• The INFJ Stare

    The INFJ Stare

    Last week, I noticed that one of the Google searches that led to my blog was “INFJ stare.” My reaction was, “We have a stare?” I immediately posted the question to Facebook and performed a Google search of my own. One of my friends sent me this image of the dreaded “INFJ Death Stare:”

    INFJ death stare

    Apparently, only non-INFJs consider this a “stare of death.” We INFJs don’t really think about it much at all until someone points it out. But other types do notice. In one forum I found, an ISTP asked, “What’s going on in your head when you do it? Why do INFJ girls stare at me after every other thing I say? It makes me feel like I’m creeping them out or something, but they continue to talk to me regardless how creepy I may/may not be.”

    What’s Going On Behind The Stare

    Among INFJs, the consensus is that we don’t meant to give you a death stare. It’s simply our default thinking expression. The INFJs who know that they stare actually spend quite a bit of time trying not to creep people out with it. We’re awkward enough as it is without having to worry about people asking why we’re giving them the death stare.

    This isn’t the same thing as “resting bitch face.” People don’t generally describe the INFJ death stare as being rude or angry. It’s just hard for other people to read. And once I’d read several comments along those line, I realized I do indeed have an INFJ stare. I just didn’t realize it at first because the people who’ve asked me about it generally describe it as “spacing out.”

    INFJ Eyes

    Benedict Cumberbatch Sherlock stareEven though there’s a “J” in INFJ, we’re a Perception-Dominant type Introverted intuition is a perceiving function, and that’s what we lead with (click here for more information about Myers-Briggs® Functions).

    According to an analysis on infjs.com, eyes are the “most prevailing part” of a perception-dominant type’s faces. The typical INFJ will maintain a very steady focus on people or objects for long stretches of time, and when we shift our gaze to something new our whole head turns to look. Of the infamous stare, this writer says, “The eyes fall into a dream-like state and stare off into the distance. The eyes will appear to be looking through the object of it’s focus, rather than being fixated on it.”

    One of the results that I found while looking up INFJ stares was an extensive two-part analysis of why Benedict Cumberbatch might be an INFJ. That’s where I found this gif. It’s no secret that I’m a fan of his, but this was a little over-the-top-obsessed even for me.  I did, however, find it an amusing read. It also demonstrates that INFJ eyes are apparently interesting enough that some people will spend hours of time analyzing them.

    Dealing With the Death Stare

    The INFJ Stare | LikeAnAnchor.com
    Photo credit: luxstorm via Pixabay

    While listening to a church service this past weekend, I realized I was making an effort to soften my eyes and smile a little instead of just staring at the speaker. I hadn’t really thought about before, but I have been trying to teach myself a more open and welcoming “default expression.” My sister once described this as my “interview face.” I suppose even though I hadn’t been thinking that I had a “death stare,” I still realized it made people uncomfortable and was trying to change it.

    If you’re an INFJ, you’re probably already trying not to make people uncomfortable with you’re staring (which also makes it more effective when you want to give someone a death stare, since they won’t have seen it before).

    If you’re talking to an INFJ and we do start staring off into the distance or through you, try not to be offended by it. We really don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. At least, not usually 😉

     

    Featured image credit: Free-Photos via Pixabay


    If you’d like to know more about the INFJ personality type, check out my book The INFJ Handbook. I just updated it with a ton of new information and resources. You can purchase it in ebook or paperback by clicking this link.

  • Who Is My Neighbor?

    Some time ago, I was reading through the parable of the good Samaritan, and asking much the same question as the certain lawyer who prompted the parable: “who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:25-37). The parable itself makes this answer pretty clear, but I still decided to look up the Greek word for “neighbor,” just to see if there was something I might have missed.

    The word is plesion (G4139). It means generally the same thing as our English word “neighbor,” someone who lives near us. Even so, I found the way Zodhiates phrases the definition in my study Bible worth sharing:

    It means neighbor, fellow man or fellow creature, indicating primarily an outward nearness or proximity. Occurs in Luke 10:29, the parable of the Good Samaritan, which teaches that he who is outwardly near us should be the object of our concern in spite of the fact that there are no ties of kindred or nation between us.

    Other words, if someone is anywhere near you — if you can see, hear, or know of them — they are your neighbor and you have a responsibility to them.

    Love Your Neighbor

    Thinking about this fact has made me feel guilty on numerous occasions. For example, I had classes with some people I disagreed with and flat-out didn’t like, but at least for the four hours a week that we were in the same classroom, they were my neighbors.

    Jesus Christ said, “the first and great commandment” is to “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.” The second commandemnt “is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.  On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets” (Matt. 37-40). The commands to love sum up a main message of the Bible.

    Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. (Romans 13:8-10)

    It is vitally important that we learn to love our neighbors. And not just the ones we like, because the same word for love — agape — is used when Jesus tells us, “Love your enemies” (Matt. 5:44).

    Learning to Love

    In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis said, “Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”  Acting as if we love a person is a better first step than trying to develop warm fuzzy feelings for someone we don’t like. The feelings we usually associate with love are optional, caring about the person’s well-being is not.

    Agape (G26) and its root word agapao (G25) are best defined as “affectionate regard, good will, benevolence.” They indicate “a direction of the will” and differ “from phileo (5368), to love, indicating feelings, warm affection” (Zodhiates). The agape kind of love can involve emotions, and frequently does, but it is more concerned with an active decision to care about the well being of another person. Love is a choice, and if we want to become like God, it is a choice we must learn to make.

  • Oriental Chicken Salad dressing recipe
    Oriental Chicken Salad

    Since the oven is still not working (the repair man said he should have it fixed this Friday), I had to come up with something other than blueberry cheesecake bars to post this week. I’ve had this salad dressing recipe for some time, but for lunch yesterday I decided to try something different.

    Instead of breading the chicken tenders, I marinaded the chicken in a mixture of soy sauce, rice wine, ginger, garlic, sesame oil, and little bit of red pepper. Thankfully the broiler is still working, so we were able to cook the chicken. My family agreed it tasted marvelous.

    The original dressing recipe came in the same e-mail that I got my General Tso’s Chicken recipe from. It’s the dressing for Applebee’s Oriental Chicken Salad. We usually serve the it over salad with rice noodles and sliced almonds.

    Oriental Salad Dressing

    Applebee's oriental chicken salad dressing
    Dressing before and after being mixed (I think it’s lumpy because I didn’t let the ingredients sit at room temperature. Still tastes good, though).

    1/3 cup honey

    3 tablespoons rice wine vinegar

    ½ cup mayonnaise

    2 teaspoon Grey Poupon Dijon mustard

    ¼ teaspoon sesame oil

    Prepare dressing ingredients by mixing in a small bowl. Refrigerate until ready to use.

  • Book cover: How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World: The Art of Living with Style, Class, and GraceI recently finished a delightful little book called How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World: The Art of Living with Style, Class, and Grass. It is written by a publicist for Warner Bros. Records named Jordan Christy. The basic idea behind the book is that in the years since Audrey Hepburn graced the silver screen, our culture has come to uphold standards of behavior that are simply unacceptable for smart girls to follow. This book sets out to show “modern ladies how they can be beautiful, intelligent, and fun while retaining values and morals.”

    One of the most welcome things about this book is that it is not a Christian guide to modesty. I’m not saying those types of books can’t be helpful, but it was refreshing to find a book written for women who want to (or have to) work in a business setting instead of on an idylic homestead. It tells girls you can be modern as well as feminine, that you don’t have to wear ankle-length skirts to be modest, and that acting like a lady can be fun instead of restrictive. I think it would be a great book to give girls who feel like the commonly presented Christian ideals of womanhood are shutting them out (for the record, this does not include me, but does describe some of my close friends).

    Just to be fair, there were some things I did not like about the book. In an effort (I assume) to keep the text relevant to modern readers, Christy uses many examples of actresses, characters, and reality shows. There were enough to become excessive (and I didn’t recognize most of them). Her writing style might also seem blunt and off-putting to some readers.

    Best Quotes

    Chapter 1: Keep Your Chin Up and Your Skirt Down

    “If we want [guys’] undivided attention for a bout 2.4 seconds, we should keep wearing our glittery minis and doing the bend-and-snap. But if we want a real relationship with a real gentleman, we should just keep being our smart, classy, fabulous selves.” Or, for those who’ve never worn a mini skirt in their lives, don’t be tempted to compromise.

    Chapter 2: Words, Words, Words

    This chapter advised reading and increasing our vocabularies so we can become better conversationalists. She also covers knowing when to speak and when to keep silent, quoting George Eliot: “Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.”

    Chapter 3: Use Some Elbow Grease

    “Unfortunately, that hard-work-doesn’t-hurt mentality appears to be in short supply these days. Why? It’s become painfully clear that our society just doesn’t support a sincere work ethic anymore.” Be that as it may, if you want to be a classy, respectable young woman, you have to be willing to work.

    Chapter 4: Choose Your Friends Wisely

    We need to find friends “who will help us kick our own vices, not just drag us down in the mire with them and theirs. If we’re struggling with self-image and potential eating-disorder thoughts … we need to find ourselves some normal, curvy friends who will take us to counseling and won’t care if we’re a size 2 or a 10.”

    Chapter 5: Let Him Come Calling

    “Regardless of the guy’s current status, bank account, background, or beliefs, if he’s interested, he will do the pursuing. There’s no need to interfere with the ways of nature! Doing so will only scare him off.” This is one chapter I had a little disagreement with. She doesn’t allow for anything in between completely-ignore-the-guy and obnoxiously-pester-him-with-text-messages-every-few-hours. If you’re already friends, shouldn’t you be allowed to Facebook or e-mail him once in a while to keep in touch?

    Chapter 6: Dress to Impress

    Two quotes this time: “While it may seem frivolous to some, our personal style does more talking than we ever could about ourselves — and we want to make sure it’s saying nice things!” “While it can be tempting to want to keep up with the current inseam trends, the respect we’ll receive from not exposing our chest region and upper thighs is worth so much more than the five-seconds stares we’d get from a bunch of ogling buffoons.”

    Chapter 7: Less Is More

    “Our society is undoubtedly of the flashier/louder/faster/stronger mentality, and for some reason makeup tends to fall into the same category, but it really should be placed indefinitely in the less-is-more category. … We need to realize makeup is a simply something to enhance certain features — not a daily necessity that needs to be applied from sunup to sundown.”

    Chapter 8: Have Your Cake and Eat It Too

    “You can healthfully and happily maintain your weight without taking any weird voodoo pills or sprinting a marathon on the treadmill every week. You simply need to find a steady balance between those leafy greens and that Sprinkles cupcake. Let’s become the new poster children for happy, healthy young women.”

  • Being Born of God

    But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. John 1:12-13In many ways, this is a continuation of two previous posts, but I think it will be the last on this topic (at least for a while).  As part of the adoption process that makes us younger brothers and sisters of Jesus Christ, we must go be “born again” (most translations put it).

    Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently: being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever. (1 Pet. 1:22-23)

    In James, it is said that the Father “brought us forth by the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures.” (1:18, NKJV). This verse, along with many verses talking about the change wrought in us by the Holy Spirit, give us an idea of what being “born again”involves.

    For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God (Rom. 8:14).

    Becoming God’s Family

    Once we receive the Holy Spirit and God and Christ start working in our lives, we begin the process of becoming part of Their family. Because we have been adopted and redeemed, we are called children of God.

    Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew Him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when He shall appear, we shall be like Him; for we shall see Him as He is (1 John 3:1-2)

    Though we are considered part of God’s family now, as long as we continue in faith, there is much more promised to us in the future.

    Jesus answered and said to him, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. … unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit.”  (John 3:3, 5-8, NKJV)

    Being born “of the Spirit” involves a change of heart and character that will allow us to enter the kingdom of God. It is a process that begins with Jesus Christ’s sacrifice making us fit to be adopted into Their family, and continues until our death or Christ’s return.

    New Life

    The word used to describe us as “born” of God is gennao (G1080). It is a general word for producing offspring, used of both begetting and bearing children. Zodhiates says it is also “spoken of God begetting in a spiritual sense which consists in regenerating, sanctifying, quickening anew, and ennobling the powers of the natural man by imparting to him a new life and a new spirit in Christ (1 John 5:1). Hence, Christians are said to be the sons of God (Rom. 8:14; Gal. 3:26; 4:6).”

    Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. (1 John 4:7)

    This new life and new spirit that we partake of when God and Christ begin the process of making us their children transforms our lives. As we become part of God’s family, the characteristics of God will become more and more evident in our lives until we receive “an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (1 Pet 1:4-5).

  • Sesame Stir Fry

    On Friday, my oven stopped working. I was in the middle of trying out a new recipe for snickerdoodle bars, and the oven refused to heat up beyond 165 degrees. The repair man said he wouldn’t make it out to our house until this Friday, so I’m stuck making stove-top meals.

    sesame chicken stir-fry recipe
    sesame chicken

    Well, maybe “stuck” isn’t the right word when I can cook things like this wonderful stir fry. It is has a thick, sweet sauce and works equally well with chicken or beef. Unlike the sesame chicken or beef you usually find at Chinese take-out places, this meat isn’t deep fried. I like the un-fried taste for this dish, but if you want to try crispy chicken in the sesame sauce you could use the chicken from my General Tso’s recipe.

    Sesame Stir Fry

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    3 whole boneless chicken breasts or 1 pound of beef

     Marinade

    2 tablespoons soy sauce

    1 tablespoon rice wine

    1 tablespoon tapioca starch

    a few drops of sesame oil

    Cut the meat into 1-inch cubes. Mix the marinade ingredients and marinate the meat for 20 minutes.

    ingredients for sesame beef stir-fry recipeSauce

    ½ cup water

    ¼ cup tapioca starch (or cornstarch)

    1 cup chicken or beef broth

    1/8 cup rice vinegar

    ¾ cup sugar

    2 tablespoons soy sauce

    2 tablespoons sesame oil

    1 clove garlic (minced)

    Mix together the water and tapioca starch in a small sauce pan. Add broth, and the remainder of the sauce ingredients. Set aside (you’ll be heating this to a boil in a little while).

    Cooking

    Sesame beef stir-fry recipe
    Sesame Beef

    Fry the meat in a wok or deep skillet until done. Add desired vegetables and stir fry. I typically use carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, and mushrooms. When I have them, I add bamboo shoots and cabbage. Really, you can use whatever you like.

    Just before vegetables are finished cooking, bring sauce to a boil, stirring continuously. Pour the sauce over the chicken and vegetables. Sprinkle with sesame seeds and serve with rice.

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