What if the Proverbs 31 Woman Was Less Intimidating?

When I’m in a group of church ladies and someone mentions the Proverbs 31 woman, there’s often a collective groan. She’s such a high standard of Biblical womanhood that she seems intimidating–like we’ll never measure up to something like her and even suggesting we should is a scary thought. But is that really why she’s here at the end of Proverbs? To make us feel bad about ourselves or to show us exactly what a godly woman looks like? Maybe there’s a way that we can find her encouraging rather than threatening.

I will be addressing this post mostly to the women reading, and using words like “we” throughout. I apologize to the guys this leaves out. I hope you might still find some value in reading this, though. Perhaps you’ll think of it next time you read Proverbs, or the Proverbs 31 woman comes up in conversation, or one of the women in your life is feeling discouraged.

Translating Chayil

When we first start reading about the Proverbs 31 woman, we see a question. In the familiar King James it reads, “Who can find a virtuous woman?” (Prov. 31:10, KJV). I wrote about the translation choice here years ago in a post called “Mighty Women.” The Hebrew word translated “virtuous” is chayil (Strongs H2428). According to the Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, this word basically means “strength,” which leads to translations like “power,” “might,” “valiant,” “army,” and “wealth” depending on how the word is used in context. Chayil is used of God’s power about 20 times, and of “valiant men,” “able men,” or “mighty men of valor” about 85 times (TWOT, 624a). Now look at how the word is translated in the KJV when used of women:

And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman. 

Ruth 3:11, KJV

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. 

Proverbs 12:4, KJV

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies … Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 

Proverbs 31:10, 29, KJV

Now, to be fair, “virtue” originally meant “force; strength; vigor; moral strength” (Online Etymology Dictionary). However, by the 1590s (before the 1611 release of the KJV), it had taken on the meaning of “especially (in women) ‘chastity, sexual purity.'” The KJV translators only used “virtue” for chayil when it’s used for women. Modern translations often opt to soften the sex-based translation choice by using “worthy,” “noble,” and occasionally “valiant” in these verses (see Ruth 3:11; Prov. 12:4; 31:10, 29 in WEB and NET).

Fixing the translation probably doesn’t make her any less intimidating of a role model, though. “Virtuous” carries some historical baggage, but noble, worthy, and valiant are still high standards to live up to. I find the more accurate translation a little more inspiring, though. And maybe clarifying how to translate chayil is a good starting point for approaching the whole Proverbs 31 passage differently than we may have in the past.

Image of a woman reading a Bible overlaid with text from Ruth 3:11, TLV version: "Now my daughter, do not be afraid! Everything you propose, I will do for you, for everyone in town knows that you are a woman of valor.”
Image by Pearl from Lightstock

A Mother’s Advice

It had been a while since I’d read through Proverbs, but not long ago I found myself back there reading Proverbs 31. (I think it was for one of the scripture writing studies our ladies’ group is doing at church.) This was the first time I’d read it since I’d started thinking about planning a wedding. I was also reading it, I think for the first time, in the NET translation. I’ll just quote the whole passage here so we can look at it together:

1 The words of King Lemuel, an oracle that his mother taught him: …

10 Who can find a wife of noble character?
For her value is far more than rubies.
11 Her husband’s heart has trusted her,
and he does not lack the dividends.
12 She has rewarded him with good and not harm
all the days of her life.
13 She sought out wool and flax,
then worked happily with her hands.
14 She was like the merchant ships;
she would bring in her food from afar.
15 Then she rose while it was still night,
and provided food for her household and a portion to her female servants.
16 She considered a field and bought it;
from her own income she planted a vineyard.
17 She clothed herself in might,
and she strengthened her arms.
18 She perceived that her merchandise was good.
Her lamp would not go out in the night.
19 She extended her hands to the spool,
and her hands grasped the spindle.
20 She opened her hand to the poor,
and extended her hands to the needy.
21 She would not fear for her household in winter,
because all her household were clothed with scarlet,
22 because she had made coverings for herself;
and because her clothing was fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is well-known in the city gate
when he sits with the elders of the land.
24 She made linen garments then sold them,
and traded belts to the merchants;
25 her clothing was strong and splendid;
and she laughed at the time to come.
26 She has opened her mouth with wisdom,
with loving instruction on her tongue.
27 Watching over the ways of her household,
she would not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children have risen and called her blessed;
her husband also has praised her:
29 “Many daughters have done valiantly,
but you have surpassed them all!”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting.
A woman who fears the Lord—she makes herself praiseworthy.
31 Give her credit for what she has accomplished,
and let her works praise her in the city gates.

Proverbs 31:1, 10-31, NET

I like starting with the beginning of chapter 31 because that clarifies the context for this passage. This whole chapter is advice from a mother to her son. It’s about the type of woman he should want to marry and how highly he ought to value that woman.

That’s an important piece of information. It clarifies that the stated purpose of this passage is not to say, “Here’s the type of woman that all women should be.” We can use Proverbs 31:10-31 as an example of a good woman who follows the Lord, but it’s not a prescriptive list for everyone. It’s also specifically about married women; there are aspects which can relate to singles but not the whole thing.

Image of a woman with her arms around two little girls overlaid with text from Proverbs 31:28-31, NET version: “Her children have risen and called her blessed; her husband also has praised her: ‘Many daughters have done valiantly,
but you have surpassed them all!’
Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting. A woman who fears the Lord—she makes herself praiseworthy. Give her credit for what she has  accomplished, and let her works praise her in the city gates.”
Image by David Clark Photography from Lightstock

Qualities of the Proverbs 31 Wife

As I read through the description of the Proverbs 31 wife, it seems like many of the specific descriptions could be summed up in general character traits. For example, “She perceived that her merchandise was good … She made linen garments then sold them, and traded belts to the merchants” shows us that she makes quality things and sells them. If we’re going to model her behavior, we don’t need to craft clothing; we need to do something productive with our time and make sure the things we’re producing are good quality. Here are the other qualities that stand out to me while reading:

  • Chayil–noble, strong, valiant
  • Trustworthy
  • Industrious and hardworking
  • A provider for her family and those working for her
  • Creator of quality goods, which she sells
  • Generous to the poor and needy
  • Fearless because she’s prepared
  • Wise and able to instruct
  • God-fearing
  • Accomplished, and given credit and praise for those accomplishments

Depending on when and where you grew up, you might have been told women shouldn’t work a job or get an education. You might have felt like your accomplishments should be hidden lest you appear too intelligent, too proud, or too intimidating. But the exact opposite is happening here.

King Lemuel’s mother supports the idea of a wife who works a job (specifically, her own business that she runs from her house while also caring for her family), manages and invests her own money, has wisdom and knowledge that she teaches to others, and who is publicly praised for her accomplishments. And that’s the kind of woman that she tells her son he should hope to find in a wife. (Perhaps the person who said no Christian guy would marry me after I got my bachelor’s degree should reread this chapter.)

We’re All Still Growing

Image of three women holding Bibles and talking with the blog's title text and the words "Becoming a valiant woman of strength, virtue, and courage is a process. The Proverbs 31 woman isn’t a standard to judge you against, but a friend you can imitate as you grow."
Image by Shaun Menary from Lightstock

When I read the Proverbs 31 woman passage most recently, I realized I didn’t find her all that intimidating. I wanted to mimic her, but in a good way rather than like I was under a weight of pressure. I want to be a wife for my soon-to-be husband who improves his life by being with him. And this passage reassures me I can do that with my talents, gifts, accomplishments, and knowledge.

Also, as I read this passage, I remember that God calls people “perfect” as long as they’re following Him and working toward perfection. Maybe the same is true here. If you’re working on following the Lord and growing as a woman of noble character, then perhaps you too can be described in the glowing terms of praise used here. I know many women–my mother, ladies at church, friends–who I’d say line up with this description of the Proverbs 31 woman pretty much exactly even though I know they’d say they’re far from perfect.

Reading passages like this, where we’re given an ideal to strive toward, should inspire us to keep doing our best and keep growing. Remember, our goal is “to build up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God—a mature person, attaining to the measure of Christ’s full stature.” (Eph. 4:12-13, NET). That doesn’t all happen at once, and that’s okay. There’s a reason the Christian life is described as one of growing and building. It’s a process, and becoming a valiant woman of strength, virtue, and courage is no exception to that rule. So maybe next time you read Proverbs 31, think of her not as a standard to judge you against, but as a friend you can imitate as you grow.


Featured image by Shaun Menary from Lightstock

Song Recommendation: “Overcomer” by Mandisa

Don’t Give Up! Keep Running Your Race of Faith Without Looking Back

Do you ever feel stuck in the past and discouraged by how hard it is to move forward? You’re a Christian and you know that’s supposed to give you hope, but somehow that just doesn’t seem to be the case.

It’s disheartening to feel as if you can’t move forward from your past or that there is no way out of your present. Especially if you feel like you’ve done something so wrong or your circumstances are so hopeless that there’s no point trying to fix things. These sorts of worries weigh us down emotionally and spiritually. They can make us feel heavy, foggy, and hopeless (and may lead to other symptoms of depression as well).

Jesus never promised that life as a Christian would be without trials. He only promised to help us through those trials, and since He has all power and authority in heaven and earth this is an incredible promise (Matt. 28:18). It can be easy, though, to lose sight of the big picture and get distracted by all sorts of nasty things that cling to us, weighing us down and making it hard to keep moving forward. We might wonder how to get unstuck, or even if it’s possible.

The Cage Door Is Open

One thing I’ve realized is that most of the things that are holding onto me are also, at least to some extent, things that I’m holding onto right back. Jesus promises to make us free and to wash us clean of any sin. If we stay in a cage or keep rolling in the dirt, then it’s not because He has failed in some way. It’s because we’re still susceptible to the attacks of the enemy and the pulls of the world.

I don’t say this to make us feel guilty or ashamed (that’s another thing that weighs us down, and shame is not a productive emotion). I want to encourage you to shift your perspective. Instead of seeing yourself as a victim trapped in a locked cage made from whatever’s holding on to you (fear, past sins, personal shortcomings, etc), you can picture yourself as someone in an open cage where God is holding the door and asking you to come out. He knows it’s hard. He knows it’s frightening. He knows there are often circumstances outside your control that keep pulling you backwards. But He isn’t giving up and He’ll be there patiently helping you for as long as it takes. Read more

What Are Your Strengths As An INFJ Personality Type?

Learning about our unique strengths as INFJs helps us realize what gifts we can access most readily. It also gives us some guidelines for learning to use those gifts effectively in work, interpersonal relationships, and our private lives. These strengths don’t make INFJs “better” than any other type (each type has their own valuable strengths) but they are an important part of our personalities.

We often use our personality strengths so easily that we don’t think of them as gifts. For example, it’s so natural for INFJs to pick up on other peoples emotions that it might just seem like a slightly annoying thing we do automatically, rather than a unique gift we can use to relate to other people. But the strengths that are so much a part of the INFJ personality types are not common in the world at large. If we ignore our gifts or assume they are not useful, we deprive ourselves of confidence and deprive the world of our unique skills.

As I’ve been working on the second edition of The INFJ Handbook, one of the things I’m expanding is the chapters on INFJ strengths and weaknesses, as well as the one with personal growth tips. That re-writing that sparked the idea for this post, which is a shortened version of one of the chapters in my upcoming handbook. Read more

Elizabeth Gaskell’s Strong Female Characters

I’m fascinated by female characters who find ways to live life on their own terms within their culture’s ideas of femininity. Many of my favorite “strong female characters” from Classic literature (like those in Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, Francess Burney, and Elizabeth Gaskell’s books ) already have a sense of their own worth and, while they may push against certain confining ideas on appropriate female behavior, they don’t hate their own femininity or attack other women for being feminine. When they fight for their rights, they do it as women who are inherently equal to men — not as women trying to be men.

My two latest books for The Classics Club list are both written by Elizabeth Gaskell. North and South is a re-read for me and Cranford was a new one. I decided to blog about these two books together so I wouldn’t be devoting quite so many articles here to book reviews. I’d expected them to have enough similar themes that this would be easy to do (similar to blogging about Cooper’s sea tales together). But I was pleasantly (if somewhat inconveniently) surprised to find out that the two books are very different. Gaskell is a much more versatile writer than I’d been giving her credit for in my mind.

Characters Who Need Each Other

The contrast is immediately apparent. North and South (1855) opens with a wedding while Cranford (1853) opens with the line, “In the first place, Cranford is in possession of the Amazons; all the holders of houses, above a certain rent, are women.” Men are extremely rare and viewed with much suspicion in Cranford, but in the world of North and South most of the action is driven by or centers around men. One might say Cranford is defined by the absence of men and North and South by the actions of men.

That wouldn’t quite be fair to the women of these books, though. Both stories are filled with what I would call strong female characters. They don’t punch things, shoot stuff, or walk around talking about how empowered they are while wearing sexy clothes. But I would submit to you they’re actually better-written and even “stronger” than the female characters who run around modern films insisting they don’t need anyone’s help. Gaskell’s characters model a connected community of both men and women who are stronger together. Read more

A Story of Battle And Victory

Once upon a time, a great King and Prince decided to they didn’t want to be alone anymore. There were other beings in their realm, but none like them. No one else to share their love and unity with, at least not in the way they longed for. So they came up with a plan. They created a beautiful garden and from the earth they molded living, breathing people patterned after their own image. They wanted these people to be their companions, but not as servants or slaves, and that meant the people had to be given free will. They would need the opportunity to choose the King and Prince just as the King and Prince chose to want them.

But there was an evil force at work. One of the other beings, prideful and jealous of the King, led a revolt and became the Adversary. And as Adversary, he made it his goal to thwart the King’s plan, including the great plan to grow his family. The Adversary was not powerful enough to destroy the King. But he knew if he could kill these new people who the King wanted to become his children he would have his revenge.

When tempted by the Adversary, the King’s new creation fell into his lie. They chose a path that led away from the king their Father and the Prince their brother. And that choice changed the battle field between the King and Prince and the Adversary. Now they fought over the fate of the King’s children.

The King and Prince weren’t caught off-guard by the Adversary, though. They already had a plan, but it seemed a strange sort of plan for going into battle. Rather than using force to get the King’s children back they used love. The Prince came as a suitor asking for his adopted sister’s hand in marriage. And some of the people made a covenant with him, but there was still a death penalty hanging over their heads. The Adversary had talked them all into breaking the King’s law and someone had to pay the price justice demanded. So that’s what the Prince did, leaving his kingdom and making himself vulnerable on the battlefield.

The Adversary threw everything he had against the Prince, but he didn’t win. The Prince conquered the Adversary personally and then gave his own life to pay the penalty hanging over his beloved’s head. In doing so he sealed the ultimate victory. The Adversary keeps fighting though, trying to destroy as many people as he can before his time is up.

But even though the Adversary is still doing damage in the world, the King is holding off on the final battle. He wants to get as many people as possible on his side because he knows if they don’t accept the victory he and the Prince already won that they’ll take part in the Adversary’s defeat. And his goal all along was to make every single person part of His family. He’s not giving up on reaching as many of them as he can. So he keeps calling people to join in following the Prince as the Adversary keeps trying to yank them away.

A Story of Battle And Victory | marissabaker.wordpress.com
Photo credit: Ruby-Rose via Lightstock

Called To Fight

That is the situation we’re called into today when we begin a walk as Christians. Our Prince, brother, and rescuing lover Jesus has achieved victory. But His people here on earth are still fighting the Adversary Satan, waiting for the final battle to end all this. Read more

Praying At All Times

We’ve spent the last nine weeks looking at the famous Armor of God passage in Ephesians. There are six pieces of armor named there: the Girdle of Truth, the Breastplate of Righteousness, the Footwear of the Gospel, the Shield of Faith, the Helmet of Salvation, and the Sword of the Spirit. Those six character traits and spiritual items are where most lists stop, since they’re the ones compared to physical pieces of armor. But there’s a seventh item on the list.

with all prayer and supplication praying at all times in the Spirit, and to this end being alert with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints (Eph. 6:18, LEB)

All the armor must be put on and used with prayer. In this context, we can see prayer either as the connective tissue buckling the other armor on us or as a necessity before and when using the armor (or both). Whether you count prayer as a piece of armor or not, it’s clear that praying is essential when going into a battle we want God to fight for and with us.

Praying At All Times | marissabaker.wordpress.com
Photo credit: Ben White via StockSnap

Prayer Before Battle

As with the six pieces of armor listed earlier, we have examples of prayer being used in physical battles as well as spiritual ones. People of God have always recognized that even when facing physical enemies there’s a more important spiritual side to the battle. And it’s the Lord of Hosts who determines the outcome.

Three righteous kings left us records of their prayers before battle. Asa prayed when facing “an army of a thousand thousands” (2 Chr. 14:9-12), Jehoshaphat when facing “a great multitude” of Moabites and Ammonites (2 Chr. 20:1-29), and Hezekiah when threatened by a powerful Assyrian army (Is. 37:8-38).

In all three cases, God answered with a powerful victory. “Yahweh defeated the Cushites before Asa” and his army (2 Chr. 14:12, LEB). The Lord sent Jehoshaphat and his men armored into battle, but did all the fighting Himself (2 Chr. 20:16-29). And Hezekiah woke up one morning to find his enemy struck dead outside (Is. 37:36-37). Clearly, prayer is an effective battle strategy for those following God and fighting against His enemies. Read more