Many introverts, including me, have been accused at various time of being rude, annoying, or arrogant. While it’s true that an introvert could be all those things, in many cases the issue is a misunderstanding rather than intentional rudeness on the introvert’s part.
No one should get a pass on being rude, including introverts. But sometimes things that may come across as rude to others are just an accidental “side effect” of how the introvert prefers to interact with the world. Instead of being caused by something the introvert is doing wrong, the idea that we’re rude is based on false assumptions other people make about our motives.
This sort of misinterpretation can come from fellow introverts as well as from extroverts. I’ve heard several people who I know are introverted make comments about how someone who’s quiet (and who I know is uncomfortable in groups) seems stand-offish or stuck-up. Even when we ourselves know what it’s like to be a quiet person we can still misinterpret quietness in others.
1) Watching Instead of Interacting
This is one of the most common things introverts do and it’s also one of the things that’s most often interpreted as being rude. Usually what happens is the introvert is in some kind of group where there’s more than one other person around, and the introvert is watching what’s happening instead of engaging in conversation or participating in an activity.
People assume this is rude when they start pretending they can read minds. They may think the introvert is bored with what’s going on and wants to leave. Some might assume the introvert is silently judging everyone else and feels like they’re “too good” for the people around them. Other could say the introvert must hate people because they’re not having fun.
In the introvert’s head, though, it’s far more likely that they’re enjoying the gathering in their own way. We like listening and observing. We’re comfortable with silence. We’re probably having more fun on the sidelines than we would be as the center of attention. Of course, there’s always a chance that we might be distracted by our own thoughts or trying to think of a polite way to leave because our social batteries have run low but even then most of us don’t mean to be rude.
2) Avoiding Other People
This one can be rude or not rude depending on the context. Actively avoiding someone for no good reason, refusing to answer a friend’s message, or otherwise vanishing from people’s lives is (usually) rude. But it’s not rude to eat lunch alone because you need a break from people during your workday. It’s not rude to decline an invitation to a weekend party because you’ve been doing something social most of the week and need a break.
We need to learn to balance our “introvert time” and our investments in relationships. But the people around us also need to learn that introverts need their down time in order to function. Let introverts recharge and we’ll be much more likely not to avoid all human interaction.
3) Keeping Your Personal Life Private
This should be a no-brainer. After all, someone’s personal life is by definition personal. But sometimes people think it’s rude if someone decides not to share personal information. This is, quite frankly, a “them problem.” Neither introverts nor extroverts are obligated to share things they want to keep private with other people. It’s not rude if you choose not to share personal stories.
Introverts tend to be fairly private people and may keep things to themselves that others are comfortable letting everyone know. If an introvert chooses not to share something with you, don’t take it as a sign that they don’t trust or like you. They might simply be choosing to keep their personal lives private and that’s okay.
4) Being Nervous in Social Situations
Introverts tend to have a limited amount of social energy. While we all have an extroverted side, how strong it is varies depending on the individual introvert. Every introvert can reach a point where socialization is too overwhelming and they’re ready to go home and recharge. Plus, on top of the fact that social situations are draining, many introverts also struggle with nervousness when meeting new people. And some of us have social anxiety and/or shyness that we’re dealing with, too.
A nervous introvert can come across to others as standoffish. The introvert might be panicking about what to say next while the other person thinks its rude that they’re being so quiet. Though some may assume the introvert thinks they’re better than everyone else, it’s much more likely that a socially nervous introvert is just really worried about making a good impression or is wondering why someone wanted to talk with them.
5) Respecting Other’s Need For Space
This point sounds like something that no one could misinterpret as rude, but hear me out. What looks to an introvert like simply being polite can look like indifference to someone else. This point is illustrated perfectly in an Introvert Doodles comic comparing what being polite looks like for introverts vs. extroverts.
For example, if an introvert declines an invitation to stick around after they’ve unexpectedly run across someone, they probably mean to be polite by not inconveniencing them. An extrovert in a similar situation might think turning down that invitation is rude or insulting because it sends the message you don’t want to be around the other person. Same situation, different perspectives on what’s polite. Neither perspective is necessarily wrong but if we don’t recognize that there are different perspectives it can lead to misunderstandings.
What are some things you do as an introvert that people have incorrectly interpreted as you trying to be rude?
Featured image credit: Jose Antonio Alba via Pixabay
6 thoughts on “5 Things Introverts Do That Might Seem Rude to Others, but Are Actually Normal For Us”
I can relate with this post. I do the vanishing act and its like tge story of my life right now. Some of my friends understand , some don’t and think I have issues with them. I also know it’s not healthy, I would not want to continue like this. Is there any practical thing to do to stop this?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would encourage you start by trying to figure out why you’re vanishing. For me personally, I discovered my desire to withdraw from other people is connected with depression and anxiety and I’ve been better able to manage it since receiving counseling. I’m not saying that’s what’s necessarily what’s going on with you but if you can figure out why you want to withdraw from others that’s a good first-step in figuring out how to address the issue.
It might also be helpful to talk with your friends about this and let them know that you don’t mean to hurt them when you vanish. I would hope they’ll be more understanding if they know it’s something you’re struggling with and want to change. Some may even be able to help by making sure to check-in with you and ask how you’re doing if they notice you vanish. I hope this helps 🙂
This really helps thank you. I realise part is the reason is that I can feel so overly or unreasonably overwhelmed with anything that spells social.i like to be prepared for everything and I like every interaction to matter. For example this year has been one of the busiest of my life, went to law school, got called to bar too, but instead of me bursting with excitement , I was just tired. I wanted the ceremony to be over. I compare my self with others too, and I am quite sensitive too.A lot of things actually (don’t want to bore you with too much details)
I am also happy I could share with you because you understand. Thanks for helping once again♥️
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome. I’m so glad I could help!
That does sound like an insanely busy year. Congratulations on all your accomplishments! I hope now you’re getting a chance to relax and take care of yourself 🙂
Yes I am learning to take care of myself. Thanks a lot. 💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can relate big time. Thankyou for the tips.