just be because I’m starting to get excited about Falling Skies coming back on the 22nd.

What are your off-the-wall or so-strange-it-just-might-be-real theories? Doesn’t have to be about weigh stations — could be anything that has the potential to be far more interesting than most people assume.

Breeding Red-Heads

30 September, 201330 September, 2013Marissa

Red-Head Complaints marissabaker.wordpress.com — my hair

I love having red hair. But there are times when I wish it wasn’t quite so unusual. No one walks up to other girls and says, “Wow, your hair is brunette” or “Your hair is so blond.” As if I didn’t already know I have red hair. Hair stylists tell me they have clients who would kill for my hair color (which is kinda creepy if you think about it– red hair isn’t that amazing).

The most awkward comments are those about how rare red hair is becoming. The first one I remember happened when I was only seven or eight years old and an elderly couple told my red-haired sister and me that we needed to marry red-headed men so we could preserve the red-head population. I’ve heard these types of comments several times since then, but the most awkward has to be the one we received last week.

My sister and three friends were about to jump out of a plane (don’t worry, they had parachutes). I convinced myself it was okay to be cowardly and tag along just to take pictures (after all, think how many books you could buy for the cost of a skydive!). We were all standing in the hanger, waiting on the instructors, when a guy who might have been in his 60s walked up to the desk. He looked over at my sister and I and commented on our red hair. But he wasn’t content to stop there, and continued by saying how rare red-heads are becoming. I braced myself for the inevitable comment about red-headed babies, but wasn’t quite ready for him to shout, “You should breed!”

I think my face turned as red as my hair.